DECIDE FOR PEACE, NOT WAR

DECIDE FOR PEACE, NOT WAR 2014

Save yourself and your relationship!

New Year’s Resolution: PEACE BEGINS WITH ME.

85% of people who call for help with anger and rage issues call because their relationship is in deep crises or one person has “crossed the line” of non-acceptable behavior.

WAR can look like the below situations:

Any of these currently at work in your relationship?

–>Criticism –> Defensiveness  –> Contempt  –> Withdrawal

–>Days pass with no happiness and joy

–>Harsh words exchanged daily

–>Name Calling and Blaming a way of life

–>Life’s Passion is gone, just existing is our daily duty

–>Stuck. Destructive patterns exchanged frequently

–>At least one partner never forgets anything and continually revisits them.

–>You hear yourself say: “Our relationship is messed up!”

–>”Oh x#%!, Here we go again!”

–> Frequent Arguments

–> Anger stays with you for a long period… 1/2 Day, A Day, Two Days…Longer

–> Violence has occurred – Verbal Abuse or Physical Abuse

–> Pushing, hitting, wrestling, choking

–> Days of silence, Shutting down communication

Better get help fast. These are known to kill any relationship.

Stop being at war.

STOP ABCD :
A = Aggressiveness
B = Blame Others
C = Criticize Others
D = Denial

Ask yourself: “Do I really want to be at war here?”

Decide for peace. 

  • Choose to “lose” the argument.
  • Choose to take turns, your way, then my way.
  • Choose to stop arguing
  • Choose to change to subject you are talking about
  • Choose to agree to NOT ARGUE
  • Choose to call Richard and get Professional Help at 678.576.1913


Peace Prayer

Let peace begin with me.

Lead me from death to life
from lies to truth
Lead me from despair to hope
from fear to trust
Lead me from hatred to love
from war to peace 

Lead me to no war, no arguing
Let peace fill my heart, my home, my world
Let peace begin with me.

 Amen

Call Richard Taylor of Atlanta Anger Management
For help with your relationships, for help with conflict, anger, rage.

Call Richard at 678.576.1913

Richard Taylor BS, CAMF

Richard Taylor BS, CAMF

Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator
Diplomate American Association Anger Management Providers

Atlanta Anger Management 
5555 Glenridge Connector
Suite 200 (2nd Floor)
Atlanta, Georgia 30342 USA

Office Phone: 678-576-1913
Fax: 1-866-551-1253
Web: www.atlantaangermanagement.com
E-mail: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com

Linked in:http://www.linkedin.com/in/richardtayloraam

#1 Certified Anderson and Anderson™ Anger Management Provider
The Best Of The Best In Anger Management & Emotional Intelligence

AFFIRMATIONS:
MAKE LOVE NOT WAR
GIVE PEACE A CHANCE
IMAGINE NO WAR
I CAN CHOOSE
I CAN CONTROL MYSELF
I CAN LOVE
I CAN RESPECT OTHERS
I CAN LOVE MYSELF

Happy New Year 2014!

The Jennifer Keitt Show: Flashing Blue Lights

By Jennifer Keitt

Texting; driving, speeding, smoking weed, gambling, alcohol, online sex law infringements… There are so many ways that the MAJORITY of us break the law every single day! What are the consequences? Do you know your rights? What does an arrest or trouble with the law mean for your future? DO YOUR KIDS KNOW THE LAW?!

In light of the Trayvon Martin tragedy, your chief empowerment officer JENNIFER KEITT is determined to help you protect yourself and your family!

Sunday’s practical, relevant, and real show: “FLASHING BLUE LIGHTS! Know what to do when you’re in trouble with the law!

– See more at: http://www.kiss104fm.com/weblogs/jennifer-keitt-blog/2013/jul/27/sunday-flashing-blue-lights/

#sthash.fOpKkXQy.dpuf

Blue Lights Tool Kit PDF

Richard Taylor BS, CAMF

Richard Taylor BS, CAMF


 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Richard Taylor, Director of Atlanta Anger Management
appears as guest
on The Jennifer Keitt Show tonight
for segment on “Blue Flashing Lights
on KISS 104.1 Radio Show, Sundays 6-8PM

Jennifer Keitt - Today's Black Woman Show Host

Tune in at 104.1 and call show!

For More Information: http://www.jenniferkeitt.com/

THE JENNIFER KEITT SHOW

Show Guests

Chief Jimmy Williamson
Chief of Police, University of Georgia Police Department

Attorney Kim Cornwell
Criminal Defense Attorney
Law Office of Bruce S. Harvey
kim@bharveylawfirm.com
Phone: 404-659-4628
http://www.bharveylawfirm.com

Dr. Ralph Steele
Mediator
info@mediationworlds.com

Victoria Pynchon
Author: A Is For A**Hole: The Grownups ABC’s of Conflict Resolution

Richard Taylor
Director Of Atlanta Anger Management
Phone: 678-576-1913
E-mail: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com
http://www.AtlantaAngerManagement.com

Atlanta’s #1 Choice For Help With Anger, Rage and Conflict

___________________________________________________

Call for help when anger, rage, stress and conflict becomes:

• too frequent
• too intense
• lasts too long
• leads to health issues
• destroys interpersonal relationships: personal, work and public
• results in person-directed aggression: verbal or physical abuse

Anger can be managed using skills/tools that can be learned through a course of proven Anger Management curriculum. Anger Management is offered in an Individual Session, Group Class format, Workshops and Accelerated Course.

These are designed to teach core life skills.

Call today if you need it. Do Not Wait. Call Richard at 678-576-1913

Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator
Diplomate American Association Anger Management Providers

Atlanta Anger Management
5555 Glenridge Connector
Suite 200 (2nd Floor)
Atlanta, Georgia 30342 USA

Office Phone: 678-576-1913
Fax: 1-866-551-1253
Web: http://www.atlantaangermanagement.com
E-mail: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com

Linked in: http://www.linkedin.com/in/richardtayloraam

#1 Certified Anderson and Anderson™ Anger Management Provider
The Best Of The Best In Anger Management & Emotional Intelligence

9 THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY TO YOUR HUSBAND

9 Things You Should Never Say to Your Husband

Avoid uttering these common phrases that could undermine your marriage

By Denise Schipani

One of the best parts about marriage is being so comfortable with your hubby that you can say just about anything to him. But if you don’t watch your mouth, sometimes the ugly truth comes out in hurtful—not helpful––ways.

Though you may have legitimate concerns to express or issues to bring up, doing so in a harsh manner can be damaging in the long term, to both your husband’s feelings and your relationship.

According to Judy Ford, psychotherapist and author of Every Day Love, “Speaking kindly is a skill that couples have to learn. Everyone feels battered by life and the outside world. You shouldn’t feel that way at home.”

Here, nine statements that you should never utter to your significant other––and the words that you should try instead.

1. “Yes, I had an orgasm.” (when you didn’t) 

2. “You’re just like your father. 

3. “When are you going to find a new job?” 

4. “My mother warned me you’d do this!” 

5. “Just leave it––I’ll do it myself! 

6. “You always… [fill in the blank]” or “You never… [fill in the blank]” 

7. “Do you really think those pants are flattering?”

8. “Ugh, we’re hanging out with him again? 
9. “Please watch the kids. But don’t do this, take them here or forget that…” 

Read more: How To Talk To Your Husband – What Not To Say To Your Husband – Woman’s Day

 

Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator
Diplomate American Association Anger Management Providers

Atlanta Anger Management 
5555 Glenridge Connector
Suite 200 (2nd Floor)
Atlanta, Georgia 30342 USA

Office Phone: 678-576-1913
Fax: 1-866-551-1253
Web: www.atlantaangermanagement.com
E-mail: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com

Linked in:http://www.linkedin.com/in/richardtayloraam

#1 Certified Anderson and Anderson™ Anger Management Provider
The Best Of The Best In Anger Management & Emotional Intelligence

TIPS WHEN STOPPED BY POLICE AND CARRYING A FIREARM


Tips When Stopped By Police and Carrying a Firearm

Ways to NOT get arrested…

What you DO NOT want to do is:

  • have high emotion – freaking out
  • be confrontational
  • be a smart ass
  • have an “attitude”
  • alcohol on your breathe
  • concealed hands
  • make any quick movements
  • Your ideas?

Posted in the spirit of informing our Atlanta Anger Management Blog visitors with useful information on better ways to handle yourself when dealing with Police.
In other words…ways to NOT get arrested.

We assume no liability for posted video. Use Common sense and do what feels safe and calm and co-operative with the Police Authority.

Any reader constructive comments and/or experiences. Banal “hate” postings deleted quickly.

Richard Taylor
Atlanta Anger Management
Phone: 678-576-1913
www.AtlantaAngerManagement.com

JENNIFER KEITT OF KISS 104 TAPES RICHARD TAYLOR FOR STOP ARGUING & START TALKING SHOW

Jennifer Keitt - Today's Black Woman Show Host Today Jennifer Keitt and her staff visited with
Principle Director Richard Taylor Of
Atlanta Anger Management to video tape segments for her upcoming show.

Jennifer hosts two nationwide radio shows.

In Atlanta, Jennifer interviewed Richard Taylor via video for her show airing on KISS 104.1 this Sunday.

MARCH 24, 2013  from 7PM – 8PM on KISS 104.1

New This Week!

STOP ARGUING – START TALKING TOOLKIT FROM THE JENNIFER KEITT SHOW

http://www.holdercreative.com/keit/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/Stop-Arguing-Start-Talking-ToolKeitt.pdf

Stop Arguing, Start Talking – The Jennifer Keitt Show

Screaming, Slamming Doors, and Regretted Words! Is this familiar for your house?
Find out how to Stop Arguing and Start Talking this Sunday March 24th

from 7PM – 8PM on KISS 104.1


Richard Taylor and Jennifer Keitt

She is talking about “Stop Arguing & Start Talking” including an anger management perspective. Also much of their time together (off camera) gathered current information regarding the work Richard does at Atlanta Anger Management.

Jennifer Keitt

Jennifer Keitt

Passionate, engaging, powerful . . . Speaker, Author and Today’s Black Woman Show Host Jennifer Keitt invokes change and improvement in lives of people around the world! She has the unique ability to challenge individuals in ways they had not thought of before. After any interaction with Jennifer Keitt, you are left feeling as though you can conquer the world!

Her pathway to empowerment includes focusing on what she calls the ‘seven core areas’ of a woman’s life:

  • her spiritual/moral growth and development,
  • her emotional/intellectual stability and well-being,
  • her physical body (inclusive of a woman’s health, beauty, fitness and fashion);
  • a woman’s financial empowerment,
  • her significant relationships,
  • her career and
  • her sexuality/self-esteem.

Her true passion for people is evident in every thoughtful word she speaks. She is real and relevant and stirs up the power and abilities that lie within you to live your life to the fullest. Helping people realize the amazing power that they possess and pushing you beyond your self-imposed limitations is a unique gift Jennifer Keitt provides that you will not find anywhere else. Jennifer Keitt is a highly sought after speaker impacting the lives of people everywhere she goes.

Jennifer Keitt reaches over 1,000,000 women weekly with one simple truth: There is hope…you can be victorious over life every day!

Women globally are empowered and inspired by her ability to encourage them to live confident, powerful lives.

Author of the book, The Power Of Being A Real Woman, she has earned honors for her contributions to the lives of today’s women as the creator and host of the Today’s Black Woman Radio Show.

Richard Taylor

Richard Taylor BS, CAMF

Richard Taylor BS, CAMF

 

Richard Taylor is Principle Director of Atlanta Anger Management providing real world help for those struggling with issues concerning:

  • Anger
  • Rage
  • Stress
  • Communication Issues
  • Lack Of Emotions Control
  • Couples Conflict
  • Stop Divorce – Often You Can Save Your Marriage
  • Work Related Anger
  • Sports Peak Performance With Anger and Stress Control
  • Work Peak Performance With Anger and Stress Control
  • NEW- For Christians – Anger And Your Faith Walk Private Sessions

WHO: Volunteer Participants, Court Pending Cases Folks, Court Ordered Individuals,
HR and EAP Participants, Military, Public Service Officials, Politicians, Work Related Anger, College and Universities, Counselors With Anger Issues, Attorneys, Hospital Staff.

Atlanta Anger Management offers Anger Management Classes in Atlanta.

Atlanta Anger Management is an Atlanta, GA based Anger Management Education, Training and Research Company offering the Anderson and Anderson™ curriculum that is the most effective and widely recognized anger management curriculum in the world. It focuses on introducing behavior strategies for identifying and managing anger, stress and conflict while enhancing emotional intelligence and assertive communication.

Director Richard Taylor / Atlanta Anger Management is the oldest operating Nationally Certified Anderson and Anderson Anger Management Provider in Atlanta offering this outstanding anger management curriculum.

Come and get the service, compassion and excellent humorous teaching style offered by Richard at Atlanta Anger Management.

No one is like Richard.
Call and find out! – 678-576-1913

Anger Management Saturday Class | Anger Management Classes

Services Include: Court Ordered Anger Management Classes | Saturday Anger Management Classes | Anger Management Classes | 2 Day Anger Management Course | Anger Assessments Executive Coaching | Stress Management | Couples Conflict Management Rage Management | Emotional Intelligence Education | Organization Meeting Seminars | Anger Management Accelerated One Day Intensive | Blog | Video | Saturday Classes | Teen Anger Help

Participants are self check in, Court Ordered or often Companies H.R. and EAP Managers referred including employees, Administration VIPs, Government, Law Enforcement, and Educational Institutions.

Discrete and Confidential.

Georgia Approved Anger Management Certified Provider.

Through Atlanta Anger Management you will learn tools to grow and become more productive and happy with your life. We welcome you without judgment.

Richard   Call 678-576-1913  The best Anger Management in Atlanta.

CONTACT

Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator
Diplomate American Association Anger Management Providers

Atlanta Anger Management
5555 Glenridge Connector
Suite 200 (2nd Floor)
Atlanta, Georgia 30342 USA

Office Phone: 678-576-1913
Fax: 1-866-551-1253
Web: www.atlantaangermanagement.com
E-mail: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com

Linked in: http://www.linkedin.com/in/richardtayloraam
About.me : http://about.me/richardtaylorAAM

Atlanta’s Oldest Certified Anderson and Anderson™ Anger Management Provider
The Best Of The Best In Anger Management & Emotional Intelligence

DISSAPATE ANGER WITH LOVE PRACTICE

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP : Love Others

If we choose to love more each day our anger will dissolve.

Love comes from the heart. As Valentine’s Day is upon us we see a lot of heart symbols on everything. Besides buying flowers, exchanging cards, getting large teddy bears, eating chocolate just maybe the real meaning to Valentine’s Day is to remind us to reach out of ourselves and actually learn to love another person well. To give them what all humans want: To be loved.

I always wondered why I give on Valentine’s but almost never received. Is it women want but don’t give? Is it tradition? I always felt loved. Yes and that was enough.

A wisdom teaching we heard in this video LETTING GO

Lesson 3: Give without expectation
That works perfectly for Valentines and every day after.

then…

I learn to give love without expectation.

Jesus told us to love unconditionally. To love those who insult you, love those who hate you. Maybe even love those who are angry with you! Tip: Remain silent and do not return their energy as it emboldens the aggressive person. Things get worse then. It is so hard to be silent. Impulse Control. Most angry people do not have any Impulse Control. So this is a profound teaching to us angry folks. Impulse Control is a key to good Anger Management. Mmm…be silent.

Jesus two commandments were: Love God And Love Your Neighbor. Simple right? Well most of us forget both.

Anger Management Tip:
Please consider this Valentine Day and each day after to practice the art of loving from the heart with intention. To give love without expectation. To smile at another without expecting anything in return. To practice random acts of kindness. To practice changing our negativity to positive thoughts and actions.

To let love flow through us. With intent we do not try to hold onto love. It is meant to be like a river….as it flows out more flows in to replace it. If we hold onto it, love becomes stagnant like a pond that needs draining.

So with intention I try to reach out to love others without expecting anything back. As I do so each day anger and other negative emotions dissolve and come up less.

This is good anger management. Love. Love without expectation.

For other anger management, stress management, communication life skills see our blog

or have courage and seek professional help with Richard Taylor. You will immediately feel better and be given Action Steps to get change started right away. Others will see and experience real changes in you for the better. Relationship Conflict eases.

Have courage and call today. Call Richard Taylor at 678.576.1913

CONTACT

Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator
Diplomate American Association Anger Management Providers

Atlanta Anger Management 
5555 Glenridge Connector
Suite 200 (2nd Floor)
Atlanta, Georgia 30342 USA

Office Phone: 678.576.1913
Fax: 1-866.551.1253
Web: www.atlantaangermanagement.com
E-mail: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com

Linked in:http://www.linkedin.com/in/richardtayloraam

A Certified Anderson and Anderson™ Anger Management Provider
The Best Of The Best In Anger Management & Emotional Intelligence

DISSAPATE ANGER WITH LOVE PRACTICE

COMMUNICATION TIPS FOR VALENTINE DAY

C U P I D For Better Communication

CCommunication requires de-escalation: successful communication requires de-escalating your own heightened emotion before engaging your partner.

UUnderstanding is not automatic: you and your partner are not always going to share the same perspective—so the assumption that your partner should, by default, understand your perspective can cause frustration and alienation for both of you.

PPractice makes permanent: repeated practice, not just good intention or a single instance of success, brings about the change in your relationship that you want to see.

IInterdependence is the key: a good balance of dependence and independence is the key to healthy relationships.

DDe-escalate whenever needed: if emotions start to escalate, call for an immediate cease-fire or time-out to calm down before reengaging. Heightened emotion, whether it’s anxiety, fear, anger, or sadness, only heightens disconnect in an interaction. You need to de-escalate your own heightened emotion before you’re going to experience connection in any communication.

Copyright © 2013 New Harbinger Publications, Inc., All rights reserved.

http://www.newharbinger.com/

This is a extra fine book publishing company that should be supported for all the great books they publish.

 

 

CONTACT

 

Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator
Diplomate American Association Anger Management Providers

Atlanta Anger Management 
5555 Glenridge Connector
Suite 200 (2nd Floor)
Atlanta, Georgia 30342 USA

Office Phone: 678-576-1913
Fax: 1-866-551-1253
Web: www.atlantaangermanagement.com
E-mail: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com

Linked in:http://www.linkedin.com/in/richardtayloraam

A Certified Anderson and Anderson™ Anger Management Provider
The Best Of The Best In Anger Management & Emotional Intelligence

HELP FOR MARITAL PROBLEMS – REVISIT YOUR WEDDING

Marital Help

Most couples have used or have heard of the following scripture but forget to make it real in their lives.

 

1 Corinthians 13 1-13

New International Version (NIV)

13 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes,what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

 

Have you loved well today?

Have you shown compassion today?

Have you really lived today?

 

New International Version (NIV)

Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Source: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+13&version=NIV

SIGNS YOUR MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP IS IN TROUBLE

SIGNS YOUR MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP IS IN TROUBLE 8


 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Smart Tip: Get help when things start going downhill. Nip things in the bud.
 
 

“Couples wait an average of six years of being unhappy with their relationship before getting help,” said John Gottman, emeritus professor of psychology at the University of Washington and executive director of The Gottman Research Institute in Seattle. 1

 
Many couples never seek any help and either break up or head to a divorce attorney.
 
The divorce rate in the United States is the highest in the world. Fifty percent of marriages end in divorce. Sixty-seven percent of all second marriages end in divorce and 73 percent of third marriages end in divorce.2
 
Fifty percent of all children are children of divorce. 40.8% of all children are born of never married parents. 3
 
Divorce is expensive.
 

“It’s a lot more expensive to maintain two separate households and you’re having to do it on the same amount of income,” said Jeff Landers, CDFA, President of Bedrock Divorce Advisors in New York.

 
The impact of divorce is huge in their own lives and that of their children.
 
When children have a hard time, boys and girls suffer equally. They differ in how they suffer. Boys are more externally symptomatic acting out their anger, frustration and hurt. Boys may get into trouble in school; fight more with peers and parents. Girls tend to internalize their distress. They may become depressed, develop headaches, stomach aches, and have changes in their eating and sleeping patterns. Aggressive anger or passive anger is often felt and acted out.
 

What should people experiencing relationship/marriage problems do?
 

Get help when things start going downhill. Nip things in the bud.
 
 

Opposition brings concord. Out of discord comes the fairest harmony. 4

 
 
Hotu-240px

Signs Of Trouble:

 
1 You’re Thinking About Having An Affair – STOP!
 

Having an affair outside the marriage/relationship does not solve your unhappiness.
Fact is affairs create unintended problems, generating a life of their own with unintended consequences no one can anticipant. It is not worth it. Stop the mental projections, the wishing immediately when they come up. Change your focus back towards your partner and seek help if you cannot work things out.
 
Bear in mind that counselors varying greatly on what they actually are committed to helping you accomplish.
Some have the goal of saving the relationship/marriage and is the driving point of their work; others maintain a goal of separate partner (individual) bliss. Divorce/Separation for the later is often guaranteed. Know your counselor point of view and goals before engaging them. Ask for a disclosure. Ask an open ended question like: ‘What is your main goal when working with couples with problems?’
 
Try and figure out if the counselor/anger management expert:
 
A. Fight for relationship/marriage at all costs
B. Main concern of the work is individual happiness and wellbeing
 
Instead of talk therapy, check out Anger ManagementCouples Conflict Management.
Atlanta Anger Management Couples Conflict Management is not talk therapy counseling.
 
It is client education and training re-framing the relationship patterns, enhancing assertive communication and active listening. It is increasing awareness of anger and other negative emotions triggers and hot buttons to understand relationship dynamics and handle them in a more productive way. It is changing destructive behavior patterns into more positive relationship patterns that are sustainable. It is not a short term fix but a new way of being/living. It is maintaining an exciting new way of being. Commit to being a “Creative Partner Invested In Positive Change”6.
 
Affairs Continued…
 
Once emotional or sexual involvement goes outside a marriage, the issues needing to be addressed become background issues.
 
Problems magnify and get worse:
 
• Lies
• Not doing what you say – See: Be Impeccable
• Broken promises
• Deceit
• Guilt
• Building Walls of separation
• Avoidance
• Less time spend together
• Shame
• Increased suspicions
• Trust erodes
• Responsibility diminishes
• Character flaws are magnified
• Love is crushed and turns to contempt
• I do not care anymore = death of relationship
 
If you’re considering being unfaithful, it signals something is wrong with your relationship.
Ask yourself and be honest. “Can I resist temptation?”
 
If someone threw themselves on me … Can I resist without thought because I am totally committed to my partner. This is what is needed even if you are fighting right now.
 
Remember: Any indiscretion is always found out. The Truth always is found out. The News verifies this daily.
 
There are solutions to your problems. Call Richard Taylor 678.576.1913
 
2 You Fight About The Same Thing Over and Over and Over
 
You should know with a 50% chance of marriage lasting that Marriage and Conflict happening is not if but when. Arguing from time to time is perfectly normal and is expected. That is not a problem. The problem is outlined with further points below.
Accept The Unsolvable
 
According to relationship scientist John Gottman, 69% of relationship conflicts are persistent problems, meaning they revolve around issues that tend to resurface no matter how long you’ve been together. If you find a problem seems to call up painful emotions, you’re looking at one that’s persistent.1
 
To stop this trouble from ruining your relationship, you’ll need to address the bigger issues underlying your difficulty. Take turns discussing with your partner what this loaded issue really means to you. When your partner is talking, your job is to listen, be nonjudgmental and to find something in her/his perspective that makes sense to you. When it’s your turn to talk, she/he should be doing the same thing. By treading more gently into touchy areas, you should at least be able to agree to disagree or make some small concessions for one another. Accept that some things are not solvable. It is best to not talk about it. Couples who have been together a long time have embraced this concept and saved their marriage by doing so.
 
Couples who focus on the negatives in their relationship surely self destruct.1
 
It is best to practice LIVING IN THE MOMENT and not bringing up the past. Live right now. Also do not project these beliefs into the future. Say: “ That was then, this is now.” All I can experience is right now. Work on catching negative thoughts and choose to ‘change the channel” with positive thoughts. Like “What is it I like most about my partner?” Focus with intention for 10-30 seconds on the good to help imprint it on the brain to rewire it.
 
3 Spending Less Time Together
 
 

“The number one cause for the breakdown in marriages today is couples aren’t spending enough time together.” 7 – Michele Weiner Davis

 
 
Everything is more important than setting aside sacred time for one another. Whether it’s work, kids, meetings, clubs, church, temple, friends, working out, hobbies, golf, sports, TV, social media, relatives, and so on, everything seems to take precedence over the relationship. When this happens, couples stop being friends and their emotional connection suffers. They begin leading separate lives. The often become housemates.
 
Marriage will remain in danger unless you change this. Make it your joint mission to re-establish couple time together and family time together. Perhaps real meals rather than fast food eating. Outdoor activities help relieve stress and help bonding. Put away your cell phones, texting, listening to “your” music. Embrace being present to those around you. Get out of yourself and into your relationships. You can choose to change. But no one can make you. Each person has to decide to let others in.
 
4 Talking About Superficial Topics
 

Communication is one of the keys to lasting relationships.
 
Partners often have different needs when it comes to talking. Often guys like to talk “about” things, while women like to often talk about their emotions and the meaning of things, events, family, deeper conversations that force us to think, feel, emote and define our beliefs. This is often harder work than the surface talk.
 
The “talker” in the marriage/relationship often feels let down, hurt, frustrated and alone because their partner does not participate willingly in the dialogue.
 
The “talker” sometimes talks about their needs and what needs fixing in the relationship which results in the partner shutting down and wants to disengage in the conversation. These produce avoidance, putting up walls and further shuts down communication. The result is negative feelings that might include frustration, isolation, uncooperativeness, unhappiness, loneliness, not being connected and depression.
Having these talks of the heart is needed to promote intimacy, acceptance, reliance, love, safety and security. Maybe even the feeling of feeling cherished. Being reluctant to engage in these conversations put your relationship at risk.
 
Unmet needs and boundary violations are the two main reasons anger is often felt and expressed.
 
So conversations discussing important matters about finances, your own feelings, loved ones, future plans and goals, what is working and not working, behavior change requests, etc are vastly important. Couples usually are able to move into these conversations in their 30’s and on. Not having them can make the relationship seem superficial, light and not very serious. Many, many people remain adolescent in their self development no matter what age they are. They are just not willing to do any self growth work.
 
5 Escalating Fights
 

Often we find our vocabulary limited and we rely on the same expression over and over and our conversations repeat themselves. He/she says the same thing, she/he responds always in the same way. We are on a gerbil round treadmill repeating the same relationship dynamics. We hear ourselves say…”Oh no, here we go again!”
 
This often leads to anger, contempt and withdrawal. Avoidance is a key destructive interaction in relationships.
 
Pay attention and notice if you are having the same fights.
 
If these arguments are growing in intensity you must act and do something about them. Seek outside professional help very soon, not six years from now! Sometimes these escalating fights manifest into either verbal abuse or physical abuse.
 
Rule #1 In Anger Management: Do Not Touch Your Partner When Angry. You Will Get Arrested.
 
Both verbal abuse or physical abuse are destructive to lasting relationships so act and get help.
 
Aggressive Communication Style often has components of:
 
Inattention

• Interrupting

• Control

• Manipulation

• Intimidation

• Hostility
 
These ongoing ever repeating fights or arguments definitely showcase that deeper underlying issues are not being addressed. Most often communication skills are lacking that healthy couples have. These communication skills can be learned so that unresolved issues can be worked through. We offer help in communication skills. Inquire.
 
6 Having Little Or No Sex
 
Usually one partner has a lower sex drive than the other partner. In other words one partner wants sex more often than the other. The problem arises when the partner with the lower sex drive refuses their spouse’s feelings and rejects most, if not all, sexual advances.
 
Often this results in hurt feelings, frustration, rejection, feeling unwanted, feeling deflated, emotionally disconnected, angry and desperate.
 
If this goes on too long be wary of one partner disconnecting and becoming removed. Intimacy ends. This can often lead to infidelity. Even if only emotional infidelity.
 
Divorce also happens.
 
Once you experience these feelings, many things can happen. You stop enjoying each other’s company, spending time together, connecting emotionally, and being friends. If you don’t do something about it the death of the relationship often results. Or you become housemates for the duration with little empathy or love for the other. You move into existence mode. This is unnatural and not healthy, especially when children are involved.
 
I have helped many couples that are sleeping in separate bedrooms, in essence co-existing.
 
If this is a religious decision of sexual abstinence that is a choice and is healthy and a positive thing, but most people are not in that situation. It is isolation, alienation that causes it.
 
If a spouse is not getting enough sex, or would like more frequency while the other not, you both need to examine the reasons it’s happening. If might be necessary get professional help in Sex Therapy. Do whatever it takes to re-create passion and intimacy in your marriage. Action is called for.
 

7 Focusing more on kids than each other
 
Fact: Empty Nesters are still divorcing in droves. Once the children leave home, the relationship often feels overwhelmingly void.9
Today’s American culture (and many others) has become very Child Centric; meaning making our children our number one priority placing them in the center of our lives.
 
Everything is about our children.
 
Often when we live this way, our marriages suffer. It is hard to follow the sage wisdom: God First, Spouses Second, Children Third, Parents Fourth. 10
 
Be careful to not feel more connected to your children than your partner. Doing so often disconnects us from our spouses, resulting in us becoming strangers. This empties the marriage of intimacy.
 
Making the marriage the most important thing in your lives is the best thing you can do for your children. Your children benefit enormously when you have loving close relationship, as it models what a good marriage is, giving them the image framework to repeat it in their own adult lives.
It also helps marital longevity more likely.
 
TIP: Analyze your family life. Are you on auto pilot? Are you placing your relationship to God 1st, Spouse 2nd, Children 3rd, Parents 4th? If not, try to change as this will put your marriage on a better path towards lasting fulfillment.

“Good character is not formed in a week or a month. It is created little by little, day by day. Protracted and patient effort is needed to develop good character.” – Heraclitus 3

 

QUESTIONS:

 
Do you see yourself in any of the above?
 
Do you see partner in any of the above?
 
Do you admit you might need to tweak some things?
 
Great. Awareness is the first key to change and make things better.
 
Do not be static, stuck and remain in your relationship patterns.
 
Do something.
 
Take a positive step and invest in your relationship/marriage, It is worth the cost of money, time, effort and growth.

Change is the only constant. All is flux, nothing is stationary. Everything flows and nothing stays. 3 – Heraclitus

Be exceptional and do not wait years, 2013 is the year. Heed these warnings if you are living them.
 
Make the call to Richard Taylor of Atlanta Anger Management at 678.576.1913
 
When you do, your marriage/relationship will be a healthier, happier place to be and you will live longer due to less stress. Really.
 
 
CONTACT
Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator
Diplomate American Association Anger Management Providers
Atlanta Anger Management
5555 Glenridge Connector
Suite 200 (2nd Floor)
Atlanta, Georgia 30342 USA
Office Phone: 678-576-1913
Fax: 1-866-551-1253
Web: http://www.atlantaangermanagement.com
E-mail: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com
Linked in:http://www.linkedin.com/in/richardtayloraam

A Certified Anderson and Anderson™ Anger Management Provider
The Best Of The Best In Anger Management & Emotional Intelligence
 
At Atlanta Anger Management, Atlanta, GA  Anger Management is offered:

_______________________________________________________

References:
1. The Gottman Research Institute
2. Leo Averbach, Author, Breakup: Enduring Divorce; BreakupAid
Follow Leo Averbach on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Breakupwriter
3. Heritage Foundation – America’s Greatest Weapon Against Child Poverty
4. Heraclitus – Ηράκλειτος (Herakleitos; Heraclitus) of Ephesus (c.535 BC – 475 BC) was a Greek philosopher
Good character is not formed in a week or a month. It is created little by little, day by day. Protracted and patient effort is needed to develop good character.
5. Ancient version of the Taijitu (太極圖), origins from Lai Zhi-De (來知德) alias Lai Qu-Tang (來瞿唐) 1525-1604). Black and white swirls around a transparent circle.
6. “Creative Partners Invested In Positive Change” © Richard Taylor 2009
7. Michele Weiner-Davis MSW http://www.divorcebusting.com/
8. Michele Weiner-Davis MSW http://www.divorcebusting.com/
9. Empty Nests and Empty Marriages
10. Happy Wives Club 

BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD – ANGER MANAGEMENT – ATLANTA

Be Impeccable With Your Word

Be Impeccable with Your Word is the first of The Four Agreements 2 developed by Don Miguel Ruiz.1

Expressing yourself impeccably is to express yourself in the direction of truth and love. This includes expressing love, respect, and acceptance for yourself.

It is to say what you mean. Do what you say. To live up to your core values and do not violate them.

We should consider our Word to be much more than the words and phrases that we speak. Our words came from our thoughts that come from our beliefs in how the world works, evolved from our socialization process and life experience. So our Word reflects our beliefs, attitude, our cognitive distortions, our emotions, become our words, and resulting physical actions in the things we do.

If we increase our awareness of ourselves, the first step towards growth we start to pay attention to what we believe, think and the words we speak.

Do we do what we say? No? Why?

In my own experience I have people every week who call and set up an appointment for help with anger. We agree on a time and they know the cost. I call them to remind them of the appointment time. They confirm the appointment and then do not call or show up for the appointment. It seems to be more prevalent then people actually appearing for their appointment. Why is this? Today a lot of people do not do what they say. A simple text or phone call cancelling the appointment would be the grown up responsible action to do. People who  break this agreement (Be Impeccable) , do not respect themselves nor other people. They are unreliable people and this manifests in all their relationships. No wonder anger and broken troubled relationships are increasing.

The word fickle 3 comes to my mind. Often people who need real help in Anger Management often are fickle. Old English version says they are deceitful. Not trustworthy.

fick·le  (fkl)

adj.

Characterized by erratic changeableness or instability, especially with regard to affections or attachments; capricious.


[Middle English fikel, from Old English ficol, deceitful.]


fickle·ness n.

fickly adv.

The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition copyright ©2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Updated in 2009. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.


fickle [ˈfɪkəl]

adj

changeable in purpose, affections, etc.; capricious

[Old English ficol deceitful; related to fician to wheedle, befician to deceive]

fickleness  n

Collins English Dictionary – Complete and Unabridged © HarperCollins Publishers 1991, 1994, 1998, 2000, 2003

ThesaurusLegend:  Synonyms Related Words Antonyms

Adj. 1. fickle – marked by erratic changeableness in affections or attachments; “fickle friends”; “a flirt’s volatile affections”volatile

inconstant – likely to change frequently often without apparent or cogent reason; variable; “inconstant affections”; “an inconstant lover”; “swear not by…the inconstant moon”- Shakespeare

2. fickle – liable to sudden unpredictable change; “erratic behavior”; “fickle weather”; “mercurial twists of temperament”; “a quicksilver character, cool and willful at one moment, utterly fragile the next”erraticmercurialquicksilver

changefulchangeable – such that alteration is possible; having a marked tendency to change; ” “changeable moods”

Based on WordNet 3.0, Farlex clipart collection. © 2003-2012 Princeton University, Farlex Inc.

Self Awareness

Question to ask yourself:

  • Are you good to your Word?
  • Do you do what you say?
  • Do you live up to your core values?
  • Do you respect other people time and affections?
  • Are you reliable?
  • Are you trustworthy?
  • Do you have integrity?

If you answered “No” to any of these above questions, embrace Self Awareness and embrace Be Impeccable to Your Word and change for the better. Work towards truth and love.

These traits seems to be lacking in many people today.

To Be Impeccable with Your Word isn’t as simple as it might seem. Exploring the meaning of this first agreement your understanding of it will expand. Your self-awareness ( a key to personal growth) begins with paying attention to each moment of the day as it unfolds. This is called Mindfulness. You notice your thoughts that used to go unnoticed. You notice your comments that seemed you represent as true but notice they are not based on facts or faith you just copied something your read, heard on TV or YouTube. You notice that some of what you say is really personal beliefs not rooted in truth or love. You become aware of your subtle thoughts, beliefs, words, actions, and expressions of the day. Compared with this agreement Be Impeccable with Your Word things become more challenging than one originally imagined.

To master being impeccable requires that you heighten your awareness not just:

  • The words you say
  • The emotions you express
  • Your attitude
  • Your actions
  • Why you express the power of your belief and where it came from

You will need to develop a discipline of mindfulness to be impeccable in these expressional modes throughout the day.

Looking at emotions that bring up “negative” feelings in us: 4
  • jealousy
  • envy
  • frustration
  • sadness
  • anger
  • anxiety
  • fear
  • sorrow
  • disrespected (dissed)
  • offended
  • disgust
  • hate
  • grief
  • shame
  • embarrassed
  • panic
  • nervousness
  • insulted
  • humiliated
  • isolated
  • defeated
  • hopeless
  • grouchiness
  • moodiness
  • feeling misunderstood
  • isolation
  • alone
  • abandoned
  • self rejection
  • mad
  • enraged

While the feelings are what we feel, often being filtered though our Cognitive Distortions that are not rooted in truth and love. They are what we fall into without discernment. We react to stimuli, to events, to people, to things, and quickly let these “negative” unpleasant feeling wash over us. Many embrace them for days, for weeks, for a life time. Feeling Depressed? You let a feeling or many take a home in you instead of flowing through you as you should.

A key to good Emotional Health is to let our feeling flow through us. They are just a feeling and we observe them, we stay with them, embrace them, even if unpleasant. But they have a time and we let them go and move unto the next feeling. If we focus our attention to a positive experience, a positive thought, and positive action then they will replace the negative.

INCREASE THE POSITIVES

Positive always win over negative. Light always dispels the darkness. Truth always triumphants over lies.  The Sun will shine another day.

  • You can create and change how you feel emotionally by generating emotions, and then you feel them.
  • You can create dynamics of respect in relationship by being silent and active listening attentively.
  • Refrain from emotional reactions can create a different experience for yourself and others.
  • Express caring, compassion, appreciation in the activity of your actions.
  • Create a new different self image by new and different positive thoughts. New research shows it rewires your brain. You must implant the positive with 10-30 seconds of intentional focus. This helps the brain “remember”.

Being Impeccable To Your Word can be expressed in many ways in each moment that forms your day. ½ a day at a time. Being Present in the Moment. Being Mindful. This moment is what we have right now. The past is gone. The future, we can only hope for. It may never come. Death cannot be negotiated with. Live in the Present Moment to relieve suffering.

Silence can be Impeccable

Silence is an expression. And sometimes silence and refrain says a lot more than words can. Your actions are a part of how you create. Silence with good feelings is a positive. Silence with contempt is negative and not being impeccable. Active Listening with compassion goes a long way toward relationship building. Learn to not argue or quarrel.

Saying Sorry

Saying you are sorry is Being Impeccable To Your Word. It moves toward truth, love and forgiveness.

Fear – Anxiety – Panic

 

Fear – Anxiety – Panic are “negative emotions” that do not enhance life, they take energy away from us. They dehabilitate us. They render us ineffective.

Examples:

  • Fear of Failure
  • Fear of Death
  • Fear of Rejection
  • Fear of Ridicule
  • Fear of Loneliness
  • Fear of Misery – Poverty
  • Fear of Disappointment  – Ourselves vs. Others
  • Fear of Pain
  • Fear of The Unknown
  • Fear of Losing Your Freedom
  • Fear of Dating
  • Fear of Public Speaking
  • Fear of Success

Fear, Anxiety, Panic hold you back and are not being Impeccable.

When you experience Fear, Anxiety or Panic notice it. Embrace it. If you can stay with the feeling like diving into a deep swimming pool, swim to the bottom and be with the feeling. If you can stay with it without addictions like alcohol, drugs or other crutches it will ease. Peace will come. You can let it go. You make a choice to let it go. It goes. Then decide for a positive thought, a positive action and stay with that. Let that hold. Embrace it for as long as you can. Rewire you brain for the positive. Fear Anxiety or Panic will lessen and go elsewhere. Embrace Love. Fear and Love cannot exist side by side in you.

To Be Impeccable with Your Word is an art requiring constant vigilance with active awareness. You begin today and master over a lifetime of work. Some never master it.

It is in the trying, in the consistent practice to master our emotional expression, master our beliefs, master our thoughts, master our words and master our actions that we change into a person with Integrity, Character, Virtue, Truth and Love.

We become Impeccable.

Why not start today?

Result: Your life will become a masterpiece of beauty, grace, happiness and love.

The Four Agreements – 15th Anniversary Illustrated Edition 5

“Everything we do is based on agreements we have made – agreements with ourselves, with other people, with God, with life. But the most important agreements are the ones we make with ourselves. In these agreements we tell ourselves who we are, how to behave, what is possible, what is impossible. One single agreement is not such a problem, but we have many agreements that come from fear, deplete our energy, and diminish our self-worth.”

“In these agreements we tell ourselves who we are, how to behave, what is possible, what is impossible.”

In this powerful book that has remained on The New York Times Bestseller List for over eight years, don Miguel reveals the source of self-limiting beliefs that rob us of joy and create needless suffering. When we are ready to change these agreements, there are four deceptively simple, yet powerful agreements that we can adopt as guiding principles. The Four Agreements® offer a powerful code of conduct that can rapidly transform our lives to a new experience of freedom, true happiness, and love.

The Four Agreements are:

Be Impeccable With Your Word
Don’t Take Anything Personally
Don’t Make Assumptions
Always Do Your Best

CONTACT

Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator
Diplomate American Association Anger Management Providers

Atlanta Anger Management 
5555 Glenridge Connector
Suite 200 (2nd Floor)
Atlanta, Georgia 30342 USA

Office Phone: 678-576-1913
Fax: 1-866-551-1253
Web: www.atlantaangermanagement.com
E-mail: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com

Linked in:http://www.linkedin.com/in/richardtayloraam

A Certified Anderson and Anderson™ Anger Management Provider
The Best Of The Best In Anger Management & Emotional Intelligence

_______________________________________________________________
References:

1. Don Miguel Ruiz Website: http://www.miguelruiz.com/index.php

2. The Four Agreements Amazon

3. Fickle The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition copyright ©2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Updated in 2009. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.

Collins English Dictionary – Complete and Unabridged © HarperCollins Publishers 1991, 1994, 1998, 2000, 2003

Based on WordNet 3.0, Farlex clipart collection. © 2003-2012 Princeton University, Farlex Inc.

4.  Emotions    http://atlantaangermanagement.com/anger.htm

5.  The Four Agreements – 15th Anniversary Illustrated Edition