HOW TO BE KIND

How to Be Kind

Three Parts:Developing a Kinder Perspective Developing Kind Qualities Taking Action Community  Q&A

Being kind is a vital way of bringing meaning to our own lives as well as the lives of others. Being kind allows us to communicate better, be more compassionate, and also to be a positive force in people’s lives. Kindness has its true source deep within you, and while some people are innately kind, it’s something that everyone can cultivate by choice.

Part 1

Developing a Kinder Perspective

  1. Care for others genuinely. At its most basic, kindness is about caring genuinely for others around you, wanting the best for them, and recognizing in them the same wants, needs, aspirations, and even fears that you have too. Kindness is warm, resilient, patient, trusting, loyal, and grateful.[1] Piero Ferrucci sees kindness as being about “making less effort” because it frees us from getting knotted up in negative attitudes and feelings such as resentment, jealousy, suspicion, and manipulation.[2] Ultimately, kindness is deep caring for all beings.
    • Practice kindness and generosity toward others. Being out of practice, being shy, or not knowing how to reach out to others can only be overcome in the doing, by continually trying until it becomes a natural impulse to be kind and giving to others.
    • Ask for nothing in return. The greatest kindness expects nothing, comes with no strings attached, and places no conditions on anything done or said.

 

  1. Don’t be kind for the sake of getting what you want. Beware of deluded kindness. Kindness is not about “self-interested politeness, calculated generosity, superficial etiquette”.[3] Simply being nice to other people because you believe that this will manipulate them into giving you what you want in life, or as a means of controlling them, is not kindness. Nor is kindness about pretending to care for someone all the while repressing anger or contempt; hiding our rage or frustration behind false pleasantries is not kindness.
    • Finally, being a people pleaser is not kindness; that’s simply behavior designed to give in and not rock the boat because you’re afraid that taking a step forward will sink the ship.

 

  1. Be kind to yourself. Many people make the error of trying to be kind to others while at the same time not focusing on being kind to themselves. Some of this can stem from not liking aspects of yourself, but more often than not, it’s sourced in the inability to know yourself better. And unfortunately, when you don’t feel rock solid within yourself, your kindness to others risks falling into the deluded types of kindness described in the previous step. Or, it can lead to burn-out and disillusionment because you’ve put everyone else first.
    • Self-knowledge allows you to see what causes you pain and conflict, and enables you to embrace your contradictions and inconsistencies. It allows the space to work on things about yourself that you’re not happy with. In turn, self-knowledge helps to prevent you from projecting your negative aspects onto other people, thereby empowering you to treat other people with love and kindness.[4].
    • Take time to become more self-aware and use this learning to be kinder to both yourself (remembering that we all have weaknesses) and to others. In this way, your inner angst is being dealt with rather than fueling your need to project the hurt and pain.
    • Avoid viewing time taken to become more aware of your own needs and limits as an act of selfishness; far from it, it is a vital pre-condition to being able to reach out to other people with great strength and awareness.
    • Ask yourself what you think it means to be kinder to yourself. For many people, being kinder to themselves includes monitoring the chatter in your thoughts and stopping your negative thinking.

 

  1. Learn kindness from others. Think about the truly kind people in your life and how they make you feel. Do you carry their warm glow around in your heart every time you think of them? It is likely that you do because kindness lingers, warming you even when the hardest challenges face you. When other people find a way to love you for who you are, it’s impossible to forget such trust and confirmation of worthiness, and their kindness lives on forever.
    • Remember how other people’s kindness “makes your day”. What is it about their kindness that makes you feel special and cherished? Are there things that they do that you can replicate from your own heart?

 

  1. Cultivate kindness for the good of your own health. Improved psychological health and happiness comes from thinking more positively, and kindness is a positive mental state. While kindness is about giving and being open to others, giving kindness returns a sense of well-being and connection to us that improves our own mental state and health.
    • Although simple, the very ability to be kind is in itself a powerful and consistent reward, a self-esteem booster.[5]

 

  1. Make a habit of focusing on kindness. Leo Babauta says that kindness is a habit and is one that everyone can cultivate. He suggests focusing on kindness every day for a month. At the end of this directed focus, you’ll be aware of profound changes in your life, you’ll feel better about yourself as a person, and you’ll find that people react to you differently, including treating you better. As he says, in the long run, being kind is karma in practice.[6] Suggestions to help cultivate your kindness include:
    • Do one kind thing for someone every day. Make a conscious decision at the beginning of the day what that kind act will be and make time to do it during the day.
    • Be kind, friendly, and compassionate when you interact with someone, and even more so where that person normally makes you angry, stressed, or bothered. Use kindness as your strength.
    • Build up your small acts of kindness into larger acts of compassion. Volunteering for those in need and taking the initiative to relieve suffering are bigger acts of compassion.[7]
    • Meditate to help spread kindness. Read Practice Loving Kindness Meditation (Metta) for more details.

 

  1. Be kind to everyone, not just people “in need”. Expand your circle of kindness. It can be very easy to be kind when we’re unconsciously doing what Stephanie Dowrick terms “patronizing kindness”.[8] This refers to kindness given to those people we feel are truly in need (the sick, the poor, the vulnerable, and those who align with our own ideals). Being kind to people close to us, emotionally (like family or friends) or in other ways (from the same country, of the same color, gender etc.), is also easier than being kind to those the philosopher Hegel called “the other”. It can be more difficult to be kind to people we may consider our equals, but it will be worth it.
    • The trouble with restricting our kindness to “convenient” cases is that we fail to recognize that we need to be kind to everyone, no matter who they are, their level of wealth or fortune, their values and beliefs, their behavior and attitudes, their place of origin, their likeness to ourselves, etc.
    • By choosing to be kind only to those we feel are deserving of kindness, we are unleashing our own biases and judgment, and only practicing conditional kindness. Natural kindness encompasses all beings and while the challenges you’ll face when trying to put this broader notion of kindness into practice will sometimes be trying, you’ll never stop learning about the depths of your ability to be truly kind.
    • If you’re neglecting being kind to someone else just because you think they can cope without your support or understanding, then you’re practicing selective kindness.

 

  1. Minimize judgment. If you really want to be kind, then you have to kick your judgment to the curb. Instead of spending your time being critical of other people, work on being positive and compassionate. If you tend to think poorly of others, wish other people could step up their game, or feel like the people around you are needy or clueless, then you’ll never learn true kindness. Stop judging people and realize that you’ll never fully understand where they’re coming from unless you walk a day in their shoes. Focus on wanting to help others instead of judging them for not being better than they are.
    • If you’re judgmental, prone to gossip, or just always bad-mouthing the people around you, you’ll never be able to move past your reservations to be kind.
    • Being kind means giving people the benefit of the doubt instead of expecting perfection.

Be Kind

Part 2

Developing Kind Qualities

  1. Be compassionate toward others. It’s important to take in the message, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle”. Attributed to Plato, this saying is a recognition that everyone is undergoing some challenge or other in their lives and that sometimes, it’s all too easy for us to lose sight of that when embroiled in our own problems or anger against them. Before committing an action that might impact another person negatively, ask yourself a simple question: “Is this kind?”. If you cannot answer this in the affirmative, this is a reminder to change your action and approach immediately.
    • Even where you’re feeling at your very worst, remember that other people are also feeling uncertainty, pain, hardship, sadness, disappointment, and loss. In no way does this belittle your own feelings but it does allow you to realize that people often react from their hurt and pain rather than from their whole self, and kindness is the key to seeing past the raging emotions and connecting with the real person inside.

 

  1. Don’t expect perfection. If you have a tendency toward perfectionism, competitiveness, or a driven sense of urgency, self-kindness can often be a victim of your ambition and fast pace, as well as your fear of being seen to be lazy or selfish.[9] Remember to slow down and to forgive yourself when things don’t work out as wished.
    • Learn from your mistakes rather than beating yourself up over them, or comparing yourself to others.[10] It is through self-compassionate responses that you can start to see other people’s needs in a compassionate light.
  2. Be present. The greatest gift of kindness to another person is to be in the moment in their presence, to be listening with care, and to be genuinely attentive to them. Schedule your day differently, and stop being known as the person who always rushes off. Being present means being available; you can only do this if you’re not rushing or squeezing in people and activities.
    • Ease off the technical means of communicating with others. Impersonal and hurried technical communications like text and email have their place in life, but not as your only means of communicating. Take time to connect with people face-to-face, or via an uninterrupted phone call. Send a letter instead of an email and surprise someone with the kindness of your having taken time out of your day to put pen to paper.

 

  1. Be a good listener. The act of listening is easier said than done in our fast-paced world, where rushing and being busy are seen as virtues; where cutting someone off because you’re too busy, or you need to get somewhere in a hurry, is the norm. Making being busy into a habit is no excuse for unkindness, however. When talking to someone, learn to listen with your whole being and sincerely pay attention to them until they’re done revealing their thoughts and story.
    • Truly listening to someone, making eye contact, avoiding all distractions, and giving a person the time of day is one of the greatest acts of kindness. Take the time to truly absorb what the person is saying before responding with a pre-made answer or interrupting. Show the person that you appreciate the unique situation he’s in and that you’re there to lend an ear.
    • Being a good listener doesn’t mean being a great problem solver. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is just be there to listen, while acknowledging that you don’t know what the person should do.

 

  1. Be optimistic. Happiness, joy, and gratitude rest at the heart of kindness, allowing you to see the good in others and the world, enabling you to press through the challenges, despair, and cruelty you witness and experience, continuously restoring your sense of faith in humanity. Maintaining an optimistic attitude ensures that acts of kindness are committed with genuine joy and cheerfulness rather than with reluctance or out of a sense of duty or service. And keeping your sense of humor ensures that you don’t take yourself too seriously and take life’s contradictory and contrary moments with good faith.
    • It’s not always easy to be optimistic, especially when you’ve had a crummy day. But with enough practice, anyone can cultivate optimism by focusing on the positive instead of the negative, thinking ahead to happy things in the future, and living a life that is filled with more joy than sadness. And it doesn’t cost a dollar to look on the brighter side of things, either.
    • Being optimistic and staying positive will not only put you in more of a mindset to be kind, but it will also bring joy to those around you. If you spend much of your time complaining, then it will be more difficult to bring happiness to the people in your orbit.
    • Read How to be happy, How to be funny, and How to be thankful for more information on how to cultivate optimism.

 

  1. Be friendly. People who are kind tend to also be friendly. This doesn’t mean they are the most outgoing people in the room, but that they make an effort to get to know new people and to make them feel at home. If there’s someone new at your school or workplace, you can try to talk to that person, explain how things work, and even invite him or her to social events. Even if you’re not outgoing, just smiling and making small talk with people can go a long way in making you friendlier, and this kindness will not go unnoticed.
    • Friendly people are kind because they expect the best from people. They talk to new people and friends alike in an easygoing, reassuring way that makes them feel at home.
    • If you’re naturally shy, you don’t have to change your personality completely. Just make a bit more of an effort to be nice to people by giving them your attention, asking them how they are, and showing an interest in them.

 

  1. Be polite. Although being polite is not an indication of kindness in itself, genuine politeness demonstrates your respect for those you’re interacting with. Being polite is the kind way of getting people’s attention and putting your point across. Some simple ways to do this include:
    • Find ways to rephrase your requests or responses to others. For example, say “May I?” instead of “Can I?”; say “I’m surprised” instead of “That’s not fair”; say “Let me explain that another way” instead of saying “That’s not what I said”. Rephrasing your language speaks volumes.
    • Have excellent manners. Hold doors open for people, avoid being overly vulgar in person, and don’t be overly familiar with new people.
    • Make compliments and mean them.
    • Read How to practice courtesy and kindness for more ideas.

 

  1. Be grateful. People who are truly kind are easily able to express gratitude. They don’t take anything for granted and always thank people for helping them out. They know how to say “thank you” and really mean it, they write thank-you cards, and they are comfortable with acknowledging when they have been helped. People who are grateful also thank people just because, for things like making their days brighter, instead of only thanking them for completing specific tasks. If you make a habit of being more grateful to the people around you, you’ll see that your capacity for kinds will increase.
    • If you’re more observant of all the nice things other people do for you, then you’ll be more ready to do nice things for others. You’ll be more aware of how good the kindness of others makes you feel and will feel more inclined to spread the love.

Be Kind

Part 3

Taking Action

  1. Love animals and the living world. Loving animals and caring for pets is kindness in action. Nothing compels you to care about beings of another species, especially in a day and age where the tools of human domination are so powerful. And yet, the very act of loving an animal and respecting the animal for its own value is an expression of deep kindness. As well, being kind to the world that sustains and nurtures us is sensible as well as kind, ensuring that we don’t poison the very elements that assure us a healthy life.
    • Adopt or foster a pet. Your kindness will be rewarded by letting another being into your life who will bring you joy and love.
    • Offer to pet-sit for a friend who is going away. Give your friend the reassurance that someone loving and caring will be tending to her pet while she’s away.
    • Respect the species you’re caring for. Humans don’t “own” animals; rather, we stand in a relationship of being responsible for their well-being and care.
    • Take time to restore parts of your local environment with the local community. Go for walks in nature with family, friends, alone, and commune with the world that you’re a part of. Share your love for nature with others, to help reawaken their sense of connection with nature.

 

  1. Share. People who are kind are happy to share with others. You can share your favorite sweater, half of your delicious enchilada, or even words of career advice to someone younger than you. The important thing is that you’re sharing something that you actually care about, instead of giving away something you don’t really need. It’s much more meaningful to let your friend borrow your favorite sweater than to give her an old hand-me-down you never wear. Sharing with people will make you more generous and thus, more inclined towards kindness.
    • Keep an eye out for people who would really benefit from some of the things you have. They may not always ask for them, but you can offer them readily before they admit that they need something from you.

 

  1. Smile more. Smiling is a simple act of kindness that can go a long way. Make a habit of smiling at strangers, or at your friends or acquaintances. Though you don’t have to walk around with a smile plastered on your face, smiling at people will make them smile back, and will bring even a modicum of joy to their days. What’s more, smiling can actually trick your mind into feeling happier than it previously was. Everybody wins when you smile, and your capacity for kindness will grow in the process.
    • Smiling at people will also make them more comfortable and will make you look more approachable, which is another way of being kind. Being welcoming to others, and even giving strangers the benefit of the doubt by smiling at them, is another way of being kind.

 

  1. Take an interest in people. People who are truly kind are genuinely interested in other people. They aren’t kind to them just because they want to get what they want or because they are fishing for a favor. They do it because they genuinely care about how people are doing and want those around them to be happy and healthy. To be more kind, work on developing an interest in other people and show them that you care by being attentive, asking questions, and paying attention to them. Here are some ways to take an interest in people:
    • Ask people how they are and mean it.
    • Ask people about their hobbies, interests, and families.
    • If someone you cared about had a big life event, ask that person how it went.
    • If someone you know has a big exam or interview coming up, wish him or her luck.
    • When you talk to people, make sure they are doing at least about half of the talking. Don’t dominate a conversation and focus more on the other person than yourself.
    • Make eye contact and put away your cell phone when you talk to people. Show that they are your first priority.

 

  1. Call up a friend just because. You don’t always need a reason to call up a good friend. Make a goal of calling one friend per week, or even two friends per week, just to catch up and see how that person is doing. Don’t call to make plans or to ask that person something specific; call just because you miss your friend and have been thinking about him or her. Getting in touch with your friends out of the blue will make them feel cared for and will make you feel good; this shows kindness and thoughtfulness.
    • If you’re really short on time, you can start by making a habit of calling up your friends on their birthdays. Don’t be lazy and send a text message or even a Facebook post, but give your friend a phone call from the heart.

 

  1. Donate your things. Another way to be kind is to donate some of your belongings to charity. Instead of throwing out your old things or selling them for 50 cents at a garage sale, donate the things you don’t need to a good cause. If you have clothes, books, or other household items that are in good condition, then making a habit of donating these things to charity instead of storing them up or tossing them is a great way to spread your kindness to others.
    • If you have some clothes or books that someone you know would want, then don’t be shy about donating those items to that person. This is another way of being kind.

 

  1. Do a random act of kindness. “Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you.” These are the words once said by Princess Diana. The practice of random acts of kindness is alive and well as a conscious effort to spread more kindness; there are even groups that have established themselves to perform this essential civic duty! Here are some great random acts of kindness you can do:
    • Shovel a neighbor’s driveway as well as your own.
    • Wash a friend’s car.
    • Put money into an expired meter.
    • Help someone carry a heavy bag.
    • Leave a gift on someone’s doorstep.
    • For more details on practicing random acts of kindness, read How to practice random acts of kindness.

 

  1. Transform your life through kindness. Changing how you live and how you view the world might seem daunting. But take a note of Aldous Huxley’s prescription for transforming your life: “People often ask me what is the most effective technique for transforming their life. It is a little embarrassing that after years and years of research and experimentation, I have to say that the best answer is–just be a little kinder.”[11] Take Huxley’s many years of research to heart and allow kindness to transform your life, to transcend all feelings and actions of aggression, hate, despising, anger, fear, and self-deprecation, and to restore strength worn away by despair.
    • Through being kind, you take a stand by affirming that caring for others, for our environment, for yourself is the right way to live life.[12] It isn’t about immediate effectiveness; kindness is a lifestyle choice, a constant hum and rhythm accompanying every single thing that you think and do.
    • Through being kind, you let go of the burden of worrying that others have more than you, are less or more deserving than you, or are in a position of superiority or inferiority to you. Instead, kindness assumes everyone is worthy, you included.
    • Through being kind, you recognize that we are all in this together. When you harm another person, you also harm yourself. What you do to support others also supports you.

Community Q&A

  • How do I be kind when I am upset, sad, or grumpy?

Recognize your emotional state and find ways to calm yourself: deep breaths, taking some alone time, et cetera. Focus entirely on the other person. If you’re too upset to handle it, say “I’m upset and I can’t be a good listener right now.” Give yourself patience and time, and don’t push things before you’re ready.

 

  • How can I be kind to others when I feel empty or don’t care about others?

If you feel this way, you need to start by being kind to yourself first. You’re projecting what you feel deep inside about yourself — empty and without self care. Spend some time caring for your own self and needs first, perhaps getting counseling for unresolved issues that are holding you back from being your best self. When you learn to love yourself and take good care of you, then you’ll find it much easier to be kind to others.

 

  • How do you be nice to people when they are always attacking you, physically or emotionally?

Rise above and do your best to remove those people from your life. Dealing with not nice people isn’t always fun or fair, but you will thank yourself for staying true to your kind self.

  • How do I remain calm when I feel like someone’s using me?

If you feel like someone is using you, tell them your feelings directly. If they are your friend, they will not be mad at you for sharing your opinion. If you’re having trouble staying calm around this person, you may want to take a break from spending time with them.

 

  • Do I have to be kind even when some people never appreciate my kindness?

Being kind for the sake of being kind doesn’t require appreciation in return. If you place a condition on kindness, then it’s not really being kind. There are many reasons why people aren’t instantly or obviously appreciative, including astonishment, exhaustion, slowness to respond, obtuseness, quiet appreciation, etc. Some people are rude but that just means more kindness is needed. It may also help you to understand that it’s more about your karma, not theirs, without being a doormat, of course.

  • Am I ever too old to make this change?

No, you’re never too old. Everyone of every age can benefit from being kinder. If you’ve been mean your whole life, it might take people some time to adjust to your change of heart, but it’s worth it!

  • Why do we need to learn kindness from others?

It’s not so much about learning kindness as about unlearning all the defensiveness that socializing teaches us. We feel safer being defensive and self/family protective, and this is part of our ancient ancestral understandings that enhance survival. Kindness often forces us to put ourselves in other people’s shoes, to understand where they’re coming from even if we don’t usually think like them. It also requires a spirit of generosity and care for strangers, which can sometimes be difficult when we worry about our own/own family’s needs. Yet, kindness begets kindness, so it is often through seeing others’ kindness that we learn it has beneficial, supportive and caring outcomes that each of us aspires to in the greater scheme of life.

Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Kind

 

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Keep the Conflict Small!

Keep the Conflict Small! (With Managed Emotions)

By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.

© 2015 by Bill Eddy

Whether you’re having an argument with a family member, friend or co-worker, it’s easy nowadays to make little conflicts way too big. All around us are repeated images of people arguing and losing control of their emotions – in emails, on the Internet, in movies and on TV – especially in the news (do you know what so-and-so said about you-know-who?) Not only is this unnecessary, but allowing conflicts to get large can be harmful to important relationships, increase the anxiety of those around us (especially children) and lower one’s status in other people’s eyes.

For example, in a recent article in Parade Magazine about the steps to becoming a successful entrepreneur, the author-expert Linda Rottenberg wrote: “The most important step is to manage your emotions.” (“An Entrepreneur Should Never Be a Daredevil,” November 2, 2014) In a recently-reported study about children’s brain development, child psychiatrist and researcher Jeffrey Rowe said the first five years of life are critically important to forming proper brain connections. “If you can’t control yourself, can’t control your emotions, you can’t pay attention to the outside world.” (B.J. Fikes, “Money, brain size linked,” U-T San Diego, March 31, 2015)

This article has some suggestions for keeping conflicts small by managing our emotions. Managed emotions are a big part of our skills-training methods, New Ways for Families and New Ways for Work, and may be more important in today’s world than ever before.
Try to Avoid This

A Family Feud: An argument in a couple: “You always leave your socks on the floor.” (That’s a little conflict.) “You’re such a slob.” (Now it’s a judgment about the whole person.) “You men, you’re all alike – irresponsible and self-centered!” (Now it’s about a whole gender.) If another family member came into this argument at this point, he or she would probably take gender sides and the conflict could easily get much bigger.

A Workplace Conflict: Some people clean up after themselves in the lunchroom and others don’t. Joe is a cleaner-upper. ”Look at this banana peel and sandwich bag, just left behind.” (A problem to solve.) “Why do I always have to clean up for everyone else!” (Now it’s about being a victim of everyone.) “Maybe I should go someplace to work where I’m appreciated!” (Now it’s about quitting – ending the relationship.)

A Divorce Dispute: Parents have to discuss a change of schedule: “I’ve got an opportunity for this coming Wednesday night – can we switch so I see the kids Tuesday or Thursday?” (A common problem to solve.) “I’ve told you a hundred times, I’m sticking to our Agreement, with no exceptions. 100%. The kids need absolute stability.” (Now we’re slipping into all-or-nothing thinking. Doubtful that it’s been a hundred times. However, rare cases do require no changes, because of extreme manipulation or violence in the past.) “In fact, I’m going to take you back to court to reduce your time with the kids, you f—ing jerk! You’re the worst father/mother in the world.” (Oops. Guess the children’s stability isn’t the issue after all.)
Try This Instead

In all of the above examples, the speaker quickly went from a simple problem to solve into all-or-nothing thinking and intense emotions. We refer to these emotions as unmanaged emotions, because they don’t get the person what the person really wants: respect, peace and quiet, a happy relationship, or whatever they were looking for. Now they have a bigger problem to solve and probably feel helpless or victimized, and distracted. Remember what the brain researcher said above: You can’t pay attention to the outside world when you’re busy reacting. So how can you manage your emotions in situations like this?

1. Regularly remind yourself to keep the conflict small. Ask yourself:

“Is this really a big deal?”

“Can this problem be solved by making a proposal?”

“What is the smallest issue here? Let’s start by solving that.”

“What are my choices here? I always have choices.”

2. Regularly give yourself encouraging statements. This will help you feel less defensive and less likely to over-react to other people’s behavior or emotions:

“It’s not about me!”

“I’m doing fine! I don’t have to prove anything here.”

“I can take a break!”

“I can handle this. No reason to lose control.”
Emotions Are Contagious

This all might seem very easy to do while you’re reading this. But actually it’s harder to do when other people aren’t managing their emotions, because emotions are contagious. There seems to be at least two reasons for this impact on our brains.

Amygdala responses: We have two amygdalae in our brains; one in the middle of each hemisphere. The right amygdala quickly reacts to other people’s facial expressions of fear and anger, and instantly starts a fight, flight or freeze response. Apparently the left amygdala responds more to threats in writing. You can see the protective response happening when someone else over-reacts – it’s usually sudden and extreme, and sometimes shocking in an office or in a meeting. But our prefrontal cortex (right behind your forehead) can over-ride the amygdala and say: Relax, it’s not a crisis. And the amygdala quiets down. This comes with practice – lots of practice telling yourself what’s not a crisis. This is a lot of what adolescence is about: figuring out what are real dangers that need fast all-or-nothing action and what are just problems to solve rationally.

Mirror neurons: Apparently we have neurons in our brains that fire when we do something AND when we just watch someone else doing something. Is seems that it’s a short-cut to learning – our brains are constantly getting us ready to do what others are doing. It may be a part of our group survival skills that we’re born with. Better to quickly run or fight or hide when others are doing so, rather than risk getting isolated and not surviving. But these responses can also be over-ridden – once you know about this. (So now you know about this.) But it also takes practice.

With this knowledge, you can be more specific with yourself when reminding yourself to keep the conflict small:

“I don’t have to mirror other people’s emotions.”

“I’m just having an amygdala response. But it’s not a crisis, so I can relax.”

“I have a choice: to react or focus on problem-solving. This is just a problem to solve.”
Get Support and Consultation

Another way to keep the conflict small is to talk to other people and get encouragement for yourself. This way you’ll feel less defensive and less anxious. Also, get their consultation suggestions for how to deal with a conflict and help keep it small. Ask: “Do you think this is a crisis? What do you see as my choices? What do you suggest?” Just talking to someone else can make a big difference.

You also may be facing a new problem you’ve never faced before. Don’t feel like you have to deal with it alone and don’t feel ashamed of yourself for being in your situation. Today, the types of problems most of us face have come up for thousands or millions of other people. Family issues, workplace conflicts, divorce disputes are extremely common. Yet it’s easy to see these problems as huge and overwhelming, and become isolated and feel helpless. Remind yourself: “It’s just a problem to solve. I can get consultation and suggestions from someone else. I don’t have to deal with this alone.”

Tune Out Extreme Media

Much of today’s media repeatedly shows dramatic images of people losing control over ordinary problems: from sitcoms to movies to the evening news. They compete to grab your attention with more and more extreme behavior, to get viewers and “market share” in the highly competitive world of modern media. But remember mirror neurons. We are absorbing this extreme loss-of-control behavior we observe, even when we aren’t thinking about it. Use your prefrontal cortex and remind yourself: These aren’t crises; they’re entertainment designed to grab my amygdala and mirror neurons. I can tune this out. It’s up to me what I think and feel.

Conclusion

Modern life has made us more aware of problems around the world, and exposes us constantly to other people’s over-reactions to problems. However, we can keep the conflict small, by what we tell ourselves and by understanding that we have control over our emotions to a great extent – especially if we practice encouraging statements and getting support. We’re not alone with these problems – at home or at work. We can handle them and get help when we need it. We can “Keep the conflict small!”

Bill Eddy is a mediator, lawyer, therapist and the President of the High Conflict Institute based in San Diego. High Conflict Institute provides consultation for high-conflict situations, coaching for BIFF Responses (written responses that are Brief, Informative, Friendly and Firm), and training for professionals in managing high conflict disputes in legal, workplace, healthcare and educational settings. He is also co-author with L. Georgi DiStefano, LCSW, of the Axiom Award-Winning new book: It’s All Your Fault at Work! Managing Narcissists and Other High-Conflict People. For books, videos for anyone, free articles or to schedule a training: www.HighConflictInstitute.com.
________________________________________
CONTACT

Emotional Intelligence

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator
Diplomate American Association Anger Management Providers

ANGER ASSESSMENT EVALUATIONS

 

Conflict Management

Atlanta Anger Management
5555 Glenridge Connector
Suite 200 (2nd Floor)
Atlanta, Georgia 30342 USA

Office Phone: 678-576-1913
Fax: 1-866-551-1253
Web: http://www.atlantaangermanagement.com
E-mail: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com

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55 Inspiring Quotes On Emotional Intelligence

55 Inspiring Quotes On Emotional Intelligence

Call Richard Taylor 678-576-1913

Here’s some inspiration in case you missed it….By Gordon Tredgold

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

55 Inspiring Quotes That Show the Importance of Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is a major factor in our success.

BY GORDON TREDGOLD
Founder and CEO, Leadership Principles@gordontredgold

Emotional intelligence can be the most potent weapon in our armory. It helps boost our self-awareness, self-control, motivation, empathy, and social skills, relationship management, all of which help us become much better leaders.

Here are 55 quotes to remind us of the power and importance of emotional intelligence and why we should focus on developing it further.

 

  1. If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand, if you don’t have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can’t have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far. -Daniel Goleman
  2. 75 percent of careers are derailed for reasons related to emotional competencies, including inability to handle interpersonal problems; unsatisfactory team leadership during times of difficulty or conflict; or inability to adapt to change or elicit trust.  -Center for Creative Leadership
  3. When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion. -Dale Carnegie
  4. When our emotional health is in a bad state, so is our level of self-esteem. We have to slow down and deal with what is troubling us, so that we can enjoy the simple joy of being happy and at peace with ourselves. -Jess C. Scott
  5. The only way to change someone’s mind is to connect with them from the heart.
    -Rasheed Ogunlaru
  6. No one cares how much you know, until they know how much you care.
    -Theodore Roosevelt
  7. Unleash in the right time and place before you explode at the wrong time and place. -Oli Anderson
  8. The greatest ability in business is to get along with others and influence their actions. -John Hancock
  9. In a high-IQ job pool, soft skills like discipline, drive, and empathy mark those who emerge as outstanding. -Daniel Goleman
  10. Any person capable of angering you becomes your master. -Epictetus
  11. Anyone can be angry–that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way–that is not easy. -Aristotle
  12. Every time we allow someone to move us with anger, we teach them to be angry.  -Barry Neil Kaufman
  13. Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. -Leo Buscaglia
  14. Emotions can get in the way or get you on the way. -Mavis Mazhura
  15. Experience is not what happens to you–it’s how you interpret what happens to you. -Aldous Huxley
  16. Running a marathon with a backpack is tough and may hinder you from winning the race. Don’t let the baggage from your past–heavy with fear, guilt, and anger–slow you down.  -Maddy Malhotra
  17. Our feelings are not there to be cast out or conquered. They’re there to be engaged and expressed with imagination and intelligence. -T.K. Coleman
  18. When you make people angry, they act in accordance with their baser instincts, often violently and irrationally. When you inspire people, they act in accordance with their higher instincts, sensibly and rationally. Also, anger is transient, whereas inspiration sometimes has a lifelong effect. -Peace Pilgrim
  19. It isn’t stress that makes us fall–it’s how we respond to stressful events.
    -Wayde Goodall
  20. Whatever is begun in anger, ends in shame. -Benjamin Franklin
  21. Emotional intelligence is the ability to sense, understand, and effectively apply the power and acumen of emotions as a source of human energy, information, connection, and influence.  -Robert K. Cooper, PhD
  22. It is very important to understand that emotional intelligence is not the opposite of intelligence, it is not the triumph of heart over head–it is the unique intersection of both. -David Caruso
  23. We define emotional intelligence as the subset of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions. -Salovey and Mayer
  24. For news of the heart, ask the face. -West African saying
  25. Let’s not forget that the little emotions are the great captains of our lives and we obey them without realizing it. -Vincent van Gogh
  26. Quick to judge, quick to anger, slow to understand … prejudice, fear, and ignorance walk hand in hand. -Peart
  27. The essential difference between emotion and reason is that emotion leads to action while reason leads to conclusions. -Donald Calne
  28. You can conquer almost any fear if you will only make up your mind to do so. For remember, fear doesn’t exist anywhere except in the mind. -Dale Carnegie
  29. Your intellect may be confused, but your emotions will never lie to you. -Roger Ebert
  30. Change happens in the boiler room of our emotions–so find out how to light their fires. -Jeff Dewar
  31. If we lack emotional intelligence, whenever stress rises the human brain switches to autopilot and has an inherent tendency to do more of the same, only harder.  Which, more often than not, is precisely the wrong approach in today’s world.
    -Robert K. Cooper
  32. Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business. -Norman Vincent Peale
  33. To increase your effectiveness, make your emotions subordinate to your commitments. -Brian Koslow
  34. When you listen with empathy to another person, you give that person psychological air. -Stephen R. Covey
  35. Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution. -Kahlil Gibran
  36. Remember that failure is an event, not a person. -Zig Ziglar
  37. We are at our most powerful the moment we no longer need to be powerful. -Eric Micha’el Leventhal
  38. I’m a pessimist because of intelligence, but an optimist because of will. -Antonio Gramsci
  39. It takes something more than intelligence to act intelligently. -Fyodor Dostoyevsky
  40. A leader is a dealer in hope. -Napoleon Bonaparte
  41. When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen. -Ernest Hemingway
  42. Whenever you feel like criticizing anyone … just remember that all the people in this world haven’t had the advantages that you’ve had. -F. Scott Fitzgerald
  43. Some people think only intellect counts: knowing how to solve problems, knowing how to get by, knowing how to identify an advantage and seize it. But the functions of intellect are insufficient without courage, love, friendship, compassion, and empathy. -Dean Koontz
  44. He’d always known that shit rolled downhill, but he never knew tears did the same thing. -Amy Lane
  45. Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate. -C.G. Jung
  46. Don’t compromise yourself. You’re all you’ve got.  -Janis Joplin
  47. Wisdom tends to grow in proportion to one’s awareness of one’s ignorance.
    -Anthony de Mello
  48. The way to do is to be. -Lao Tzu
  49. The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.
    -Carl R. Rogers
  50. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. -Socrates
  51. If we can’t laugh at ourselves, do we have the right to laugh at others? -C.H. Hamel
  52. Before you are a leader, success is all about growing yourself. When you become a leader, success is all about growing others. -Jack Welch
  53. In my 35 years in business, I have always trusted my emotions. I have always believed that by touching emotion you get the best people to work with you, the best clients to inspire you, the best partners and most devoted customers.
    -Kevin Roberts
  54. One way to boost our willpower and focus is to manage our distractions instead of letting them manage us. -Daniel Goleman
  55. Emotional intelligence is a way of recognizing, understanding, and choosing how we think, feel, and act. It shapes our interactions with others and our understanding of ourselves. It defines how and what we learn; it allows us to set priorities; it determines the majority of our daily actions. Research suggests it is responsible for as much as 80 percent of the “success” in our lives. -J. Freedman

The opinions expressed here by Inc.com columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.

PUBLISHED ON: AUG 4, 2016

Source: http://www.inc.com/gordon-tredgold/55-inspiring-quotes-that-show-the-importance-of-emotional-intelligence.html

 

________________________________________________

 

CONTACT       Call Richard Taylor 678-576-1913

Emotional Intelligence

 

Richard Taylor, BS, CAMF
ATLANTA ANGER MANAGEMENT
5555 Glenridge Connector
Suite 200
Atlanta, GA 30342 USA
Cell: 678-576-1913

EI ASSESSMENTS  MHS EQ-i 2.0

Anger Violence Assessments

Business Anger Management

Anger Management Classes Atlanta

Call Richard Taylor 678-576-1913 for Emotional Intelligence Development and Training

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EXTREME ROAD RAGE CBS46 REPORT

Road Rage: Misunderstandings turn dangerous with weapons involved

Posted: Nov 04, 2015 2:18 PM EST Updated: Nov 04, 2015 6:06 PM EST

ATLANTA (CBS46) –

With drivers in Atlanta ranked as some of the most discourteous on the road, commutes can turn into disputes.

When weapons are involved, a misunderstanding on the roadway can turn dangerous, and in the Atlanta area’s traffic, we’ve seen it happen all too often.

“Do you want to go home tonight?”

Richard Taylor with Atlanta Anger Management is an expert on rage.

“Is it worth it to get engaged with a driver who you don’t know has a gun or not?” Taylor said. “Do you want to eat tonight? Do you want to go home tonight? That becomes the question.”

Taylor said as we’re driving around the seemingly never-ending cluster of cars Atlanta is famous for incidents that drivers don’t like happen every day.

Some of those drivers come to see Taylor in his office daily and he sees news reports of angry people on the roads.

“They snap,” he said. “They’re losing their conscious ability to be reasonable and they just focus on the one person… That’s the big debate we have in the nation is over access to guns.”

Taylor said stress and anger play major roles in the road rage situation, but if you add a weapon into the mix and it can become a criminal case.

Incidents all too common

A witness to a road rage in Coweta County said, from what she saw, a suspect who pointed a gun at a car used the weapon as a first instinct.

CBS46 News

“Pulling a firearm, in just about every case, should be an absolute last resort and it seems like it was this guy’s first resort” the witness said.

In another incident, a baby was shot in the foot in what police determined was a dispute on the road in DeKalb County.

In the case of the aforementioned Corvette driver, she reportedly gestured to the car behind her to go around, and the driver of the Mustang opened fire.

So what can you to avoid road rage situations? Professionals suggest NOT flashing your lights and avoiding any sort of reaction to other drivers, including hand gestures.

Getting out of your car should never be an option, experts say.

If you’re prone to getting angry, officials say it’s best not to carry your gun in the car.

Copyright 2015 WGCL-TV (Meredith Corporation). All rights reserved.

Atlanta Anger Management has risen to the leading Anger Management Provider for the Southeastern US

Atlanta Anger Management  has risen to the leading Anger Management Provider for the Southeastern US.

 

At Atlanta Anger Management, Director and Owner Richard Taylor has earned a reputation of offering quality services using the Anderson and Anderson™ Curriculum for Anger Management Classes, One on One Private Sessions, Business Intensives, and Couples Conflict Management Sessions and Workshops.

Richard is also a Certified MHS EQ-i 2.0 Emotional Intelligence Assessment Evaluation Provider For Executive Managerial Coaching by referral sources such as EAP and HR, Universities, Hospital Staff Referrals, Military, and Government Departments and Agencies.

EQi-2.0 Certified - Richard Taylor

EQi-2.0 Certified – Richard Taylor

Atlanta Anger Management  has risen to the leading provider position for Anger Management, Anger Management Violence Assessment Evaluations and Emotional Intelligence Coaching in the Southeast United States.

ATLANTA ANGER MANAGEMENT BEST IN INDUSTRY

ATLANTA ANGER MANAGEMENT

 

 

 

 

 

Their growth and success has been based on multi-factors:

  • Offers the most Anger Management Classes per week anywhere…
    –>Monday’s Noon
    –>Tuesday’s 6:30PM & 8:00PM
    –>Wednesdays 8:00PM
    –>Thursday’s 6:30PM to 8:30PM – 2 Classes
    –>Saturday’s 8 hours/8 Classes 8:55AM to 5:30PM
  • Reasonable Fair Pricing Worth The Drive
  • Private Sessions are extra effective both in cost and time investment.
  • Couple Conflict Sessions have been also extremely effective at reducing conflict and getting the couple back on track to more harmonious living.
  • Offer the optional use of Pre and Post Emotional Intelligence Assessments
  • Use updated data driven workbooks in our coaching model.

Successful coaching clients are routinely demonstrated by their progress by comparing Pre and Post Assessment scores as well as the noticeable changes in their attitudes and behaviors in their work environments, at home and in public.
Client feedback has been very positive and appreciative in expression to us.

Atlanta Anger Management Court Ordered Anger Management Programs are designed to positively reduce offender recidivism and increase public safety by attendees. This has been accomplished.

The greatest source of new clients are from past client referrals and satisfied EAP, and HR departments witnessing the results in their employees.  Also Court and Probation Referrals.

Richard’s business ethics, compassion, motivational interviewing, competent insights, experience, flexibility, massive offerings with passion and enthusiasm translates into a one of a kind product of services that is unique to Director Richard Taylor. In essence with these supporting factors he has become the product.

His demonstrated competency in a niche market of Anger Management and Emotional Intelligence Development is second to none.

Director Richard Taylor

Director Richard Taylor

Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator
Diplomate American Association Anger Management Providers

Atlanta Anger Management
5555 Glenridge Connector
Suite 200 (2nd Floor)
Atlanta, Georgia 30342 USA

Office Phone: 678-576-1913
Fax: 1-866-551-1253
Web: www.atlantaangermanagement.com
E-mail: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com

Linked in:http://www.linkedin.com/in/richardtayloraam

#1 Certified Anderson and Anderson™ Anger Management Provider
The Best Of The Best In Anger Management & Emotional Intelligence

The Standard American Diet (SAD)

The Standard American Diet (SAD)

The SAD diet contains foods that are directly related to many degenerative diseases.  Even children at earlier and earlier ages are being diagnosed with diseases that not that long ago were considered “old age” diseases, such as cancer, heart disease, arthritis, diabetes. The facts are in that meat (including chicken and fish), dairy, and eggs can be linked directly or indirectly to about 90% of all physical problems and deaths in America today!!! You won’t hear this on the network news folks!


Eliminate the 5 white foods from your diet:

Meat
Dairy
White sugar (refined)
White flour (refined)
Salt (refined)

Some statistics that will amaze you and break your heart.
1. 50% of all Americans die from heart attacks and strokes (heart disease)
2. 33 % of all Americans die from cancer (1 in 3).
3. 8% of all Americans die from diabetes.
4. Every 25 seconds someone in America suffers a heart attack.
5. Every 45 seconds someone in America dies from a heart attack.
6. Most common cause of death in America: heart attack.
7. Risk of having a heart attack by average American: 50%.
Risk of having a heart attack by average American vegetarian: less than 4%.
8. Amount you reduce your risk of heart attack by eliminating meat, dairy and eggs from your diet: over 90%.
9. Increased risk of breast cancer for women who eat meat compared to non-meat eaters: over 4 times.
10. Increased risk of fatal prostate cancer for men who consume animal products compared to vegetarians: 3.6 times higher.
11. Increased risk of fatal ovarian cancer for women who consume animal products, compared to vegetarians: 3 times higher.

 

Some of the diseases commonly prevented, consistently improved and often cured by a low-fat, vegetarian diet include:

  • Heart disease
  • Stroke
  • Breast cancer
  • Kidney stones
  • Prostrate cancer
  • Diabetes
  • Peptic ulcers
  • Hemorrhoids
  • Obesity
  • Salmonellosis, 
  •  Pancreatic cancer
  • Stomach cancer
  • Hiatus hernias
  • Gallstones
  • Arthritis
  • Trichinosis
  • Osteoporosis
  • Colon cancer
  • Ovarian cancer
  • Endometrial cancer
  • Constipation
  • Diverticulosis
  • Irritable colon
  • Gout

Note: Many of the statistics you will find on our site are readily available to the public.  A simple web search on the subject will provide you with more information than you have time to read!  For more information on some of our resources visit our Resources page.

SOURCE: http://www.fundamentalsofhealth.com/sad1.htm

_________________________________________________

HELPING WAKING UP BETTER NUTRITION.

CONTACT:

Richard TaylorDirector Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator
Diplomate American Association Anger Management Providers

Atlanta Anger Management
5555 Glenridge Connector
Suite 200 (2nd Floor)
Atlanta, Georgia 30342 USA

Office Phone: 678-576-1913
Fax: 1-866-551-1253
Web: www.atlantaangermanagement.com
E-mail: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com

Linked in:http://www.linkedin.com/in/richardtayloraam

#1 Certified Anderson and Anderson™ Anger Management Provider
The Best Of The Best In Anger Management & Emotional Intelligence

Lifestyle Factors Can Cut Heart Failure Risk After 65 By 1/2

Lifestyle Factors Can Cut Heart Failure Risk
After 65 By 1/2

By Kathryn Doyle

(Reuters Health) – Older people who walk briskly, are moderately active in their free time, drink moderately, don’t smoke and avoid obesity may be half as likely to develop heart failure as people who don’t engage in these healthy habits, a new study suggests.

Based on the findings, optimizing a few healthy lifestyle factors can cut heart failure risk in half, according to lead author Liana Del Gobbo, a research fellow at Tufts University in Boston, Massachusetts.

“A key finding is that physical activity among older adults does not have to be strenuous to reduce heart failure risk,” Del Gobbo told Reuters Health by email.

“We saw benefits for adults who walked at moderate or brisk pace (more than 2 or 3 miles per hour) and burned calories through leisure activity, like house or yard work, walking, engaging in outdoor activities, or other forms of physical activity, equivalent to about 30 minutes per day of moderate-intensity activity,” she said.

According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, more than five million people in the U.S. have heart failure, in which the heart fails to pump enough blood and oxygen to support the rest of the body. Heart failure can be treated with medication, a reduced-sodium diet and increased physical activity, but about half of those diagnosed with heart failure die within five years.

For the new study, researchers followed 4,490 men and women age 65 and older without initial signs of heart failure. The average age at the start of the study was 72.

For up to 21 years, with annual physical exams and questionnaires, the researchers collected data on study subjects’ diet, walking pace and distance, leisure activity, exercise intensity, alcohol use, smoking status, weight and waist circumference.

During the study, 1,380 people developed heart failure.

Walking “briskly,” or at least two miles per hour, taking part in calorie-burning leisure activities, modest alcohol intake of no more than one or two drinks per day, avoiding smoking and maintaining a healthy weight were all tied to lower heart failure risk.

Those who optimized at least four of these factors were half as likely to develop heart failure as those who only optimized zero or one of the factors, as reported in JACC: Heart Failure.

“At a population level, we especially need to work on encouraging adults to engage in physical activity,” she said.

The researchers accounted for other factors, like socioeconomic status, that could affect heart failure risk.

Surprisingly, specific dietary pattern was not tied to heart failure risk, and exercise intensity was less important than walking pace and leisure activity.

Researchers did see an increased risk of heart failure with higher salt intake, which “makes sense,” Del Gobbo said, because too much salt increases a person’s risk for high blood pressure, which is a key risk factor for heart failure.

Many “healthy lifestyle messages” about lowering heart attack risk also apply to heart failure, said Dr. David J. Maron, director of Preventive Cardiology at Stanford University School of Medicine in California, who coauthored a commentary on the new findings.

“We spend a tremendous amount of money in this country on heart failure-related events,” Maron told Reuters Health by phone. “Living a good life can help prevent a very expensive illness.”

“The amazing thing from this study is if you do these four behaviors that you can reduce your risk of heart failure by 50 percent,” he said. “It’s just an association, and doesn’t prove cause and effect,” but is still a powerful finding, he said.

SOURCE: http://bit.ly/1NM4h1I JACC: Heart Failure, online July 6, 2015.

RECAP: Formula to Live Longer
1. Walk at moderate or brisk pace (more than 2 or 3 miles per hour) for 30 minute
2. Drink moderately
3. Don’t smoke
4. Avoid obesity
5. Lower salt intake

 

Let look at avoid Obesity. That can be a tough one.
SAD diet = Standard American Diet. = Heart Attacks and Strokes.

Change to Lifestyle Of:

  1. No fried foods. Bad Oils.
  2. Oils to use sparingly. Avocado Oil for cooking. Uncooked: Extra Virgin Olive Oil. Organic Extra Virgin Coconut Oil & Flora Udo 3-6-9 Blend for smoothies. No other oils.
  3. Cut salt and sugar out completely. Use salt free seasonings. Easy.
  4. No red meat, settle for non-hormone Chicken only
  5. Fish – Only wild caught Sockeye Salmon, Freshwater Trout, Cod, Tuna, (See Video below)
  6. Spend 80% in Produce Department. Food on Plate Plan.
  7. Drink ½ your body weight in water unless medical advisor instructs differently.
  8. Read Labels. Stop eating/drinking any item with words you cannot pronounce. (Processed Foods, Chemicals, Fructose Corn Syrup, Trans Fats, More).
  9. No diet drinks. Usually contains artificial sweeteners that raise your blood sugar and leads to fat tire waist, bloating and Diabetes Type II. No energy/”healthy” drinks.
  10. No sports bars, diet bars, ice cream, no milk, less cheese (no cheese best)
  11. No white starches = no bread, white rice, pasta, treats
  12. Use Smoothies for 1-2 meals. Must: Vega brand Protein powder, Fiber (NOW Physillium Husk) and Essential Oils (Organic Extra Virgin Coconut Oil & Flora Udo 3-6-9 Blend) with low sugar fruit such as berries. Filtered water. See blogs for recipes. Keep carb count to 15-20 if possible and sugar count low (10). Add small handful spinach.
  13. People who reduce their intake of food live longer. Eat less than you do now.
  14. People who fast 2 days out of 7 lower their cholesterol significantly. Drink water on fast days with one 600 calories salad, no meat. Less salad dressing. or 3/5/12 Plan.
  15. Stop drinking alcohol. Too many carbs and calories. Reserve for special occasions. Limit to 2.
  16. Waist Size: Take your height and divide by two. Be equal or less than that. i.e. 5 Ft. 6 In. height = 66 inches/2 = 33” waist or less.
  17. Lifestyle: Laugh a lot. Focus on positives. Reduce stress. Stop arguing. Practice Emotion control.
  18. Lose weight by expending more calories then you consume.
  19. Visualize yourself at your reduced weight or look at “old” photos at ideal weight.
  20. Adopt this as a way of life. Eat to live.
  21. When you go for treat day, immediately resume healthier lifestyle.

Disclaimer: Seek your health care provider before changing exercise and/or diet. This information supplied as Public Service Announcement and for people in good health. Richard Taylor is not a nutritionist. Above comes from research and practical coaching to him from his team of consultants.

CONTACT:

Richard TaylorDirector Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator
Diplomate American Association Anger Management Providers

Atlanta Anger Management
5555 Glenridge Connector
Suite 200 (2nd Floor)
Atlanta, Georgia 30342 USA

Office Phone: 678-576-1913
Fax: 1-866-551-1253
Web: http://www.atlantaangermanagement.com
E-mail: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com

Linked in: http://www.linkedin.com/in/richardtayloraam

#1 Certified Anderson and Anderson™ Anger Management Provider
The Best Of The Best In Anger Management & Emotional Intelligence

Equanimity

Equanimity

Equanimity refers to a state of being calm and balanced, especially in the midst of difficulty.

In Buddhism, equanimity (in Pali, upekkha; in Sanskrit, upeksha) is one of the Four Immeasurables or four great virtues that the Buddha taught his disciples to cultivate.

  • compassion

  • loving kindness

  • sympathetic joy

  • equanimity

 

But is being calm and balanced all there is to equanimity?

And how does one develop equanimity?

Laughing Raven of Pixabay. Used With Permission.

Laughing Raven of Pixabay. Used With Permission.

Thich Nhat Hanh says (in The Heart of the Buddha’s Teaching, p. 161) that the Sanskrit word upekshameans “equanimity, nonattachment, nondiscrimination, even-mindedness, or letting go. Upa means ‘over,’ and iksh means ‘to look.’ You climb the mountain to be able to look over the whole situation, not bound by one side or the other.”

Standing in the Middle

Another Pali word that is translated into English as “equanimity” is tatramajjhattata, which means “to stand in the middle.” Gil Fronsdal says this “standing in the middle” refers to a balance that comes from inner stability; remaining centered when surrounded by turmoil.

We are constantly being pulled in one direction or another by things or conditions we either want or hope to avoid. These include praise and blame, pleasure and pain, success and failure, gain and loss. The wise person, accepts all without approval or disapproval.¹ – The Buddha

 

Cultivating Equanimity 

In her book Comfortable with Uncertainty, Tibetan Kagyu teacher Pema Chodron said, “To cultivate equanimity we practice catching ourselves when we feel attraction or aversion, before it hardens into grasping or negativity.”

This, of course, connects to mindfulness. The Buddha taught that there are four frames of reference in mindfulness:

1. Mindfulness of body (kayasati).
2. Mindfulness of feelings or sensations (vedanasati).
3. Mindfulness of mind or mental processes (cittasati).
4. Mindfulness of mental objects or qualities (dhammasati).

Here we have a really good example of working with mindfulness of feelings and mental processes. People who are not-mindful are perpetually being jerked around by their emotions and biases. But with mindfulness, you recognize and acknowledge feelings without letting them control you.
 
Pema Chodron says that when feelings of attraction or aversion arise, we can “use our biases as stepping-stones for connecting with the confusion of others.” When we become intimate with and accepting of own feelings, we see more clearly how everyone gets hooked by their hopes and fears. From this, “a bigger perspective can emerge.”
 
Thich Nhat Hanh says that Buddhist equanimity includes the ability to see everyone as equal. “We shed all discrimination and prejudice, and remove all boundaries between ourselves and others,” he writes. “In a conflict, even though we are deeply concerned, we remain impartial, able to love and to understand both sides. [The Heart of the Buddha’s Teaching, p. 162].” I confess, that last one is really difficult for me, but that’s what we are called to do.
 
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REFERENCES
¹ The Buddha
SOURCE: http://buddhism.about.com/od/theeightfoldpath/a/right-mindfulness.htm
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(Richard Taylor Suggestion)

THE PRACTICE:
Catch yourself feeling a “HIT” or ACTIVATION”.

Notice it.

Talk to yourself called Self-Talk.

Say: ” Remain Calm. Breathe.”

Listen with empathy (Empathetic Listening) trying to hear the other person’s points. Try to understand the underlying feelings that are driving the words spoken. Is it fear, frustration, misdirected pent up stress? What is it?

Remain silent. Try to remain neutral. Try for either being Neutral or Nice. Refrain from Nasty.

These are the 3 N’s. = Nasty/Neutral/Nice.

If flooded with feelings and you feel like yelling or being nasty…say “I am taking a 10/20/30 minute break and will discuss this when we are both calm. Please allow me to take this break without chasing me. How about you calm down too. ”

Discuss things when you are calm.

Choose to cooperate and then compromise or harmonize.
 
REFLECT/EVALUATE:

How did I do? What could I do better next time?

Form a plan for next time. Say “Next Time I will_________________”

______________________________________________________________

For Personal Help With Conflict:

CONTACT

Richard TaylorDirector Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator
Diplomate American Association Anger Management Providers

Atlanta Anger Management
5555 Glenridge Connector
Suite 200 (2nd Floor)
Atlanta, Georgia 30342 USA

Office Phone: 678-576-1913
Fax: 1-866-551-1253
Web: www.atlantaangermanagement.com
E-mail: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com

Linked in: http://www.linkedin.com/in/richardtayloraam

Atlanta’s #1 Oldest Certified Anderson and Anderson™ Anger Management Provider
The Best Of The Best In Anger Management & Emotional Intelligence

 

Stop Drinking Diet Soda Benefits

SODA:

This week a few clients came in drinking sodas that seems to be a bit unusual these days.

With that observation I googled a bit and saw this. I use to drink 6-8 diet sodas a day
and after developing Type 2 Diabetes I quit. Now just water and coffee. And more water.

No sweeteners. Period.

With the things I did to address my health issues I no longer have Type 2 Diabetes. Getting fatter? Nothing seems to be working on the diet?

One thing to try….

8 Things That Happen When You Finally Stop Drinking Diet Soda

Prevention June 13, 2015

PDPics / Pixabay Used With Permission.

Every think, “Why should I give up soda?”  You’ve decided to give up diet soda—good idea! Maybe you weren’t hitting your weight-loss goals or couldn’t stomach that long list of ingredients anymore. Or perhaps you heard one too many times that it’s just not good for you.

Whatever the reason, eliminating diet soda from your diet will improve your health from head to toe. Research on diet soda is still in its infancy, but there’s enough out there to identify what you can look forward to when you put down the can and cool down with an unsweetened iced tea instead.

 

 

  1. Migraines disappear and focus sharpens.
    It turns out the headaches you expected from a diet soda withdrawal didn’t materialize. And now that you’ve quit the stuff, you probably find yourself thinking clearly for the first time in a while. That’s because the chemicals that make up the artificial sweetener aspartame may have altered brain chemicals, nerve signals, and the brain’s reward system, which leads to headaches, anxiety, and insomnia, according to a review in the European Journal of Clinical Nutrition. And a 2013 animal study found that rats that drank diet soda had damaged cells and nerve endings in the cerebellum—the part of the brain responsible for motor skills. (If you’re still drinking diet soda, take a look at what’s happening in your body right now.)
  2. Taste buds are more sensitive.
    It’s not your imagination: Without your usual diet soda chaser, you may find that food has more flavor. It has subtlety. It’s more enjoyable. That’s because the artificial sweeteners in your diet soda overwhelmed your taste buds with an onslaught of sweetness. Aspartame ranks 200 hundreds times sweeter than table sugar. Splenda? 600 times. In fact, brain scans show that diet soda alters sweet receptors in the brain and prolongs sugar cravings rather than satisfies them. “We often see patients change snack choices when they give up diet soda,” says Heather Bainbridge, RD, from Columbia University Medical Center Weight Control Center. “Rather than needing sugary treats or something really salty like pretzels and chips, they reach for an apple and a piece of cheese. And, when they try diet soda again, they find it intolerably sweet.”
    (Ready to eliminate harmful sugar from your diet for good—and lose weight for life? Check out the Sugar Smart Express!)
  3. The scale finally goes the right way.
    While you may have started drinking diet soda to facilitate weight loss, quitting it may actually do the trick. A recent 9-year study found older adults who drank diet soda continued to pack on belly fat. The study piggybacks on research that found each daily diet soda increases your chance of becoming obese in the next decade by 65%, and a study published in Diabetes Care that found drinking diet soft drinks daily was associated with an increase in metabolic syndrome—obesity, high blood-pressure, high triglycerides—which leads to heart disease and diabetes.
  4. Bones strengthen.
    Putting down the soda may be the best way to improve your bone strength and reduce your risk of fractures. One 2014 study found that each daily soda increased the chance of hip fracture by 14% for postmenopausal women. And another found that older women who drank cola had lower bone mineral density in their hips. The jury is still out on why soda has this effect, but the science pretty clearly suggests that a soda habit weakens your bones. (Diet soda’s not the only sugar-free food making you miserable—check out6 gross things that happen when you chew gum.)
  5. Your attitude towards food changes.
    Since diet sodas have no calories, people drinking them often feel it’s okay to indulge elsewhere, finds Bainbridge. Often she sees her diet soda-drinking patients make poor food choices, like a burger and fries, a piece of cake, or potato chips, because they think they can afford those extra calories. Plus, soda often accompanies unhealthy foods. “Sometimes those poor choices are built up habits,” she says. “You’re conditioned to have soda with chips, fries, or something sweet. When you eliminate the soft drink, you also break the junk food habit.”
  6. You handle booze better
    It’s a fact: Diet soda gets you drunk faster. When you mix it with alcohol, your stomach empties out faster than if you used regular soda, causing a drastic increase in blood alcohol concentrations, according to an Australian study in theAmerican Journal of Medicine. And when you add caffeine, look out. Another study in the journal Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Researchfound that bar patrons who mixed drinks with diet colas were intoxicated much more easily and frequently. Your best bet for a mixer? Club soda, which is naturally sugar- and calorie-free. (Try these slimming Sassy Water recipesto stay hydrated and make your taste buds happy.)
  7. Fat storage and diabetes risk decreases.
    Our hormones may explain the great paradox of why people gain weight when they switch to diet soda. A study in Diabetes Carefound that drinking two-thirds of a diet soda before eating primed the pancreas to release a lot of the fat-storing hormone insulin. When the pancreas is overworked from creating insulin to control blood-sugar levels, diabetes rears its ugly head. And a recent study in Japan found that middle-aged men who drank 1 or more diet sodas daily were much more likely to develop type 2 diabetes over a 7-year period.
  8. Kidney function improves.
    Now that your body no longer has to make sense of the unpronounceable ingredients in diet soda, your kidneys can get back to clearing toxins, stabilizing blood pressure, and absorbing minerals. One study looked at 11 years of data and found that women who drank 2 or more servings of diet soda doubled their chances of declining kidney function.

By Jordan Davidson

This article ‘8 Things That Happen When You Finally Stop Drinking Diet Soda’ originally ran on Prevention.com

Source: https://www.yahoo.com/health/8-things-that-happen-when-you-finally-stop-121294998608.html

ASPARTAME is in most diet drinks and foods…check your food labels…

Suggested : Stevia in limited use. Best stop using altogether.

Information loaded video by trusted source: Dr Mercola.

Soft drinks: try Zevia does not elevate blood sugar levels. Water best.

DISCLAIMER: posted by Richard Taylor as a public service announcement. I am not a nutritionist or doctor. Do your own internet research and find the “truth” for yourself. Consult your physician in regards to health. Many use Holistic Integrated Medicine MD, now that combines EAST & WEST MEDICINE principles and practices.

THE BEST WORKOUTS TO RELIEVE STRESS

THE BEST WORKOUTS TO RELIEVE STRESS

You can reduce stress and make that stress reduction last longer if you tailor your workout specifically to your personality type according to Men’s Health Magazine Article.

THE AESTHETE:  You thrive on the artistry of sports and exercise.

 

THE THRILL-SEEKER:  You work out for the rush.

THE SOCIAL ACTIVIST:  You like the camaraderie of exercising with others.

THE DEATHOPHOBE: You exercise to stay healthy, but wish there were an easier way.

THE FANATIC: You like feeling committed to your exercise routine.

THE ENERGIZED ANIMAL: You hit the gym to release energy.

Men’s Health Article

STRESS EDUCATION WITH RICHARD TAYLOR

Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator
Diplomate American Association Anger Management Providers

Atlanta Anger Management 
5555 Glenridge Connector
Suite 200 (2nd Floor)
Atlanta, Georgia 30342 USA

Office Phone: 678-576-1913
Fax: 1-866-551-1253
Web: www.atlantaangermanagement.com
E-mail: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com

Linked in:http://www.linkedin.com/in/richardtayloraam

#1 Certified Anderson and Anderson™ Anger Management Provider
The Best Of The Best In Anger Management & Emotional Intelligence