Keep the Conflict Small!

Keep the Conflict Small! (With Managed Emotions)

By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.

© 2015 by Bill Eddy

Whether you’re having an argument with a family member, friend or co-worker, it’s easy nowadays to make little conflicts way too big. All around us are repeated images of people arguing and losing control of their emotions – in emails, on the Internet, in movies and on TV – especially in the news (do you know what so-and-so said about you-know-who?) Not only is this unnecessary, but allowing conflicts to get large can be harmful to important relationships, increase the anxiety of those around us (especially children) and lower one’s status in other people’s eyes.

For example, in a recent article in Parade Magazine about the steps to becoming a successful entrepreneur, the author-expert Linda Rottenberg wrote: “The most important step is to manage your emotions.” (“An Entrepreneur Should Never Be a Daredevil,” November 2, 2014) In a recently-reported study about children’s brain development, child psychiatrist and researcher Jeffrey Rowe said the first five years of life are critically important to forming proper brain connections. “If you can’t control yourself, can’t control your emotions, you can’t pay attention to the outside world.” (B.J. Fikes, “Money, brain size linked,” U-T San Diego, March 31, 2015)

This article has some suggestions for keeping conflicts small by managing our emotions. Managed emotions are a big part of our skills-training methods, New Ways for Families and New Ways for Work, and may be more important in today’s world than ever before.
Try to Avoid This

A Family Feud: An argument in a couple: “You always leave your socks on the floor.” (That’s a little conflict.) “You’re such a slob.” (Now it’s a judgment about the whole person.) “You men, you’re all alike – irresponsible and self-centered!” (Now it’s about a whole gender.) If another family member came into this argument at this point, he or she would probably take gender sides and the conflict could easily get much bigger.

A Workplace Conflict: Some people clean up after themselves in the lunchroom and others don’t. Joe is a cleaner-upper. ”Look at this banana peel and sandwich bag, just left behind.” (A problem to solve.) “Why do I always have to clean up for everyone else!” (Now it’s about being a victim of everyone.) “Maybe I should go someplace to work where I’m appreciated!” (Now it’s about quitting – ending the relationship.)

A Divorce Dispute: Parents have to discuss a change of schedule: “I’ve got an opportunity for this coming Wednesday night – can we switch so I see the kids Tuesday or Thursday?” (A common problem to solve.) “I’ve told you a hundred times, I’m sticking to our Agreement, with no exceptions. 100%. The kids need absolute stability.” (Now we’re slipping into all-or-nothing thinking. Doubtful that it’s been a hundred times. However, rare cases do require no changes, because of extreme manipulation or violence in the past.) “In fact, I’m going to take you back to court to reduce your time with the kids, you f—ing jerk! You’re the worst father/mother in the world.” (Oops. Guess the children’s stability isn’t the issue after all.)
Try This Instead

In all of the above examples, the speaker quickly went from a simple problem to solve into all-or-nothing thinking and intense emotions. We refer to these emotions as unmanaged emotions, because they don’t get the person what the person really wants: respect, peace and quiet, a happy relationship, or whatever they were looking for. Now they have a bigger problem to solve and probably feel helpless or victimized, and distracted. Remember what the brain researcher said above: You can’t pay attention to the outside world when you’re busy reacting. So how can you manage your emotions in situations like this?

1. Regularly remind yourself to keep the conflict small. Ask yourself:

“Is this really a big deal?”

“Can this problem be solved by making a proposal?”

“What is the smallest issue here? Let’s start by solving that.”

“What are my choices here? I always have choices.”

2. Regularly give yourself encouraging statements. This will help you feel less defensive and less likely to over-react to other people’s behavior or emotions:

“It’s not about me!”

“I’m doing fine! I don’t have to prove anything here.”

“I can take a break!”

“I can handle this. No reason to lose control.”
Emotions Are Contagious

This all might seem very easy to do while you’re reading this. But actually it’s harder to do when other people aren’t managing their emotions, because emotions are contagious. There seems to be at least two reasons for this impact on our brains.

Amygdala responses: We have two amygdalae in our brains; one in the middle of each hemisphere. The right amygdala quickly reacts to other people’s facial expressions of fear and anger, and instantly starts a fight, flight or freeze response. Apparently the left amygdala responds more to threats in writing. You can see the protective response happening when someone else over-reacts – it’s usually sudden and extreme, and sometimes shocking in an office or in a meeting. But our prefrontal cortex (right behind your forehead) can over-ride the amygdala and say: Relax, it’s not a crisis. And the amygdala quiets down. This comes with practice – lots of practice telling yourself what’s not a crisis. This is a lot of what adolescence is about: figuring out what are real dangers that need fast all-or-nothing action and what are just problems to solve rationally.

Mirror neurons: Apparently we have neurons in our brains that fire when we do something AND when we just watch someone else doing something. Is seems that it’s a short-cut to learning – our brains are constantly getting us ready to do what others are doing. It may be a part of our group survival skills that we’re born with. Better to quickly run or fight or hide when others are doing so, rather than risk getting isolated and not surviving. But these responses can also be over-ridden – once you know about this. (So now you know about this.) But it also takes practice.

With this knowledge, you can be more specific with yourself when reminding yourself to keep the conflict small:

“I don’t have to mirror other people’s emotions.”

“I’m just having an amygdala response. But it’s not a crisis, so I can relax.”

“I have a choice: to react or focus on problem-solving. This is just a problem to solve.”
Get Support and Consultation

Another way to keep the conflict small is to talk to other people and get encouragement for yourself. This way you’ll feel less defensive and less anxious. Also, get their consultation suggestions for how to deal with a conflict and help keep it small. Ask: “Do you think this is a crisis? What do you see as my choices? What do you suggest?” Just talking to someone else can make a big difference.

You also may be facing a new problem you’ve never faced before. Don’t feel like you have to deal with it alone and don’t feel ashamed of yourself for being in your situation. Today, the types of problems most of us face have come up for thousands or millions of other people. Family issues, workplace conflicts, divorce disputes are extremely common. Yet it’s easy to see these problems as huge and overwhelming, and become isolated and feel helpless. Remind yourself: “It’s just a problem to solve. I can get consultation and suggestions from someone else. I don’t have to deal with this alone.”

Tune Out Extreme Media

Much of today’s media repeatedly shows dramatic images of people losing control over ordinary problems: from sitcoms to movies to the evening news. They compete to grab your attention with more and more extreme behavior, to get viewers and “market share” in the highly competitive world of modern media. But remember mirror neurons. We are absorbing this extreme loss-of-control behavior we observe, even when we aren’t thinking about it. Use your prefrontal cortex and remind yourself: These aren’t crises; they’re entertainment designed to grab my amygdala and mirror neurons. I can tune this out. It’s up to me what I think and feel.

Conclusion

Modern life has made us more aware of problems around the world, and exposes us constantly to other people’s over-reactions to problems. However, we can keep the conflict small, by what we tell ourselves and by understanding that we have control over our emotions to a great extent – especially if we practice encouraging statements and getting support. We’re not alone with these problems – at home or at work. We can handle them and get help when we need it. We can “Keep the conflict small!”

Bill Eddy is a mediator, lawyer, therapist and the President of the High Conflict Institute based in San Diego. High Conflict Institute provides consultation for high-conflict situations, coaching for BIFF Responses (written responses that are Brief, Informative, Friendly and Firm), and training for professionals in managing high conflict disputes in legal, workplace, healthcare and educational settings. He is also co-author with L. Georgi DiStefano, LCSW, of the Axiom Award-Winning new book: It’s All Your Fault at Work! Managing Narcissists and Other High-Conflict People. For books, videos for anyone, free articles or to schedule a training: www.HighConflictInstitute.com.
________________________________________
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Good To Know – ATL Airport Dominates

Clients have flown into Atlanta, GA to work with Richard Taylor of Atlanta Anger Management for issues of emotional control, couples conflict management,  job performance enhancement, and sports anger management.

Cheap flights from Atlanta, GA¹
  • Atlanta, GA is the gateway for cheap flights to domestic and international destinations and it currently has non-stop flights to 235 cities.
  • Atlanta, GA travelers take frequent flights to the following cities of Las Vegas, Nevada, Honolulu, Hawaii and New York City, New York.
  • In 2014 London, United Kingdom was the favorite European destination for travelers flying from Atlanta, GA and was followed by other cities like Rome, Italy, Paris, France and Frankfurt, Germany.
  • San Juan, Puerto Rico and other favorite sunny locations like Montego Bay, Jamaica, St. Thomas are also places visited by Atlanta, GA travelers.
  • The Top Asia destinations like Mumbai (Bombay), India, Manila, Philippines and New Delhi, India are also some favorite places for Atlanta, GA travelers.

Hartsfield-Jackson has a direct economic impact of more than about $32.5 billion for the metro Atlanta area economy.²

Photo Gallery

2015 statistics³

Airports Council International‘s year-to-date figures as of March 2015 are as follows:[1]

Rank Airport Location Country Code
(IATA/ICAO)
Total
passengers
Rank
Change
%
Change
1. United StatesHartsfield–Jackson Atlanta International Airport Atlanta, Georgia United States ATL/KATL 22,746,009 Steady Increase5.1%
2. ChinaBeijing Capital International Airport ChaoyangShunyi, Beijing China PEK/ZBAA 21,663,240 Steady Increase5.5%
3. United Arab EmiratesDubai International Airport Garhoud, Dubai United Arab Emirates DXB/OMDB 19,606,327 Increase3 Increase6.8%
4. JapanTokyo Haneda Airport Ōta, Tokyo Japan HND/RJTT 18,053,930 Steady Increase8.4%
5. United StatesLos Angeles International Airport Los Angeles, California United States LAX/KLAX 16,416,281 Steady Increase2.8%
6. United KingdomLondon Heathrow Airport Hillingdon, London United Kingdom LHR/EGLL 16,364,246 Decrease3 Increase2.0%
7. ChinaHong Kong International Airport Chek Lap Kok, Hong Kong China HKG/VHHH 16,328,000 Increase3 Increase9.0%
8. United StatesO’Hare International Airport Chicago, Illinois United States ORD/KORD 16,258,025 Decrease1 Increase9.8%
9. United StatesDallas/Fort Worth International Airport DallasFort Worth, Texas United States DFW/KDFW 14,487,751 Steady Decrease1.2%
10. ThailandSuvarnabhumi Airport Bang Phli, Samut Prakan Thailand BKK/VTBS 14,139,314 Increase12 Increase14.8%
11. ChinaShanghai Pudong International Airport Pudong, Shanghai China PVG/ZSPD 14,136,814 Increase8 Increase17.7%
12. FranceParis-Charles de Gaulle Airport Roissy-en-France, Île-de-France France CDG/LFPG 14,113,587 Decrease4 Increase2.2%
13. ChinaGuangzhou Baiyun International Airport BaiyunHuadu, Guangzhou, Guangdong China CAN/ZGGG 14,094,902 Increase2 Increase3.7%
14. SingaporeSingapore Changi Airport Changi Singapore SIN/WSSS 13,076,000 Increase2 Decrease0.9%
15. TurkeyIstanbul Atatürk Airport Istanbul Turkey IST/LTBA 12,944,832 Decrease2 Increase4.4%
16. South KoreaSeoul Incheon International Airport Incheon Republic of Korea ICN/RKSI 12,539,595 Increase7 Increase15.6%
17. GermanyFrankfurt Airport Frankfurt, Hesse Germany FRA/EDDF 12,508,282 Decrease6 Increase2.8%
18. IndonesiaSoekarno-Hatta International Airport Cengkareng, Banten Indonesia CGK/WIII 12,314,667 Decrease6 Decrease9.5%
19. United StatesDenver International Airport Denver, Colorado United States DEN/KDEN 12,213,404 Decrease1 Decrease1.4%
20. MalaysiaKuala Lumpur International Airport Sepang, Selangor Malaysia KUL/WMKK 11,972,635 Steady Decrease2.9%
21. United StatesJohn F. Kennedy International Airport Queens, New York City, New York United States JFK/KJFK 11,924,793 Decrease4 Increase7.4%
22. NetherlandsAmsterdam Airport Schiphol Haarlemmermeer, North Holland The Netherlands AMS/EHAM 11,530,950 Decrease8 Increase3.5%
23. United StatesPhoenix Sky Harbor International Airport Phoenix, Arizona United States PHX/KPHX 11,015,495 Increase3 Increase4.5%
24. United StatesMiami International Airport Miami-Dade County, Florida United States MIA/KMIA 10,978,401 Increase5 Increase4.6%
25. United StatesSan Francisco International Airport San Mateo County, California United States SFO/KSFO 10,799,749 Decrease4 Increase5.1%
26. IndiaIndira Gandhi International Airport Delhi India DEL/VIDP 10,686,816 Increase5 Increase13.0%
27. United StatesCharlotte Douglas International Airport Charlotte, North Carolina United States CLT/KCLT 10,344,920 Decrease3 Increase0.1%
28. United StatesMcCarran International Airport Las Vegas, Nevada United States LAS/KLAS 10,307,039 Decrease3 Increase1.7%
29. ChinaChengdu Shuangliu International Airport Shuangliu, Chengdu, Sichuan China CTU/ZUUU 10,184,839 Increase9 Increase13.3%
30. BrazilSão Paulo-Guarulhos International Airport Guarulhos, São Paulo Brazil GRU/SBGR 9,961,379 Steady Increase1.9%

Hotels

ATLANTA’S HARTSFIELD JACKSON INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT

  • Since 1998, Hartsfield-Jackson has been the busiest passenger airport in the world.
  • Atlanta has the tallest air traffic control tower in North America (398 feet or 121 meters) and is the third tallest in the world.
  • Atlanta is within a two hour flight of 80% of the United States population.
  • Hartsfield-Jackson averages almost 250,000 passengers a day.
  • On average, there are over 1,300 daily domestic departures.
  • There are over 150 U.S. destinations with non-stop service from Atlanta.
  • The airport offers direct flights to 95 cities in 57 countries.
  • On average there are over 2,700 arrivals and departures daily, making Hartsfield-Jackson the busiest airport in the world for total movements.
  • Hartsfield-Jackson has 143,000 domestic seats available daily and 132,000 international seats available weekly.
  • The average price of a one-way domestic airline ticket is $172.

Mainline Airlines

Air Canada Continental Airlines Midwest Airlines
Air Canada Jazz Delta Airlines Northwest Airlines
Air France Frontier Airlines Spirit Airlines
AirTran Airways KLM Royal Dutch Airlines United Airlines
American Airlines Korean Air US Airways
Lufthansa German Airlines


Regional Airlines

American Connection / Chautauqua Airlines Delta Connection / SkyWest Airlines
American Connection / American Eagle United Express / Shuttle America
Delta Connection / Atlantic Southeast Airlines US Airways Express / Air Wisconsin
Delta Connection / Comair US Airway Express / Mesa Airlines
Delta Connection / Pinnacle Airlines US Airway Express / PSA
Delta Connection / Shuttle America US Airways Express / Republic Airlines


Charter Airlines

Omni Air Intternational Ryan International World Airways

 

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¹ http://www.tripadvisor.com/Flights-o60898-From_Atlanta-Cheap_Discount_Airfares.html

² http://www.atlanta-airport.com/Airport/ATL/ATL_FactSheet.aspx

³ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_the_world’s_busiest_airports_by_passenger_traffic#2015_statistics

CONTACT

Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator
Diplomate American Association Anger Management Providers

Atlanta Anger Management
Atlanta, Georgia USA

Office Phone: 678-576-1913
Fax: 1-866-551-1253
Web: www.atlantaangermanagement.com
E-mail: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com

Linked in: http://www.linkedin.com/in/richardtayloraam

#1 Certified Anderson and Anderson™ Anger Management Provider
The Best Of The Best In Anger Management & Emotional Intelligence

Couple Talk – Importance of Kindness and Fondness,  ‘Turning Towards’ 

∇ Have you become argumentive lately?

∇ Seem to only see the negative in your partner?

∇ Seem to have bad “moods” a lot lately?

∇ Not as happy as the early days in the relationship?

∇ Wonder when things are going to change?

∇ Feel stuck in your relationship?

∇ Feel not as upbeat as usual?

∇ Tired of fighting?

∇ Ponder getting back at your partner?

∇ Think: Hurt ME, and you will hurt MORE!

Well join the club!  53 % Divorce Rate In USA

Wikipedia Divorce Rates Worldwide

Need a fast change to restore your relationship to better times? Read on…

Masters And Disasters

The Gottman Institute studies of Julie and John Gottman along with many other supporting studies¹  say lasting relationships come down to kindness, fondness, turning towards your partner and an active interest in maintaining intimate friendship over the years.

A question came up: Do unhappy marriages share something in common?

Psychologist John and Julie Gottman along with Robert Levenson for the past four decades has studied thousands of couples in a quest to figure out what makes relationships work.

In 1986, John Gottman with his colleague Robert Levenson  and associates, hooked the couples up to measure the subjects’ blood flow, heart rates, and how much they sweat. The hooked up ‘wiggle-monitors’ to determine the edginess of them wiggling in chairs. They establish base rates and then followed along with a research team behind walls monitoring their vital signs. They had the couples talk about their relationship. Such things like: how they met, a major conflict they were facing together, and positive memories they had. Everything was recorded including videotaping.

The data suggested two major groups: the Masters and the Disasters.

Analyzing the data they saw clear differences between the masters and disasters.

The Masters were still happily together after six years.

The Disasters had either broken up or were chronically unhappy in their marriages.

The Disasters

The disasters looked calm during the interviews but their active physiology told important new data understanding relationships.

  • heart rates were quick
  • sweat glands were active
  • blood flow was fast
  • often edginess in wiggling in chairs

Following thousands of couples longitudinally, The Gottman Institute found that the more physiologically active the couples were in the lab, the quicker their relationships deteriorated over time.

Say What?

The disasters showed signs of arousal—of being in fight-or-flight mode—in their relationships. The Limbric brain is involved here. Specifically the amygdala. This also affects impulse control and the anger response. (Anger Management).

Having a conversation sitting next to their spouse was, to their bodies, like facing off with lions and tigers and bears.

Even when they were talking about pleasant or mundane facets of their relationships, they were prepared to attack and be attacked. This sent their heart rates soaring and made them more aggressive toward each other.

An example: The couple could be talking about how their days had gone, and a highly aroused wife might say to her husband, “Why don’t you start talking about your day. It won’t take you very long.” A put down indeed. This then distances the couple, perhaps the feeling of being disrespected and an anger response arises, even if not expressed.

The Masters

The masters, by contrast, showed low physiological arousal.

They felt:

  • calm and connected together
  • Their vital signs were more normal or returned to normal quickly if aroused
  • translated into warm and affectionate behavior even if they argued.

It’s not that the masters had a better physiological make-up than the disasters. The masters had created a climate of trust and intimacy that made both of them more emotionally and thus physically comfortable.

Professor Gottman wanted to know more about how the masters created that culture of love and intimacy, and how the disasters squashed it.

In 1990, he designed a lab on the University of Washington campus looking like a bed and breakfast apartment deemed “The Love Lab”.  He invited 130 newlywed couples, each couple one at a time, to spend the day at this retreat and watched and recorded as before everything normal couples do: arrive, put up groceries, eat, chat, cook, clean, listen to music, hang out, etc.

Professor Gottman and his team, made a critical discovery in this study. It identified why some relationships thrive while others wither.

Throughout the day, partners would make requests for connection, what Gottman calls “bids.”

One of John’s favorite examples from my training with them:

The wife who is a bird enthusiast notices a bluebird flying across the yard and finds a perch on a branch. She says quietly to her husband eating cereal while watching TV, “Look …a bluejay outside!” He is apparently absorbed and says nothing to her.

Question: What does the wife feel from this interaction?

Happy?
Sad?
Mad?
Invisible?
Not heard?
Disrespected?
Disconnected?

Joyful?

No… she might feel: Invisible, Not heard, Disrespected, Disconnected

The wife is not just commenting on the bluebird, she is requesting a response from her husband, a sign of interest or support, hoping they’ll connect, however momentarily, over the bird.

The husband missed his chance with no response. He is effect “turned away.” Silence, no response.

REWIND: How would he “turn towards”?

Professor Gottman suggests the husband grunt, “Huh?” or better “Wow, a sign spring is here.”  I suggest: Put down the cereal and come over and look beside your wife holding her, perhaps better, a hug from behind, a bit of playfulness and a kiss on the cheek.

CHOOSE:  Respond by either “turning toward” or “turning away” .

Though the bird-bid might seem minor, it actually reveals a lot about the health of their relationship.

People (Masters) who turned toward their partners in the study responded by engaging the bidder, showing interest and support in the bid. Those who didn’t, (Disasters) those who turned away, would not respond or respond minimally and continue doing whatever they were doing, like watching TV or reading the paper. Sometimes they would respond with overt hostility, saying something like, “Stop interrupting me, I’m reading.”

These bidding interactions had profound effects on marital well-being. Couples who had divorced after a six-year follow up had “turn-toward bids” 33 percent of the time. Only three in ten of their bids for emotional connection were met with intimacy.

The couples who were still together after six years had “turn-toward bids” 87 percent of the time. Nine times out of ten, they were meeting their partner’s emotional needs.

By observing these types of interactions, Professor Gottman can predict with up to 94 percent certainty whether couples—straight or gay, rich or poor, childless or not, will be broken up, together and unhappy, or together and happy several years later. Much of it comes down to the spirit couples bring to the relationship.

Couples who practice kindness and generosity stay together. (Masters)

Couples who practice contempt, criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling and hostility mostly breakup or are unhappy. (Disasters)

“There’s a habit of mind that the masters have,” Gottman explained in our training. Masters are scanning social environment for things they can appreciate and say thank you for. They are building this culture of respect and appreciation very purposefully. I call it the 3 A’s. Appreciate, Acknowledge, Acceptance.

Disasters are scanning the social environment for partners’ mistakes.

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse:

  1. criticism
  2. defensiveness
  3. contempt
  4. stonewalling

Contempt is the number one factor that tears couples apart.

1. Couples who are focused on criticizing their partners miss a whopping 50 % of positive things their partners are doing and they see negativity when it’s not there. People who give their partner the cold shoulder (avoidance or putting up walls) choosing to  ignore their partner or responding minimally, damage their relationship by making their partner feel invisible, alone, as if they’re not there, and/or not valued.

Being mean is the death of relationships.
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is  the death of relationships.

Kindness, on the other hand, glues couples together.

Kindness makes each partner feel cared for, understood, validated and feel loved, connected. The more someone receives or witnesses kindness, the more they will be kind themselves, which leads to upward spirals of love and generosity in a relationship.

Masters tend to think about kindness as a muscle. Exercise it to keep it in shape. A good relationship requires consistent mindfulness and hard work.

When your partner expresses a need (bid) even if you are emotionally not available or tired, or stressed, you still turn toward your partner.

Do not ignore the small moments of emotional connection or they will slowly wear away at your relationship. Neglect creates distance between partners and breeds resentment in the one who is being ignored.

Letting contempt and aggression spiral out of control during a conflict can inflict irrevocable damage on your relationship. This is the time to remember kindness and learn to disengage before things get ugly. Successful couples know and practice this.

ACTION:

1. Make a list of 5 Acts Of Kindness You Will Do Today, each day.

2. 3 A’s. Appreciate, Acknowledge, Acceptance. How? Practice.

See Blog on Practice Not Quarreling.

 

The Sound Relationship House (C) Gottman Institute Used With Permission. Do Not Reproduce.

The Sound Relationship House (C) Gottman Institute Used With Permission. Do Not Reproduce.

 

 

 

Need Relationship Help?

Have Couples Conflict?

CONTACT: 

Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator
Michele Weiner-Davis Divorce Busting Level I ​
Gottman Seven Principles Program Educator
Gottman Method Couple Therapy Level 1 Certificate of Completion
Certified ​MHS ​Bar-On Emotional Intelligence​ EQ-i 2.0 ​Provider
Diplomate American Association Anger Management Providers

Atlanta Anger Management
5555 Glenridge Connector
Suite 200 (2nd Floor)
Atlanta, Georgia 30342 USA

Office Phone: 678-576-1913
Fax: 1-866-551-1253
Web: www.atlantaangermanagement.com
E-mail: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com

Linked in:http://www.linkedin.com/in/richardtayloraam

#1 Certified Anderson and Anderson™ Anger Management Provider
The Best Of The Best In Anger Management & Emotional Intelligence

 

Turning Towards Your Partner – Worksheet USE IT!

Turning Towards Your Partner* – Worksheet      USE IT!

1. A kiss before he/she dashes out the door. Your partner may be in a frenetic rush to work, but one never knows when you may never see your partner again. Embrace the moment and express your love ALWAYS, even if you had a argument.  A kiss, a hug…say “I love You! Have a good day/trip/have fun,” something!

2. Refusing to let your clothes wrinkle in the dryer. When you don’t hear its ending cycle buzz, know your partner answers the call, and chooses to be proactive folding the clothes before those iron-resistant creases can set in.

3. Pulling the blanket over a bare shoulder. You’ve crashed on the couch, uncovered—but your partner comes to the rescue with a blanket so that you won’t awake shivering in the cold.

4. You could use your partner’s first name, but instead use a nickname or pet name instead.

5. Displays Of Affection. Check! Whether you’re strolling side by side on a sidewalk, walking through a crowded venue, or hunkered down on the couch, choose to hold hands, touch, displays of affection.

6. Texting midday just to say hello.  Send a simple check-in message, read the subtext of the text: It’s always “I was thinking of you.” Leave a Post It Note®  “I love you!”  ” I want you!”

7. Whip out a candle at dinnertime. Even leftovers devoured on the sofa are made romantic when your partner adds a little candlelight action to the coffee table. Display one flower. Nice.

8. Keeping notes. You may not have the memory of an elephant, but because you want to remember things, write it down. Take a picture. Make a voice note on your phone.

9. Celebrating the small stuff. Life is made of Moments, make each day a day to be grateful for the gift of life, for the small “wins”, the little something that stands out noticed. Share that!

10. “Remember that one time?” Remember the good times, the funny times, the times when everything was great! Show your romantic side by regularly reminiscing about these times.

11. Create joy by adopting a positive more fun attitude. Work on adding humor and laughter in your lives. “A day without laughter is a day wasted.” Buy a joke book and read to each other. Find funny people to become friends with. Ditch negative folks….or minimize your exposure to them. Choose to be UP, not down. Choose to try to be kind to your partner.

What are you going to do?

Name Name
1.2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

1.2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

 

* Gottman Method – Sound Relationship House

Turning towards your partner builds up “Your Bank Account Of LOVE”. Positivity. Couples who have life long relationships build up, not tear down. Turning towards Today.

 

The saying goes…”Random Acts Of Kindness.”

https://www.randomactsofkindness.org/inspirational-kindness-quotes

 

Couples Workshop: 

Couple Private Sessions

For Help Contact:

Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator
Certified MHS Emotional Intelligence EQ-i 2.0 Provider
Diplomate American Association Anger Management Providers

Richard Taylor

Atlanta Anger Management
5555 Glenridge Connector
Suite 200 (2nd Floor)
Atlanta, Georgia 30342 USA

Office Phone: 678-576-1913
Fax: 1-866-551-1253
Web: www.atlantaangermanagement.com
E-mail: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com

Linked in:http://www.linkedin.com/in/richardtayloraam

#1 Certified Anderson and Anderson™ Anger Management Provider
The Best Of The Best In Anger, Emotional Intelligence, Stress, Communication, Couples

EQi-2.0 Certified - Richard Taylor

Couples Conflict Management Intensive

Couples Conflict Management Intensive

Couples Conflict Management Intensive In Atlanta, GA

” Save Your Relationship Workshop “

Couples in Conflict Intensive Workshop Course To End Conflict And Smell The Roses

Director Richard Taylor of Atlanta Anger Management is offering an Intensive For Couples Wanting To Enhance Their Relationship; For those couples who are having trouble in their relationship. If Anger seems to be an overriding emotions that comes up too frequently and too intensely lately, too many arguments, discord ever present, this is for you.

NOTE: RICHARD ONLY OFFERS THIS 2x A YEAR.

Couples Conflict Management Workshop

 

 

 

 

 

 

Image courtesy of smarnad at FreeDigitalPhotos.net 

 

FOR:

Couples In Trouble

Relationships where Anger, Depression, Being Stuck, Broken Trust, Broken Promises Exist

Break up or Divorce seems likely

SEEKING:

Creative Partners Invested In Change To Empower Your Relationship.

Important Note: This is not COUNSELING. This is Educational Based Coaching.

WHEN:

Friday Night “Date” Night – July 10, 24 August 7, 14 Four Sessions 6:30PM – 8:00PM

COUPLE COST:

Early Bird Sign-up $240.00 USD – Sign up by June 17
Discount $280.00 – Sign up by July 5
Regular Pricing $360.00 – Sign Up after July 5 12:00AM

Pre-Pay To Reserve Your Two Seats. 3 Couples Only. Total 6 People. Non Refundable.

WE WILL BE LEARNING:

Core Life Skills in the following domains:

• Emotional Intelligence:
self-awareness & self-control, social-awareness and relationship management
• Anger Awareness – ABCDs Of Anger
• Assessments in: Identying Your Trippgers, Passive Anger Behaviors, Aggressive Behaviors, Cognitive Distortions or Assumptions
• Anger Management
• Improved Communication through Assertion Training & Active Listening
• Relationship Management
• Conflict Styles
• Learning to Respond To Another Person’s Anger
• Optimism and Gratitude
• Empathy and Compassion
• Fighting Fair
• Proper Time Outs
• Stop Arguing
• Learning to turn Aggressive Anger into Respectful Anger
• Learning to Live In The Present Moment
• Letting Go Of Past Hurts
• Become Best Friends Again
• Manage Conflict
• Create Shared Meaning
• Create Bucket List Of Dreams & Possibilities
• You are what you consume, Nutrition, Stress, Media

• Time For Couple to Have a Meaningful Private Conversation

WHAT TO EXPECT: Rapid Change And Improvement In Your Relationship.
FORMAT: 1.5 Hour Couple Conflict Intensive Sessions with 3 Couples with 4 Meetups All Commited To Change July 10, 24 and August 7, 14
WHEN:

Friday Night “Date” Night – July 10, 24 August 7, 14 Four Sessions 6:30PM – 8:00PM

No Babies, No Children as they will distract you/others

A Total of Six Hours of Growth and Change

PrePay above to Reserve Your Seat.

NOTE: RICHARD ONLY OFFERS THIS 2X A YEAR.

Call Richard Taylor 678.576.1913 to discuss if you have questions.

INCLUDED:

After the Intensive, each couple will have a free follow up 1 Hour Private Session four weeks later With Richard Taylor.

Take Away For Free: Free workbook of Couple Conflict Intensive for Future Reference

TERMS: Non Refundable
Please plan to attend 4 Consecutive 1.5 Hour Couple Sessions

No Make Up Sessions
If you cancel at last minute you agree to forfeit 90% of paid amount. The remaining 10% will be refunded with 5-7 business days

All USD funds are non refundable. Only Book if you really plan to attend.

In all 6 hours of learning new principles and life skills to steer a new course towards
growing, breaking loose of codependency, becoming best friends again, learning to let go and truly get on with better happier living.

Call Richard at 678-576-1913 for more information or with questions.

WHO SHOULD ATTEND:

DO I NEED ANGER MANAGEMENT HELP?

Any of these currently at work in your relationship?

–>Criticism –> Defensiveness –> Contempt –> Withdrawal

–>Days pass with no happiness and joy

–>Harsh words exchanged daily

–>Name Calling and Blaming a way of life

–>Life’s Passion is gone, just existing is our daily duty

–>Stuck. Destructive patterns exchanged frequently

–>At least one partner never forgets anything and continually revisits them.

–>You hear yourself say: “Our relationship is messed up!”

–>”Oh x#%!, Here we go again!”

1) Your partner puts you down verbally, in private or in front of others.
2) Your partner tells you he/she loves you but behavior shows otherwise.
3) Your partner doesn’t’t want you to see or talk to friends or family.
4) Your partner is jealous of the time you spend with your kids.
5) Your partner shows up often at your work unexpectedly or opens your mail.
6) Your partner calls you often to see what you are doing.
7) You cry often or feel depressed over your relationship.
8) Your partner says you would have the perfect relationship if only you would change.
9) Your partner wants you to be dependent on him.
10) Your partner does things for you and then uses them to make you feel obligated.
11) Your thoughts, opinions, accomplishments, or words are devalued.
12) You don’t know who you are anymore without him/her, or how you would survive.
13) Your friends/family don’t like your partner or don’t think he is good for you.
14) You have changed things about yourself to suit your partner, even when it is not your taste.
15) You always go where your partner wants to, like movies, restaurants, etc.
16) Your partner has made you feel afraid or unsafe, and you have been afraid to speak the truth at times for fear of upsetting him/her (walking on eggshells).
17) You don’t feel you have control of your life anymore.
18) Your self-esteem is lower since you’ve been with your partner.
19) You think it’s up to you to make the relationship work.
20) You keep secrets about your relationship from others who love you because they wouldn’t understand.
21) Your partner makes you feel unattractive or stupid.
22) Your partner accuses you of cheating and is overly jealous.
23) Your partner can be really sweet to you one minute, and really mean the next.
24) Your partner seems really sweet/loving to you when he/she thinks you are about to leave the relationship, or after he/she has been mean to you.
25) You can’t remember the last time you felt happy for more than a few days straight.
DRESS: Casual
BRING: Snacks, Bottle Drinks if you want.
ENVIRONMENT: Inside Corporate Building

Complimentary Refreshments: Designer Coffees, Hot Tea, Hot Chocolate, Cappuccino, Filtered Water
Purists: Bring your own, bring your own snacks.
Free workbook of Couple Conflict Intensive for Future Reference

There will be break-out time for couples to work alone on their issues, private discussion
and try some of the new ways to be in a relationship.

This is an experience to immerse yourselves into.

Creative Partners Invested In Change To Empower Your Relationship.

WHAT TO EXPECT: Rapid Change And Improvement In Your Relationship.

CONTACT:
Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator
Diplomate of the AAAMP

Atlanta Anger Management
5555 Glenridge Connector
Suite 200 (2nd Floor)
Atlanta, Georgia 30342 USA

Phone: 678-576-1913
Fax: 1-866-551-1253
Web: www.atlantaangermanagement.com
E-mail: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com

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