COUPLES CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

COUPLES CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

Atlanta Couples ( Marriage & Relationship ) Conflict Management

Conflict Management Training consists of face-to-face training in private sessions with the couple or start with indvidual.

Couple Conflict Management and possible Conflict Resolution is for couples in toxic relationship patterns where you want your relationship to work but things are either stalled and going no where or directly to the relationship ending.

Use when traditional counseling hasn’t worked. Or one of the partners is not big on counseling.

Call Richard at 678-576-1913

What’s different?

1.) This is Education Based Training and Discussion in a controlled environment with Facilitator (Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF) trained in Anger/Stress/Conflict Management. You receive hand-out teaching points with ACTION PLAN for each session.

2.) It is brief in nature. Usually 3-6 Sessions. You choose when things are better and you feel you no longer need to come since things are back to a better way of living.

3.) Couples need not “beat each other up” in the sessions.

4.) Can be started with couple or only one person attending.

5.) Same price for couple or single.

6.) WORKS! If both people are willing to address and own their own flaws and change themselves, resolution happens.

NOTE: Many couples continue with their current Marriage Counselor and that is encouraged. This is not counseling. This is re-education of learned behaviors that are toxic.

You will learn to identify and modify your attitudes and behaviors to return to a more loving healthy interpersonal relationship.

Question: Does present day life seem like a burden and just getting through another day takes a lot of effort? Criticism and hurt is the ever present pattern of interactions between partners?

Any of these currently at work in your relationship?

–>Criticism –> Defensiveness  –> Contempt  –> Withdrawal

–>Days pass with no happiness and joy

–>Harsh words exchanged daily

–>Name Calling and Blaming a way of life

–>Life’s Passion is gone, just existing is our daily duty

–>Stuck. Destructive patterns exchanged frequently

–>At least one partner never forgets anything and continually revisits them.

–>You hear yourself say: “Our relationship is messed up!”

–>”Oh x#%!, Here we go again!”

Better get help fast. These are known to kill any relationship.

Call Richard at 678-576-1913

COUPLE SESSION | ACCELERATED ONE DAY WORKSHOP

Couples Conflict Management will be scheduled on a case by case basis by appointment.

Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF of Atlanta Anger Management offers Couple Conflict Management Sessions or Accelerated Workshop. They encompass a practical approach to providing a positive way of developing a healthier personality and reducing toxic anger within the relationship to help you get back on track and over the hurdle of hurt, resentment, and withdrawal.

People are waking up to the fact: “where ever you go, there you are.” Changing partners most often is not the answer. You will bring the same relationship patterns to the next relationship and find yourself in similar circumstances.

Participants find out quickly that what we teach really works. It helps them become more aware of their emotions, communication style, conflict, stress and anger issues and empathy they have or lack.

The couple can then begin the work of learning skills to address these issues.

Assertion is a powerful communication skill that helps people verbalize more effectively, with a calm tone that is more honest, and more appropriate to the situation. It is more effective than aggressive communicating or passive aggressive or passive communicating styles.

Assertive Training is taught to state unmet needs and communicate in ways that significantly reduce the angry feeling. Often our extremely effective anger management principles are embraced to support the process.

Stress: It is very important to manage stress in order to control conflict. Stress is usually the trigger for conflict/anger.

Empathy: the ability to put oneself in someone else’s shoes and be able to be with and understand another person’s emotions is also a key component in controlling conflict.

We take a look at Passive and Aggressive Anger that might be at work in the relationship.

We help clients understand what conflict really is and give them the tools to start to manage their conflict/stress to lead more productive lives with a better relationship that enriches their life and often their children’s lives.

Conflict Management Training consists of face-to-face training in private sessions with the couple.

If Wanted: Certificate of Completion will be awarded on the last day to those completing ALL sessions and payment in full.

If Court Ordered: The participant can then give the Certificate of Completion to the Court or Probation Officer.

Conflict Management will be scheduled on a case by case basis by appointment.

THE PROCESS

Over time our Couples (Marriage – Relationship) Conflict Management has evolved. Most often one person presents themselves as ” The Angry One In The Relationship”. A lot of the time volunteering as they desperately want to save the relationship. Other times “forced” to come by their partner.

In either case we have a First Intake Meeting and establish an Action Plan and offer specific immediate tools to start the change process. Small changes by one partner can be huge as it then offers noticeable difference to the partner. This in turn helps them to shift their reaction. Hope is reinforced and also a vision that things can and will improve.

Repeat…this is not counseling. Therefore hours of delving into root causes is not needed. The “Blame Game” is not needed.

After a few individual sessions most often it is time to meet with the partner for them to check in and have their side presented.

Interactions, progress, stalls, what is happening, successes, then leads us to the next step. Often both partners come for some lively interactions for further goal development, further Action Plans and many times Behavior or Language Contracts to halt destructive interactions.

The Couples know when it is time to stop coming as Conflict has eased and they have the tools to continue to improve and re-establish prior happy times.

The myth says it takes 3 weeks to change a behavior into a habit. Other research finds it is about 66 days. So it suggested to give the relationship a better chance to keep things on track that you commit to 4-8 sessions.


ATLANTA ANGER MANAGMENT
No sofas…
This is a Coaching Therapy Session
not Psychotherapy.

COUPLES CONFLICT MANAGEMENT SESSIONS
Non Refundable

Call Richard at 678-576-1913 or e-mail to discuss your needs and schedule an appointment. No Drop ins. Please check in to discuss your needs.

  INVEST IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP


COUPLES CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

OPTION 1: 60 Minute Session


COUPLES CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

OPTION 2 – Fast Track – First Meeting

Choose Longer Session to Accomplish more and have Action Plan to do before next session.

Both Partners Arrive to Work On Issues.

Sessions: Choose: 90 minutes | 120 Minutes | 3 Hours (180 Minutes)

After first session couples can choose the 60 Minute Session thereafter..

 Call Richard at 678-576-1913

COUPLES CONFLICT BLOG ARTICLE

When does this NOT work? When couples remain in

–>Blame Game

–>Criticism

–> Defensiveness

 –> Contempt  

–> Withdrawal

Behavior Changes: It suggested to give the relationship a better chance to keep things on track that you commit to 4-8 sessions.

Call Richard at 678-576-1913 or e-mail to discuss your needs and schedule an appointment. No Drop ins.

Non Refundable

Follow Up Consult Available When Needed.

We can also Use Facebook Messenger Video Chat,
(compatible I phone to my Android phone)
Skype or ICQ.

Question?

Is your relationship worth saving for less than the cost of a HDTV?

Is gaining life skills in Anger Management, Stress Management, Improved Communications, Emotional Intelligence and Changing one’s perception of the world that directly affects your relationships that will last a life time worth it?

How much does separation or divorce really costs? Google it.

Money cost… emotional cost… physical cost, mental cost, spiritual cost?

Change can be hard. But if you want to save your relationship, personal growth is required. Most often one person willing to working towards bettering the relationship will affect the partner and a shift occurs bringing them around to wanting to participate.

Use Couples Conflict Management and possible Conflict Resolution of the relevant issues.

We accept Visa, MasterCard, AMEX, PayPal to book your Session.


We do not accept checks. No Money Orders.

To cancel your appointment it is expected to give us 24 Hour notice. Shorter notice or no notice results in full billing for lost time. No Exceptions.

Free Parking With No Attendant. 24/7 building and deck security.


Inform receptionist of your arrival to see Richard Taylor.


Nice waiting areas.

Call Richard at 678-576-1913

In Person Sessions:


“DO NOT PASS YOUR ANGER UNTO ME PLEASE.”

                                                         

TESTIMONIALS:

I wanted to thank you. My wife withdrew our divorce papers and was glad to attend my sessions with you and work through some of our differences. I know I have to change to keep her. After almost 30 years of marriage I did not see it was my aggressive communication style and behaviors that overwhelmed her passive nature. Again thank you so much for giving us a plan to as you said it ” create new relationship patterns and renew our friendship and trust”. I am in your debt. – Zach and Courtney

Hi Richard:
Jason checking in. I wanted to thank you for helping me get my wife back! As you remember she had moved out and was staying with her Mom with our child. She said I had to do something about my ongoing life long anger issues or our marriage was over. I found you and used your Private Sessions format and after just two sessions she could see a major difference in me and moved back home. Thank you. We are both amazed and thrilled that we are better able to express our ourselves, argue less, and get to what is bother us without the need for all the drama we used to employ. Your non counseling, non judgmental approach really works. Thanks again for helping me save my marriage and my life! – Jason, and Becky

Mr. T: We tried counseling and for us it didn’t seem to help. We liked our first session with you the 90 minute one and help us clear the air…and your Action Plan gave us some things to focus on…a week was just enough time to see you again for more tips, ways to change what we are doing…we liked you saying…”Doing the same thing is not an option.” Totally. The sun is shining again. Best. -Toy and Johnny

Mr. Taylor: Thanks for helping us learn to communicate better! Things are going better. – D & S

Hi Richard: I wanted to thank you for helping my girlfriend and I save our relationship after we broke up and she moved out of state. After I crossed the line and hit her, you remember that she had to return to Atlanta and the new ways of handling myself were duly noted and she gave me a second chance. We are doing much better now and I hope I can get her to attend a few sessions to adjust some of her behaviors that still “get to me…” Thanks again! You are amazing! – Louis


Hi: Thanks for helping us restore our relationship. – Lynn and Charlie

Richard: We just wanted to let you know that we have seem to turn the corner! We are both starting to “get it” and becoming more aware of our negative relationship patterns that you helped bring to the forefront. The Anger Management Assessment was really worth it and invaluable for us to see the dynamics working in each of us. Your Language Reform Program has also really helped. When we both finally started to fully embrace the principles taught, incredible shifts started happening.

We both feel hope and our personal hurts seem to be dissolving. We will stay in touch and let you know further how it is going! We are both amazed at how fast things are improving! We appreciate your passion and compassion and your nonjudgmental empathy in helping us over the hump/bump that we moved into without much thought. Thank you. Thank you. – Jennifer and Tom

            Thanks for helping me stop raging. We are groovin now again…- Alejandro  

Richard: Wow! Last week we met with you for 3 hours for a wild Couples Conflict Management session, after Gene met with you a few times. I wanted you to know that you helped us open our eyes to see some of the dynamics in our relationship like wow for the first time. Neither of us are big on therapy, so finding you was exciting. Positive things are happening. Our on going hurt produced by criticism, sarcasm, defensiveness and withdrawal seems to be dissolving. We are no longer attacking each other all the time. (Not allowed – We used your Behavior Change Contract!) We are excited to see you again for further progress and Action Plans. – Bee and Gene

Hi: Rusty and I wanted to thank you for helping us through our separation and helping us get back together again. Living apart was needed but sucked. We had no way to get back to each other, too much hurt and anger, frustration, disappointment. We are very thankful for your gifts on compassion, direction, insights, proddings, contracts, more…and Action Plan that gave us a path to walk that was doable with results. We are together and happy again! You are the greatest. – Betsy and Rusty

Richard: You are awesome. We are happy again! Amazing it only took six weeks not two years! Your program is definitely the way to go. Thanks for your support. – Brit and Joseph

Thanks for your insights and coping skills to help us get over the rocky patch in our thing. Abayomi & Joost

“It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure,
to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.”

Alan Cohen

NOTICE:
Terms, Costs, Services Offered May Change
Without Notice.
Once You Sign Up & Enroll, Everything Remains
The Same As Outlined.

NO INSURANCE IS ACCEPTED.

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Couple Talk – Importance of Kindness and Fondness,  ‘Turning Towards’ 

∇ Have you become argumentive lately?

∇ Seem to only see the negative in your partner?

∇ Seem to have bad “moods” a lot lately?

∇ Not as happy as the early days in the relationship?

∇ Wonder when things are going to change?

∇ Feel stuck in your relationship?

∇ Feel not as upbeat as usual?

∇ Tired of fighting?

∇ Ponder getting back at your partner?

∇ Think: Hurt ME, and you will hurt MORE!

Well join the club!  53 % Divorce Rate In USA

Wikipedia Divorce Rates Worldwide

Need a fast change to restore your relationship to better times? Read on…

Masters And Disasters

The Gottman Institute studies of Julie and John Gottman along with many other supporting studies¹  say lasting relationships come down to kindness, fondness, turning towards your partner and an active interest in maintaining intimate friendship over the years.

A question came up: Do unhappy marriages share something in common?

Psychologist John and Julie Gottman along with Robert Levenson for the past four decades has studied thousands of couples in a quest to figure out what makes relationships work.

In 1986, John Gottman with his colleague Robert Levenson  and associates, hooked the couples up to measure the subjects’ blood flow, heart rates, and how much they sweat. The hooked up ‘wiggle-monitors’ to determine the edginess of them wiggling in chairs. They establish base rates and then followed along with a research team behind walls monitoring their vital signs. They had the couples talk about their relationship. Such things like: how they met, a major conflict they were facing together, and positive memories they had. Everything was recorded including videotaping.

The data suggested two major groups: the Masters and the Disasters.

Analyzing the data they saw clear differences between the masters and disasters.

The Masters were still happily together after six years.

The Disasters had either broken up or were chronically unhappy in their marriages.

The Disasters

The disasters looked calm during the interviews but their active physiology told important new data understanding relationships.

  • heart rates were quick
  • sweat glands were active
  • blood flow was fast
  • often edginess in wiggling in chairs

Following thousands of couples longitudinally, The Gottman Institute found that the more physiologically active the couples were in the lab, the quicker their relationships deteriorated over time.

Say What?

The disasters showed signs of arousal—of being in fight-or-flight mode—in their relationships. The Limbric brain is involved here. Specifically the amygdala. This also affects impulse control and the anger response. (Anger Management).

Having a conversation sitting next to their spouse was, to their bodies, like facing off with lions and tigers and bears.

Even when they were talking about pleasant or mundane facets of their relationships, they were prepared to attack and be attacked. This sent their heart rates soaring and made them more aggressive toward each other.

An example: The couple could be talking about how their days had gone, and a highly aroused wife might say to her husband, “Why don’t you start talking about your day. It won’t take you very long.” A put down indeed. This then distances the couple, perhaps the feeling of being disrespected and an anger response arises, even if not expressed.

The Masters

The masters, by contrast, showed low physiological arousal.

They felt:

  • calm and connected together
  • Their vital signs were more normal or returned to normal quickly if aroused
  • translated into warm and affectionate behavior even if they argued.

It’s not that the masters had a better physiological make-up than the disasters. The masters had created a climate of trust and intimacy that made both of them more emotionally and thus physically comfortable.

Professor Gottman wanted to know more about how the masters created that culture of love and intimacy, and how the disasters squashed it.

In 1990, he designed a lab on the University of Washington campus looking like a bed and breakfast apartment deemed “The Love Lab”.  He invited 130 newlywed couples, each couple one at a time, to spend the day at this retreat and watched and recorded as before everything normal couples do: arrive, put up groceries, eat, chat, cook, clean, listen to music, hang out, etc.

Professor Gottman and his team, made a critical discovery in this study. It identified why some relationships thrive while others wither.

Throughout the day, partners would make requests for connection, what Gottman calls “bids.”

One of John’s favorite examples from my training with them:

The wife who is a bird enthusiast notices a bluebird flying across the yard and finds a perch on a branch. She says quietly to her husband eating cereal while watching TV, “Look …a bluejay outside!” He is apparently absorbed and says nothing to her.

Question: What does the wife feel from this interaction?

Happy?
Sad?
Mad?
Invisible?
Not heard?
Disrespected?
Disconnected?

Joyful?

No… she might feel: Invisible, Not heard, Disrespected, Disconnected

The wife is not just commenting on the bluebird, she is requesting a response from her husband, a sign of interest or support, hoping they’ll connect, however momentarily, over the bird.

The husband missed his chance with no response. He is effect “turned away.” Silence, no response.

REWIND: How would he “turn towards”?

Professor Gottman suggests the husband grunt, “Huh?” or better “Wow, a sign spring is here.”  I suggest: Put down the cereal and come over and look beside your wife holding her, perhaps better, a hug from behind, a bit of playfulness and a kiss on the cheek.

CHOOSE:  Respond by either “turning toward” or “turning away” .

Though the bird-bid might seem minor, it actually reveals a lot about the health of their relationship.

People (Masters) who turned toward their partners in the study responded by engaging the bidder, showing interest and support in the bid. Those who didn’t, (Disasters) those who turned away, would not respond or respond minimally and continue doing whatever they were doing, like watching TV or reading the paper. Sometimes they would respond with overt hostility, saying something like, “Stop interrupting me, I’m reading.”

These bidding interactions had profound effects on marital well-being. Couples who had divorced after a six-year follow up had “turn-toward bids” 33 percent of the time. Only three in ten of their bids for emotional connection were met with intimacy.

The couples who were still together after six years had “turn-toward bids” 87 percent of the time. Nine times out of ten, they were meeting their partner’s emotional needs.

By observing these types of interactions, Professor Gottman can predict with up to 94 percent certainty whether couples—straight or gay, rich or poor, childless or not, will be broken up, together and unhappy, or together and happy several years later. Much of it comes down to the spirit couples bring to the relationship.

Couples who practice kindness and generosity stay together. (Masters)

Couples who practice contempt, criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling and hostility mostly breakup or are unhappy. (Disasters)

“There’s a habit of mind that the masters have,” Gottman explained in our training. Masters are scanning social environment for things they can appreciate and say thank you for. They are building this culture of respect and appreciation very purposefully. I call it the 3 A’s. Appreciate, Acknowledge, Acceptance.

Disasters are scanning the social environment for partners’ mistakes.

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse:

  1. criticism
  2. defensiveness
  3. contempt
  4. stonewalling

Contempt is the number one factor that tears couples apart.

1. Couples who are focused on criticizing their partners miss a whopping 50 % of positive things their partners are doing and they see negativity when it’s not there. People who give their partner the cold shoulder (avoidance or putting up walls) choosing to  ignore their partner or responding minimally, damage their relationship by making their partner feel invisible, alone, as if they’re not there, and/or not valued.

Being mean is the death of relationships.
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is  the death of relationships.

Kindness, on the other hand, glues couples together.

Kindness makes each partner feel cared for, understood, validated and feel loved, connected. The more someone receives or witnesses kindness, the more they will be kind themselves, which leads to upward spirals of love and generosity in a relationship.

Masters tend to think about kindness as a muscle. Exercise it to keep it in shape. A good relationship requires consistent mindfulness and hard work.

When your partner expresses a need (bid) even if you are emotionally not available or tired, or stressed, you still turn toward your partner.

Do not ignore the small moments of emotional connection or they will slowly wear away at your relationship. Neglect creates distance between partners and breeds resentment in the one who is being ignored.

Letting contempt and aggression spiral out of control during a conflict can inflict irrevocable damage on your relationship. This is the time to remember kindness and learn to disengage before things get ugly. Successful couples know and practice this.

ACTION:

1. Make a list of 5 Acts Of Kindness You Will Do Today, each day.

2. 3 A’s. Appreciate, Acknowledge, Acceptance. How? Practice.

See Blog on Practice Not Quarreling.

 

The Sound Relationship House (C) Gottman Institute Used With Permission. Do Not Reproduce.

The Sound Relationship House (C) Gottman Institute Used With Permission. Do Not Reproduce.

 

 

 

Need Relationship Help?

Have Couples Conflict?

CONTACT: 

Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator
Michele Weiner-Davis Divorce Busting Level I ​
Gottman Seven Principles Program Educator
Gottman Method Couple Therapy Level 1 Certificate of Completion
Certified ​MHS ​Bar-On Emotional Intelligence​ EQ-i 2.0 ​Provider
Diplomate American Association Anger Management Providers

Atlanta Anger Management
5555 Glenridge Connector
Suite 200 (2nd Floor)
Atlanta, Georgia 30342 USA

Office Phone: 678-576-1913
Fax: 1-866-551-1253
Web: www.atlantaangermanagement.com
E-mail: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com

Linked in:http://www.linkedin.com/in/richardtayloraam

#1 Certified Anderson and Anderson™ Anger Management Provider
The Best Of The Best In Anger Management & Emotional Intelligence