SIGNS YOUR MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP IS IN TROUBLE

SIGNS YOUR MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP IS IN TROUBLE 8


 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Smart Tip: Get help when things start going downhill. Nip things in the bud.
 
 

“Couples wait an average of six years of being unhappy with their relationship before getting help,” said John Gottman, emeritus professor of psychology at the University of Washington and executive director of The Gottman Research Institute in Seattle. 1

 
Many couples never seek any help and either break up or head to a divorce attorney.
 
The divorce rate in the United States is the highest in the world. Fifty percent of marriages end in divorce. Sixty-seven percent of all second marriages end in divorce and 73 percent of third marriages end in divorce.2
 
Fifty percent of all children are children of divorce. 40.8% of all children are born of never married parents. 3
 
Divorce is expensive.
 

“It’s a lot more expensive to maintain two separate households and you’re having to do it on the same amount of income,” said Jeff Landers, CDFA, President of Bedrock Divorce Advisors in New York.

 
The impact of divorce is huge in their own lives and that of their children.
 
When children have a hard time, boys and girls suffer equally. They differ in how they suffer. Boys are more externally symptomatic acting out their anger, frustration and hurt. Boys may get into trouble in school; fight more with peers and parents. Girls tend to internalize their distress. They may become depressed, develop headaches, stomach aches, and have changes in their eating and sleeping patterns. Aggressive anger or passive anger is often felt and acted out.
 

What should people experiencing relationship/marriage problems do?
 

Get help when things start going downhill. Nip things in the bud.
 
 

Opposition brings concord. Out of discord comes the fairest harmony. 4

 
 
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Signs Of Trouble:

 
1 You’re Thinking About Having An Affair – STOP!
 

Having an affair outside the marriage/relationship does not solve your unhappiness.
Fact is affairs create unintended problems, generating a life of their own with unintended consequences no one can anticipant. It is not worth it. Stop the mental projections, the wishing immediately when they come up. Change your focus back towards your partner and seek help if you cannot work things out.
 
Bear in mind that counselors varying greatly on what they actually are committed to helping you accomplish.
Some have the goal of saving the relationship/marriage and is the driving point of their work; others maintain a goal of separate partner (individual) bliss. Divorce/Separation for the later is often guaranteed. Know your counselor point of view and goals before engaging them. Ask for a disclosure. Ask an open ended question like: ‘What is your main goal when working with couples with problems?’
 
Try and figure out if the counselor/anger management expert:
 
A. Fight for relationship/marriage at all costs
B. Main concern of the work is individual happiness and wellbeing
 
Instead of talk therapy, check out Anger ManagementCouples Conflict Management.
Atlanta Anger Management Couples Conflict Management is not talk therapy counseling.
 
It is client education and training re-framing the relationship patterns, enhancing assertive communication and active listening. It is increasing awareness of anger and other negative emotions triggers and hot buttons to understand relationship dynamics and handle them in a more productive way. It is changing destructive behavior patterns into more positive relationship patterns that are sustainable. It is not a short term fix but a new way of being/living. It is maintaining an exciting new way of being. Commit to being a “Creative Partner Invested In Positive Change”6.
 
Affairs Continued…
 
Once emotional or sexual involvement goes outside a marriage, the issues needing to be addressed become background issues.
 
Problems magnify and get worse:
 
• Lies
• Not doing what you say – See: Be Impeccable
• Broken promises
• Deceit
• Guilt
• Building Walls of separation
• Avoidance
• Less time spend together
• Shame
• Increased suspicions
• Trust erodes
• Responsibility diminishes
• Character flaws are magnified
• Love is crushed and turns to contempt
• I do not care anymore = death of relationship
 
If you’re considering being unfaithful, it signals something is wrong with your relationship.
Ask yourself and be honest. “Can I resist temptation?”
 
If someone threw themselves on me … Can I resist without thought because I am totally committed to my partner. This is what is needed even if you are fighting right now.
 
Remember: Any indiscretion is always found out. The Truth always is found out. The News verifies this daily.
 
There are solutions to your problems. Call Richard Taylor 678.576.1913
 
2 You Fight About The Same Thing Over and Over and Over
 
You should know with a 50% chance of marriage lasting that Marriage and Conflict happening is not if but when. Arguing from time to time is perfectly normal and is expected. That is not a problem. The problem is outlined with further points below.
Accept The Unsolvable
 
According to relationship scientist John Gottman, 69% of relationship conflicts are persistent problems, meaning they revolve around issues that tend to resurface no matter how long you’ve been together. If you find a problem seems to call up painful emotions, you’re looking at one that’s persistent.1
 
To stop this trouble from ruining your relationship, you’ll need to address the bigger issues underlying your difficulty. Take turns discussing with your partner what this loaded issue really means to you. When your partner is talking, your job is to listen, be nonjudgmental and to find something in her/his perspective that makes sense to you. When it’s your turn to talk, she/he should be doing the same thing. By treading more gently into touchy areas, you should at least be able to agree to disagree or make some small concessions for one another. Accept that some things are not solvable. It is best to not talk about it. Couples who have been together a long time have embraced this concept and saved their marriage by doing so.
 
Couples who focus on the negatives in their relationship surely self destruct.1
 
It is best to practice LIVING IN THE MOMENT and not bringing up the past. Live right now. Also do not project these beliefs into the future. Say: “ That was then, this is now.” All I can experience is right now. Work on catching negative thoughts and choose to ‘change the channel” with positive thoughts. Like “What is it I like most about my partner?” Focus with intention for 10-30 seconds on the good to help imprint it on the brain to rewire it.
 
3 Spending Less Time Together
 
 

“The number one cause for the breakdown in marriages today is couples aren’t spending enough time together.” 7 – Michele Weiner Davis

 
 
Everything is more important than setting aside sacred time for one another. Whether it’s work, kids, meetings, clubs, church, temple, friends, working out, hobbies, golf, sports, TV, social media, relatives, and so on, everything seems to take precedence over the relationship. When this happens, couples stop being friends and their emotional connection suffers. They begin leading separate lives. The often become housemates.
 
Marriage will remain in danger unless you change this. Make it your joint mission to re-establish couple time together and family time together. Perhaps real meals rather than fast food eating. Outdoor activities help relieve stress and help bonding. Put away your cell phones, texting, listening to “your” music. Embrace being present to those around you. Get out of yourself and into your relationships. You can choose to change. But no one can make you. Each person has to decide to let others in.
 
4 Talking About Superficial Topics
 

Communication is one of the keys to lasting relationships.
 
Partners often have different needs when it comes to talking. Often guys like to talk “about” things, while women like to often talk about their emotions and the meaning of things, events, family, deeper conversations that force us to think, feel, emote and define our beliefs. This is often harder work than the surface talk.
 
The “talker” in the marriage/relationship often feels let down, hurt, frustrated and alone because their partner does not participate willingly in the dialogue.
 
The “talker” sometimes talks about their needs and what needs fixing in the relationship which results in the partner shutting down and wants to disengage in the conversation. These produce avoidance, putting up walls and further shuts down communication. The result is negative feelings that might include frustration, isolation, uncooperativeness, unhappiness, loneliness, not being connected and depression.
Having these talks of the heart is needed to promote intimacy, acceptance, reliance, love, safety and security. Maybe even the feeling of feeling cherished. Being reluctant to engage in these conversations put your relationship at risk.
 
Unmet needs and boundary violations are the two main reasons anger is often felt and expressed.
 
So conversations discussing important matters about finances, your own feelings, loved ones, future plans and goals, what is working and not working, behavior change requests, etc are vastly important. Couples usually are able to move into these conversations in their 30’s and on. Not having them can make the relationship seem superficial, light and not very serious. Many, many people remain adolescent in their self development no matter what age they are. They are just not willing to do any self growth work.
 
5 Escalating Fights
 

Often we find our vocabulary limited and we rely on the same expression over and over and our conversations repeat themselves. He/she says the same thing, she/he responds always in the same way. We are on a gerbil round treadmill repeating the same relationship dynamics. We hear ourselves say…”Oh no, here we go again!”
 
This often leads to anger, contempt and withdrawal. Avoidance is a key destructive interaction in relationships.
 
Pay attention and notice if you are having the same fights.
 
If these arguments are growing in intensity you must act and do something about them. Seek outside professional help very soon, not six years from now! Sometimes these escalating fights manifest into either verbal abuse or physical abuse.
 
Rule #1 In Anger Management: Do Not Touch Your Partner When Angry. You Will Get Arrested.
 
Both verbal abuse or physical abuse are destructive to lasting relationships so act and get help.
 
Aggressive Communication Style often has components of:
 
Inattention

• Interrupting

• Control

• Manipulation

• Intimidation

• Hostility
 
These ongoing ever repeating fights or arguments definitely showcase that deeper underlying issues are not being addressed. Most often communication skills are lacking that healthy couples have. These communication skills can be learned so that unresolved issues can be worked through. We offer help in communication skills. Inquire.
 
6 Having Little Or No Sex
 
Usually one partner has a lower sex drive than the other partner. In other words one partner wants sex more often than the other. The problem arises when the partner with the lower sex drive refuses their spouse’s feelings and rejects most, if not all, sexual advances.
 
Often this results in hurt feelings, frustration, rejection, feeling unwanted, feeling deflated, emotionally disconnected, angry and desperate.
 
If this goes on too long be wary of one partner disconnecting and becoming removed. Intimacy ends. This can often lead to infidelity. Even if only emotional infidelity.
 
Divorce also happens.
 
Once you experience these feelings, many things can happen. You stop enjoying each other’s company, spending time together, connecting emotionally, and being friends. If you don’t do something about it the death of the relationship often results. Or you become housemates for the duration with little empathy or love for the other. You move into existence mode. This is unnatural and not healthy, especially when children are involved.
 
I have helped many couples that are sleeping in separate bedrooms, in essence co-existing.
 
If this is a religious decision of sexual abstinence that is a choice and is healthy and a positive thing, but most people are not in that situation. It is isolation, alienation that causes it.
 
If a spouse is not getting enough sex, or would like more frequency while the other not, you both need to examine the reasons it’s happening. If might be necessary get professional help in Sex Therapy. Do whatever it takes to re-create passion and intimacy in your marriage. Action is called for.
 

7 Focusing more on kids than each other
 
Fact: Empty Nesters are still divorcing in droves. Once the children leave home, the relationship often feels overwhelmingly void.9
Today’s American culture (and many others) has become very Child Centric; meaning making our children our number one priority placing them in the center of our lives.
 
Everything is about our children.
 
Often when we live this way, our marriages suffer. It is hard to follow the sage wisdom: God First, Spouses Second, Children Third, Parents Fourth. 10
 
Be careful to not feel more connected to your children than your partner. Doing so often disconnects us from our spouses, resulting in us becoming strangers. This empties the marriage of intimacy.
 
Making the marriage the most important thing in your lives is the best thing you can do for your children. Your children benefit enormously when you have loving close relationship, as it models what a good marriage is, giving them the image framework to repeat it in their own adult lives.
It also helps marital longevity more likely.
 
TIP: Analyze your family life. Are you on auto pilot? Are you placing your relationship to God 1st, Spouse 2nd, Children 3rd, Parents 4th? If not, try to change as this will put your marriage on a better path towards lasting fulfillment.

“Good character is not formed in a week or a month. It is created little by little, day by day. Protracted and patient effort is needed to develop good character.” – Heraclitus 3

 

QUESTIONS:

 
Do you see yourself in any of the above?
 
Do you see partner in any of the above?
 
Do you admit you might need to tweak some things?
 
Great. Awareness is the first key to change and make things better.
 
Do not be static, stuck and remain in your relationship patterns.
 
Do something.
 
Take a positive step and invest in your relationship/marriage, It is worth the cost of money, time, effort and growth.

Change is the only constant. All is flux, nothing is stationary. Everything flows and nothing stays. 3 – Heraclitus

Be exceptional and do not wait years, 2013 is the year. Heed these warnings if you are living them.
 
Make the call to Richard Taylor of Atlanta Anger Management at 678.576.1913
 
When you do, your marriage/relationship will be a healthier, happier place to be and you will live longer due to less stress. Really.
 
 
CONTACT
Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator
Diplomate American Association Anger Management Providers
Atlanta Anger Management
5555 Glenridge Connector
Suite 200 (2nd Floor)
Atlanta, Georgia 30342 USA
Office Phone: 678-576-1913
Fax: 1-866-551-1253
Web: http://www.atlantaangermanagement.com
E-mail: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com
Linked in:http://www.linkedin.com/in/richardtayloraam

A Certified Anderson and Anderson™ Anger Management Provider
The Best Of The Best In Anger Management & Emotional Intelligence
 
At Atlanta Anger Management, Atlanta, GA  Anger Management is offered:

_______________________________________________________

References:
1. The Gottman Research Institute
2. Leo Averbach, Author, Breakup: Enduring Divorce; BreakupAid
Follow Leo Averbach on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Breakupwriter
3. Heritage Foundation – America’s Greatest Weapon Against Child Poverty
4. Heraclitus – Ηράκλειτος (Herakleitos; Heraclitus) of Ephesus (c.535 BC – 475 BC) was a Greek philosopher
Good character is not formed in a week or a month. It is created little by little, day by day. Protracted and patient effort is needed to develop good character.
5. Ancient version of the Taijitu (太極圖), origins from Lai Zhi-De (來知德) alias Lai Qu-Tang (來瞿唐) 1525-1604). Black and white swirls around a transparent circle.
6. “Creative Partners Invested In Positive Change” © Richard Taylor 2009
7. Michele Weiner-Davis MSW http://www.divorcebusting.com/
8. Michele Weiner-Davis MSW http://www.divorcebusting.com/
9. Empty Nests and Empty Marriages
10. Happy Wives Club 

George Anderson Of Anderson and Anderson – Anger Management Guru

Quite Frankly George Anderson Is THE Anger Management Guru

Originally Posted on April 1, 2012 by Andrew Singer

What comes to mind when you think of anger management?

Some would describe anger management as a method to control one’s emotions.

Others, like me, would think of Jack Nicholson and Adam Sandler in the motion picture film Anger Management. A few years ago there was no right answer. Anger Management was just a term thrown around, and clearly, no one knew what it was. That was until George Anderson and his team of associates not only defined the term, but set the standard. Since then, Mr. Anderson and his team have never looked back.

Anger Management Movie Poster

Anger Management Movie Poster

Still never heard of Anderson and Anderson, eh?

The Anderson & Anderson program is internationally renowned, and, currently, they are the largest provider of certified Anger Management Facilitator training in the world.

George Anderson and his ideals have been featured in the New York Times, the Baltimore Sun News, the Toronto Sun News, ESPN, the Los Angeles Times Magazine, NBC’s Starting Over, the Chicago Tribune, Entertainment Weekly, the London Sunday Times, BBC, and many more.

Along with his lifetime of accolades, Mr. Anderson shed his knowledge on Hollywood when he served as a technical consultant on the well-known green lit film, Anger Management. By now I’m sure you are starting to see the big picture.

George Anderson

George Anderson

Some of L.A.’s most elite make the drive down Wilshire Boulevard to work with George, proving that the Anderson & Anderson business model is one of L.A.’s most untapped resources.

Affiliates of Anderson & Anderson are popping up all over the internet like chicken pox. Don’t believe me? Take a look for yourself. Currently there are over 75 web sites affiliated with the Anderson & Anderson business model and their merchandise.

Quietly, Mr. Anderson has become the godfather in a relatively uncharted industry. He has certified trainers mentored personally by himself all over the world, in countries like Argentina and London. Over time the business mogul of 12301 Wilshire Boulevard has set the bar as the most prominent anger management provider of the world, quite frankly in an industry that Mr. Anderson defined himself. So maybe next time when you think anger management, you will think Anderson & Anderson.

Andrew Singer
Intern
Anderson & Anderson, A.P.C.
Trusted Name in Anger Management

Richard Taylor Director and Owner of Atlanta Anger Management was personally
certified by George Anderson at the Anderson and Anderson World Headquarters in Brentwood, CA a suburb of Los Angeles, CA. Richard is one of George’s biggest fans and stays in touch with him by phone and e-mails.

Richard Taylor & George Anderson

Richard Taylor & George Anderson

Atlanta Anger Management  is the #1 Anderson and Anderson Certified Anger Management Provider in Atlanta, GA, possibly the Southeast.

Phone Inquires come from all over the United States asking about Anger Management from Social Worker Agencies, HR Departments, Colleges, Government Agencies wanting to refer participants to us when they transfer to the Atlanta area.

Participants have flown in, driven in their autos from Kentucky, Alabama, Tennessee, Florida, South Carolina, North Carolina, West Virginia and New York.

Services We Offer:

Please Call Richard at 678.576.1913 for more information or to set up appointment.

Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator™

Atlanta Anger Management
5555 Glenridge Connector
Suite 200 (2nd Floor)
Atlanta, Georgia 30342 USA

Phone: 678-576-1913
Fax: 1-866-551-1253
Web: www.atlantaangermanagement.com
E-mail: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com

Linked in: http://www.linkedin.com/in/richardtayloraam

Anger In Center of Relationship Troubles

Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF  is seeing more couples coming in for help with their relationship problems.

Many report that after 6 months to 2 years working with another counselor they just don’t know what to do, so called up to see what Anger Management is all about. They realize that anger is just getting too frequent and is intensifying.

Richard discloses that Anger and Rage Management is not counseling in fact, but rather Psycho – Education and Training to learn new behavioral strategies when emotions start heating up. The couple quickly learns in a few 1.5 to 3 hour sessions real world tools and techniques to work through the emotions and respond more appropriately to one another in a caring and understanding manner.

Richard often hears “We have learned more in this short time coming than ALL the time with our counselor! We are actually working through our problems and getting back on track again! Thank you.”

It is indeed rewarding helping clients return to the early days of their relationship and learning that a relationship can survive anger once it turns respectful.

Richard has helped stop divorce even when divorce papers have been served. If one person wants to stay married there is a ray of hope. But change has to come fast and be consistent. It is best to not wait to long to come in.

Anger Management with Richard is not what you imagine. Invest in one 1.5 hour visit
and you will come back again eagerly wanting more insights and homework assignments that are getting you above ‘baseline bummed’.

Call Richard today at 678-576-1913 for Anger ~ Rage ~ Couples Conflict Management help.

Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator™

Atlanta Anger Management
5555 Glenridge Connector
Suite 200 (2nd Floor)
Atlanta, Georgia 30342 USA

Phone: 678-576-1913
Fax: 1-866-551-1253
Web: www.atlantaangermanagement.com
E-mail: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com

Linked in: http://www.linkedin.com/in/richardtayloraam

Areas Served:

• Atlanta, GA
• Metro Atlanta
• Southeast US

• Acworth
• Alpharetta
• Atlanta
• Atlanta NAS
• Auburn
• Austell
• Avondale Estates
• Blairsville
• Bowdon
• Braselton
• Bremen
• Brookhaven
• Buckhead
• Buford
• Canton
• Carrollton
• Cartersville
• Cedartown
• Chamblee
• Clarkston
• College Park
• Conyers
• Covington
• Cumming
• Dacula
• Dallas
• Decatur
• Dobbins Air Force Base
• Doraville
• Douglasville
• Duluth
• Dunwoody
• East Point
• Ellenwood
• Ellijay
• Fairburn
• Fayette
• Fayetteville
• Flowery Branch
• Forest Park
• Glen Haven
• Grayson
• Greensboro
• Hampton
• Hapeville
• Hiram
• Jasper
• Johns Creek
• Jonesboro
• Kennesaw
• Lake Lanier Islands
• Lawrenceville
• Lilburn
• Lithia Springs
• Lithonia
• Locust Grove
• Loganville
• Mableton
• Marble Hill
• Marblehill
• Marietta
• McDonough
• Milton
• Monticello
• Morrow
• Newnan
• Newtown
• Norcross
• North Druid Hills
• Peachtree City
• Perimeter
• I-285
• GA 400
• Powder Springs
• Riverdale
• Rockmart
• Roswell
• Sandy Springs
• Scottdale
• Senoia
• Smyrna
• Snellville
• Stockbridge
• Stone Mountain
• Sunny Side
• Suwanee
• Tallapoosa
• Tucker
• Tyrone
• Union City
• Villa Rica
• Vinings
• Westoak
• Woodstock

•    Location: Atlanta, GA I-285 and 400

• Cherokee County
Includes the cities of Ball Ground, Canton, Holly Springs, Waleska, and Woodstock

• Clayton County
Includes the cities of Forest Park, Jonesboro, Lake City, Lovejoy, Morrow and Riverdale

• Cobb County
Includes the cities of Acworth, Austell, Kennesaw, Marietta, Powder Springs and Smyrna

• DeKalb County
Includes the cities of Avondale Estates, Chamblee, Clarkston, Decatur, Doraville, Lithonia, Pine Lake and Stone Mountain

• Douglas County
Includes the city of Douglasville

• Fayette County
Includes the cities of Brooks, Fayetteville, Peachtree City, Tyrone and Woolsey

• Fulton County
Includes the cities of Alpharetta, Atlanta, College Park, East Point, Fairburn, Hapeville, Johns Creek, Milton, Mountain Park, Palmetto, Roswell and Union City

• Gwinnett County
Includes the cities of Berkeley Lake, Buford, Dacula, Duluth, Grayson, Lawrenceville, Lilburn, Loganville, Norcross, Snellville, Sugar Hill and Suwanee

• Henry County
Includes the cities of Hampton, Locust Grove, McDonough and Stockbridge

• Rockdale County
Includes the city of Conyers

Anger In The Middle Of Pained Relationships

YOUR RELATIONSHIP NEED NOT END

Anger is often in the middle of a pained relationship.

Over 85% of our volunteer clients are calling because of anger surfacing to such a degree their intimate relationship is a high risk of ending or has already happened. Both men and women are calling for help.

And they want immediate help that works. We often work with the presenting client
to get things moving fast in a better upward direction easing tension by our education of changing some behaviors. We focus on Positive Changes with an ACTION PLAN for the week that gives solid things to be enacted to start change in the relationship.

Doing the same thing is not an option any longer. Clients know that it will continue the downward spiral that has been going on for some time.

After a few more individual sessions and more awareness assignments and things continuing to improve, often the partner shows up for their turn.

We stress that what we do is not counseling. Anger, Rage, Stress, Emotional Intelligence awareness and management is psycho education and training.
We do not need lots of information about your past. Just current events to start.

Sometimes a couple comes in together. This is ideal as we can start immediately to get both “on the same page” right from the start. A 1.5 Hour Session starts things off…or if the couple can afford it 2.5 hours. Many couples have told us they have already been to “talk therapists” and their issues still are very active and destructive.

Anger always seems to be in the middle of the hurt, unmet needs and boundary violations. Trust is at an all time low.

We help create some positive structure and ground rules to enable both partners to start doing things differently that starts to improve the affect between the two. In other words, they start liking each other just a bit more each day. Soon things are better if they can actually let go of blame, unforgiveness, being right (leads to being single) and their aggressive stance.

Gather up some energy and courage and just call Richard to set up a First Intake Meeting and stop sleeping alone. We encourage partners body contact.

Touch and warmth and love is a much better way to live! Get over the hump!
Let us help you with real life results.

Call Richard today. 678-576-1913

ATLANTA ANGER MANAGEMENT
Web: AtlantaAngerManagement.com
Email: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com

More Information: http://www.atlantaangermanagement.com/conflict.htm
www.AtlantaAngerManagement.com