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Richard Taylor’ Owner/Director of Atlanta Anger Management offers you an Unique Approach to helping you with anger issues, rage, couples conflict, melt downs, doing and saying stupid things.

Private Sessions best if you want fast action turn-around in your life. Solo or Couple.

Get help before you self-destruct. Discrete, no signs. Confidential.

Let’s hit it hard!

Call 678-576-1913 for a free chat about what is going on.

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Good To Know – ATL Airport Dominates

Clients have flown into Atlanta, GA to work with Richard Taylor of Atlanta Anger Management for issues of emotional control, couples conflict management,  job performance enhancement, and sports anger management.

Cheap flights from Atlanta, GA¹
  • Atlanta, GA is the gateway for cheap flights to domestic and international destinations and it currently has non-stop flights to 235 cities.
  • Atlanta, GA travelers take frequent flights to the following cities of Las Vegas, Nevada, Honolulu, Hawaii and New York City, New York.
  • In 2014 London, United Kingdom was the favorite European destination for travelers flying from Atlanta, GA and was followed by other cities like Rome, Italy, Paris, France and Frankfurt, Germany.
  • San Juan, Puerto Rico and other favorite sunny locations like Montego Bay, Jamaica, St. Thomas are also places visited by Atlanta, GA travelers.
  • The Top Asia destinations like Mumbai (Bombay), India, Manila, Philippines and New Delhi, India are also some favorite places for Atlanta, GA travelers.

Hartsfield-Jackson has a direct economic impact of more than about $32.5 billion for the metro Atlanta area economy.²

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2015 statistics³

Airports Council International‘s year-to-date figures as of March 2015 are as follows:[1]

Rank Airport Location Country Code
(IATA/ICAO)
Total
passengers
Rank
Change
%
Change
1. United StatesHartsfield–Jackson Atlanta International Airport Atlanta, Georgia United States ATL/KATL 22,746,009 Steady Increase5.1%
2. ChinaBeijing Capital International Airport ChaoyangShunyi, Beijing China PEK/ZBAA 21,663,240 Steady Increase5.5%
3. United Arab EmiratesDubai International Airport Garhoud, Dubai United Arab Emirates DXB/OMDB 19,606,327 Increase3 Increase6.8%
4. JapanTokyo Haneda Airport Ōta, Tokyo Japan HND/RJTT 18,053,930 Steady Increase8.4%
5. United StatesLos Angeles International Airport Los Angeles, California United States LAX/KLAX 16,416,281 Steady Increase2.8%
6. United KingdomLondon Heathrow Airport Hillingdon, London United Kingdom LHR/EGLL 16,364,246 Decrease3 Increase2.0%
7. ChinaHong Kong International Airport Chek Lap Kok, Hong Kong China HKG/VHHH 16,328,000 Increase3 Increase9.0%
8. United StatesO’Hare International Airport Chicago, Illinois United States ORD/KORD 16,258,025 Decrease1 Increase9.8%
9. United StatesDallas/Fort Worth International Airport DallasFort Worth, Texas United States DFW/KDFW 14,487,751 Steady Decrease1.2%
10. ThailandSuvarnabhumi Airport Bang Phli, Samut Prakan Thailand BKK/VTBS 14,139,314 Increase12 Increase14.8%
11. ChinaShanghai Pudong International Airport Pudong, Shanghai China PVG/ZSPD 14,136,814 Increase8 Increase17.7%
12. FranceParis-Charles de Gaulle Airport Roissy-en-France, Île-de-France France CDG/LFPG 14,113,587 Decrease4 Increase2.2%
13. ChinaGuangzhou Baiyun International Airport BaiyunHuadu, Guangzhou, Guangdong China CAN/ZGGG 14,094,902 Increase2 Increase3.7%
14. SingaporeSingapore Changi Airport Changi Singapore SIN/WSSS 13,076,000 Increase2 Decrease0.9%
15. TurkeyIstanbul Atatürk Airport Istanbul Turkey IST/LTBA 12,944,832 Decrease2 Increase4.4%
16. South KoreaSeoul Incheon International Airport Incheon Republic of Korea ICN/RKSI 12,539,595 Increase7 Increase15.6%
17. GermanyFrankfurt Airport Frankfurt, Hesse Germany FRA/EDDF 12,508,282 Decrease6 Increase2.8%
18. IndonesiaSoekarno-Hatta International Airport Cengkareng, Banten Indonesia CGK/WIII 12,314,667 Decrease6 Decrease9.5%
19. United StatesDenver International Airport Denver, Colorado United States DEN/KDEN 12,213,404 Decrease1 Decrease1.4%
20. MalaysiaKuala Lumpur International Airport Sepang, Selangor Malaysia KUL/WMKK 11,972,635 Steady Decrease2.9%
21. United StatesJohn F. Kennedy International Airport Queens, New York City, New York United States JFK/KJFK 11,924,793 Decrease4 Increase7.4%
22. NetherlandsAmsterdam Airport Schiphol Haarlemmermeer, North Holland The Netherlands AMS/EHAM 11,530,950 Decrease8 Increase3.5%
23. United StatesPhoenix Sky Harbor International Airport Phoenix, Arizona United States PHX/KPHX 11,015,495 Increase3 Increase4.5%
24. United StatesMiami International Airport Miami-Dade County, Florida United States MIA/KMIA 10,978,401 Increase5 Increase4.6%
25. United StatesSan Francisco International Airport San Mateo County, California United States SFO/KSFO 10,799,749 Decrease4 Increase5.1%
26. IndiaIndira Gandhi International Airport Delhi India DEL/VIDP 10,686,816 Increase5 Increase13.0%
27. United StatesCharlotte Douglas International Airport Charlotte, North Carolina United States CLT/KCLT 10,344,920 Decrease3 Increase0.1%
28. United StatesMcCarran International Airport Las Vegas, Nevada United States LAS/KLAS 10,307,039 Decrease3 Increase1.7%
29. ChinaChengdu Shuangliu International Airport Shuangliu, Chengdu, Sichuan China CTU/ZUUU 10,184,839 Increase9 Increase13.3%
30. BrazilSão Paulo-Guarulhos International Airport Guarulhos, São Paulo Brazil GRU/SBGR 9,961,379 Steady Increase1.9%

Hotels

ATLANTA’S HARTSFIELD JACKSON INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT

  • Since 1998, Hartsfield-Jackson has been the busiest passenger airport in the world.
  • Atlanta has the tallest air traffic control tower in North America (398 feet or 121 meters) and is the third tallest in the world.
  • Atlanta is within a two hour flight of 80% of the United States population.
  • Hartsfield-Jackson averages almost 250,000 passengers a day.
  • On average, there are over 1,300 daily domestic departures.
  • There are over 150 U.S. destinations with non-stop service from Atlanta.
  • The airport offers direct flights to 95 cities in 57 countries.
  • On average there are over 2,700 arrivals and departures daily, making Hartsfield-Jackson the busiest airport in the world for total movements.
  • Hartsfield-Jackson has 143,000 domestic seats available daily and 132,000 international seats available weekly.
  • The average price of a one-way domestic airline ticket is $172.

Mainline Airlines

Air Canada Continental Airlines Midwest Airlines
Air Canada Jazz Delta Airlines Northwest Airlines
Air France Frontier Airlines Spirit Airlines
AirTran Airways KLM Royal Dutch Airlines United Airlines
American Airlines Korean Air US Airways
Lufthansa German Airlines


Regional Airlines

American Connection / Chautauqua Airlines Delta Connection / SkyWest Airlines
American Connection / American Eagle United Express / Shuttle America
Delta Connection / Atlantic Southeast Airlines US Airways Express / Air Wisconsin
Delta Connection / Comair US Airway Express / Mesa Airlines
Delta Connection / Pinnacle Airlines US Airway Express / PSA
Delta Connection / Shuttle America US Airways Express / Republic Airlines


Charter Airlines

Omni Air Intternational Ryan International World Airways

 

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Source: http://atlantaangermanagement.com/ATL.htm

____________________________________________________________

¹ http://www.tripadvisor.com/Flights-o60898-From_Atlanta-Cheap_Discount_Airfares.html

² http://www.atlanta-airport.com/Airport/ATL/ATL_FactSheet.aspx

³ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_the_world’s_busiest_airports_by_passenger_traffic#2015_statistics

CONTACT

Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator
Diplomate American Association Anger Management Providers

Atlanta Anger Management
Atlanta, Georgia USA

Office Phone: 678-576-1913
Fax: 1-866-551-1253
Web: www.atlantaangermanagement.com
E-mail: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com

Linked in: http://www.linkedin.com/in/richardtayloraam

#1 Certified Anderson and Anderson™ Anger Management Provider
The Best Of The Best In Anger Management & Emotional Intelligence

Silent Treatment is Emotional Abuse By Immature Partner

What Married Couples Should Know About the Silent Treatment.

It is Abusive.

By Sheri Stritof Marriage Expert

The silent treatment doesn’t work. And it is mean spirited.

This form of emotional and verbal abuse as a manipulation tactic is also ineffective and hurts your marriage.

As well as leaving important issues in your marriage unresolved, the silent treatment may make your spouse feel worthless, unloved, hurt, confused, frustrated, angry, and unimportant.
When you sulk or pout and refuse to talk about a problem, accept an apology, or help make a decision, not only are you shutting your spouse out, you are being cruel.
Like saying “I don’t care” or “whatever” or rolling your eyes or smirking, using the silent treatment is a cop out.

  • How to Respond to the Silent Treatment
    • If your spouse denies giving you the silent treatment by saying it’s just a cooling off period or a desire for some space or time alone, point out in a respectful tone of voice that you are not a mind reader and that a need for space should be expressed prior to the period of silence and that there should be a time limit to wanting time to cool off or get your act together.
  • Silent Treatment is NOT Stonewalling.
  • Some experts recommend not acknowledging the silence or cold shoulder mode and suggest you leave your spouse alone to sulk.• Don’t respond with threats.
  • Recognize the tactic of not talking to you is a control tactic or a way of avoiding having to admit making a mistake.
  • Quit inventing ways to get your mate to speak to you.
  • Walk away.Leave them to their self inflicted misery.
  • Do something fun or interesting that you want to do.
  • But if your spouse talks to you, respond with a soft courteous voice.

What Others Have to Say About The Silent Treatment

Kipling D. Williams: “A survey of over 2,000 Americans conducted by Faulkner et al. (1997) found that 67% admitted to using the silent treatment, deliberately not speaking to a person in their presence, or a loved one. The percentage was slightly higher (75%) for those who indicated that they had been a target of the silent treatment by a loved one … They found that the silent treatment was just as likely to be used by males as females, and that it was used more often to terminate a partner’s behaviors than to elicit them.”
Source:Kipling D. Williams PhD. Ostracism: The Power of Silence. 2002. pgs. 9-10.

Gregory L. Jantz, Ann McMurray: “The silence, the loss of verbal relationship, is meant to exact an emotional toll on the other person, who often will go to great lengths to attempt to restore communication with the abuser. This level of control is precisely what the abuser is looking for, as well as a way to vent his or her anger at the other person. By not verbally expressing that anger, by ‘avoiding’ showing anger, the abuser is allowed to feel as if the victim is the only person at fault for whatever wrong is perceived by the abuser. If the victim responds to the silent treatment with anger, the abuser is doubly vindicated.”
Source: Gregory L. Jantz, PhD, Ann McMurray. Healing the Scars of Emotional Abuse. 2009. pg. 78.

Walter B. Roberts: “Silent Treatments are used to control the situation by their lack of responses. When they do nothing, others have to do all the work. The power of the Silent Treatments rests in their abilities to always be right … They maintain a position of superiority by not owning a part of a plan — if we let them get away with it …

The Trick

The trick is always to keep the Silent Treatments engaged and maybe even provide a little positive provocation to get them to respond, as a method of increasing their participation.”
Source: Walter B. Roberts Jr. Working With Parents of Bullies and Victims. 2008. pg. 75.

Sharon Anthony Bower, Gordon H. Bower: “The best way to counter the silent treatment is to assert your rights and ask for a speaking partner.”
Source: Sharon Anthony Bower, Gordon H. Bower. Asserting Your-Self: A Practical Guide for Positive Change. 1991. pg. 121.

Source: http://marriage.about.com/od/nonverbal/a/What-Married-Couples-Should-Know-About-The-Silent-Treatment.htm

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The Silent Treatment: How And Why It SCREAMS Abuse

By Cathy Meyer Divorce Support Expert

What is going on when your spouse gives you the silent treatment?

They are displaying anger and aggression and in immature way of handling marital problems and communication.

Shutting down and refusing to communicate with a spouse is an abusive way of saying, “This is all your fault, and you deal with it because I’m not going to.”

Signs

How do you know if your spouse is giving you the silent treatment?
• They refuse to speak to you.
• They leave the room when you enter.
• They talk to others around you but, not you.
• They refuse to share meals with you.
• They turn their back to you in bed.
• They don’t respond to questions when asked.
• They use the children as messengers instead of coming to you directly.

This behavior may go on for days or even weeks.

  • You live in an atmosphere that is tense and uncomfortable.
  • You second guess yourself and your words and are constantly trying to figure out a way to end the silence and get the marriage back on track.
  • You are being punished and thanks to your spouse’s silent treatment you are left to wonder what you did to earn such punishment.

Your spouse’s silent treatment is about manipulating you into getting what they want. It’s about controlling you without saying a word.
What impact does your spouse’s silent treatment have on you?

You will internalize their silence and make it about something you’ve done wrong.
Internalizing marital problems and taking responsibility for those problems with a spouse who refuses to communicate can lead to health problems, depression and anxiety.
You are constantly on guard out of fear of saying or doing the wrong thing and causing them to go silent.
The silent treatment sends the message that you and your needs are not important to the person who vowed to love and honor you. You feel dismissed!

Why is the silent treatment so damaging to the marriage and you?

  • No marriage can survive emotional assault.
  • Silent Treatment produces break up/divorce.
  • The silent abuser cannot bear real mature intimacy. It scares the hell out of them.
  • Not only is your spouse’s silent treatment abusive to you, it is abusive to the marriage.

All marriages have problems, problems don’t get solved if one party refuses to acknowledge and address those problems.

Marriage is a partnership between two mature adults.

If your spouse constantly goes silent you are living with a child who wants to be catered to and, is ill equipped to handle problems that come along with adult partnerships.

Giving someone the silent treatment is manipulation and punishment of a spouse.

The spouse who is being abused by this technique will eventually withdraw emotionally and one day give up on the marriage.

The abuser is secretly relieved. It was ‘their’ fault. They believe “I am perfect. I have no work to do on myself. Yes, it was them.” Then Repeat, next relationship same thing and over and over. One day maybe the individual wakes up. Mostly like they die alone. No one likes a person who is perfect. It is not human. Denial in abusers is the answer. They never become an adult. They defer responsibility on others. Blame is their delusional game.

Can you really stay married to such an emotional abuser when there are healthy partners wanting someone like you. An individual capable of a mature relationship with communication skills, conflict management skills and simply a loving empathetic feeling person?

Final thoughts:

Not everyone is equipped with the relationship skills needed to succeed at marriage.

The silent treatment is a distorted coping skill used by those who don’t know how to engage in an adult manner is conflict and problem solving.

They always have a reason or excuse for their behavior. My ex used to tell me that he, “Needed to cool down before talking” about a problem. The problem is, once he had “cooled down” he still refused to communicate.

Your abuser may use you as an excuse.

You may simply want to discuss an issue that they are uncomfortable with but you will be labeled as overreacting or becoming hysterical.

It isn’t about you though, it is about them and their stunted developmental patterns when it comes to lack of intimate communication.

Options

You have options, Couples can change behaviors and learn more productive relationship skills.

The Silent Treatment abuser will have to admit this is not productive and helps KILL the emotions in their partner and day by day driving them away.

Death of the relationship comes like a thief in the night.

One day the partner moves to apathy as displayed by their Silent Treatment partner.

The heart is dead. The relationship over.

Acceptance by anyone is the motivation to move on. …Never received it during the Silent Treatment abuse.

Over.

The abuser gets what they want:

No relationship involving intimacy, relationship growth.

Alone is better than that.

Accepting responsibility almost always comes too late.

All sad but true.

Want to Save Your Relationship/Marriage?

Try couple marital counseling or find a relationship coach to help the two of you begin to work together in a way that is healthy.

If, after some time you see no change in their behavior you need to decide whether or not to live with it, or divorce.

You do deserve intimacy in a marriage.

Source: http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/domesticabuse/fl/The-Silent-Treatment-How-And-Why-It-SCREAMS-Abuse.htm

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The silent but deadly treatment – sabotaging your own marriage

December 29, 2010 10:27 PM MST

There are many words and actions in heated moments within an argument that can be considered hurtful and destructive to one’s marriage relationship. Some scratch the surface of poking at the threshold of provocation; and others dig deep irreversible wounds to the soul, never to be recovered from.

But there is a trend among married couples that seems to continue to permeate grown, mature adult marriage relationships, no matter what religious preference, race or nationality, or upbringing.

It’s the act of giving what’s been coined, “The Silent Treatment,” or simply put, purposefully ignoring your spouse and withholding all forms of interactivity and conversation.

Almost all do not realize that they are in fact sabotaging their own relationship by this hurtful tactic and could even possibly dissolve the foundation to which the relationship was based on in the first place.

Many dub giving the “Silent Treatment” as a form of pure “abuse”. Also subscribed as “the worst emotional abuse known”. To that we have no reason to disagree.

Giving your spouse the silent treatment is understood as a form of punishment to the other person.

  • The clear intent is a purposeful endeavor to make the other:
  • • feel unimportant,
  • • devalued,
  • • belittled,
  • • isolated to their own self without the human contact,
  • • All in retribution and revenge because of one or more things that were said or done.

The immediate problem is… what if the hurt was not on purpose, but accidental?
To quote Abuse101.com,

“Silent treatment is a form of banishing someone from the abuser’s existence without the benefit of closure or a good bye or a chance at reconciliation.
In a word..it’s meant to torture someone you profess to love.”
(http://abuse101.com/silenttreatmentandabuse.html)

Giving someone this “Silent Treatment” is such a negative form of abuse and retribution, that even Merriam-Webster has a real definition for this coined term.

The definition states, “An act of completely ignoring a person or thing by resort to silence especially as a means of expressing contempt or disapproval.(http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/silent%20treatment)

The low-down.

Despite the fact that giving someone the “Silent Treatment” is a clear show of immaturity and spite, we would also like to bring to light a few thoughts on how this will simply affect your marriage.

Firstly, it is completely counter-productive!

The whole point in your actions when dealing with being hurt by your partner is to communicate to them how they might have hurt you so that they can realize the impact their words or actions had on you. But instead of communicating, you have destroyed that opportunity for the both of you to restore the closeness, love and overall feelings of love and friendship.

Instead of making your partner feel bad and wanting to crawl to you, you have put them in a position of now having to survive devastating hurt coming from you.
The Silent Treatment is in all levels counterproductive to the point that it can literally become a factor of separation or divorce and disillusionment of a marriage.

Secondly, it shows your partner that you cannot handle real, life problems.

It brings to mind the children in the playground that stick out their bottom lip, and stick their fingers in their ears while they loudly and obnoxiously sing, “la-la-la, I can’t hear you!”

Truth be told, giving the Silent Treatment is not an effective way to deal with real issues. Yet there are untold adults that do just that.

There are many more effective ways to deal and communicate with your partner than to give the Silent Treatment.

Just know, that when you do this, it not only deeply wounds the one you love, but also yourself and your own marriage.

It tears at the very fabric of what holds your marriage together, and gives way the opportunity for bitterness and wrath to utterly destroy your marriage.
So, when the urge comes to give the Silent Treatment, resist it.

Just make sure you do whatever it takes to move past this type of behavior.

Seek counseling for yourself.

Your self-righteousness will destroy your marriage that YOU caused.

You are the Silent Treatment Abuser.

Wake Up to Emotional Intelligence before your high IQ destroys you.

You will be right and single.

When it comes to marriage, silence is certainly not golden, communication is paramount.

Silent but deadly…not farts…You!

Choose the relationship by learning Conflict Management skills and learn to Communicate.

Silence does not work in a mature relationship called marriage.

Source: http://www.examiner.com/article/the-silent-but-deadly-treatment-sabotaging-your-own-marriage

____________________________________________

Narcissistic Personality Disorder Definition
By Mayo Clinic Staff

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism.

A narcissistic personality disorder causes problems in many areas of life, such as relationships, work, school or financial affairs.

You may be generally unhappy and disappointed when you’re not given the special favors or admiration you believe you deserve. Others may not enjoy being around you, and you may find your relationships unfulfilling.

Narcissistic personality disorder treatment is centered around talk therapy (psychotherapy).

If you have narcissistic personality disorder:

  • you may come across as conceited, boastful or pretentious.
  • You often monopolize conversations.
  • You may belittle or look down on people you perceive as inferior.
  • You may feel a sense of entitlement
  • When you don’t receive special treatment, you may become impatient or angry.
  • You may insist on having “the best” of everything — for instance, the best car, athletic club or medical care.
  • At the same time, you have trouble handling anything that may be perceived as criticism.
  • You may have secret feelings of insecurity, shame, vulnerability and humiliation.
  • To feel better, you may react with rage or contempt and try to belittle the other person to make yourself appear superior.
  • Or you may feel depressed and moody because you fall short of perfection.

 

Causes

It’s not known what causes narcissistic personality disorder. As with other mental disorders, the cause is likely complex.

  • Narcissistic personality disorder may be linked to:
    • Mismatches in parent-child relationships with either excessive pampering or excessive criticism
    • Genetics or psychobiology — the connection between the brain and behavior and thinking
    • Parenting styles that overemphasize the child’s specialness and criticize fears and failures may be partially responsible.
    • The child may hide low self-esteem by developing a superficial sense of perfection and behavior that shows a need for constant admiration.

 

Treatments and drugs – Psychotherapy

Narcissistic personality disorder treatment is centered around talk therapy, also called psychotherapy.

 

Psychotherapy can help you:

• Learn to relate better with others so your relationships are more intimate, enjoyable and rewarding

• Understand the causes of your emotions and what drives you to compete, to distrust others, and perhaps to despise yourself and others

Because personality traits can be difficult to change, therapy may take several years.

Areas of change are directed at helping you accept responsibility and learning to:
• Accept and maintain real personal relationships and collaboration with co-workers
• Recognize and accept your actual competence and potential so you can tolerate criticisms or failures
• Increase your ability to understand and regulate your feelings
• Understand and tolerate the impact of issues related to your self-esteem
• Release your desire for unattainable goals and ideal conditions and gain an acceptance of what’s attainable and what you can accomplish

Medications

There are no medications specifically used to treat narcissistic personality disorder. However, if you have symptoms of depression, anxiety or other conditions, medications such as antidepressants or anti-anxiety drugs may be helpful.

Source: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder/basics/definition/con-20025568

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Silent treatment speaks volumes about a relationship

Sharon Jayson, USA TODAY 6:03 a.m. EDT August 3, 2014

If you’re suffering in silence — or because of it — your relationship may be more endangered than you realize, according to new research that shows those whose interactions include the “silent treatment” can spell ruin for the future.

Although researchers say the cold shoulder is the most common way people deal with marital conflict, an analysis of 74 studies, based on more than 14,000 participants, shows that when one partner withdraws in silence or shuts down emotionally because of perceived demands by the other, the harm is both emotional and physical.

“The more this pattern emerges within your relationship, the greater the chances one or both partners experience heightened levels of anxiety or may use more aggressive forms of behavior,” says Paul Schrodt, a professor of communication studies at Texas Christian University in Fort Worth, who led the study published this spring in the journal Communication Monographs.

“Each partner sees the other person’s behavior as the start of a fight,” he says. “If you go to him and ask why he’s so withdrawn from his wife, it’s because ‘she’s constantly nagging me and constantly asking a million questions.’

If you ask her why she’s making demands of him, it’s because ‘he doesn’t tell me anything. I don’t get the sense he cares about our relationship.’ Each partner fails to see how their own behavior is contributing to the pattern.”

In much of the research, Schrodt says, the man tends to be more silent; but psychologist Les Parrott of Seattle says he has seen less of a breakdown along gender lines.

“I see plenty of men get demanding,” he says.

It’s that pattern, Schrodt says, that is so damaging, because it signals a serious sign of distress in the relationship. The research, which spanned from 1987 to 2011, wasn’t specifically about the silent treatment; however, the silent treatment is part of a broader pattern that extends not just to romantic relationships but to parenting styles as well, which also were part of the research, he says.

Parrott, co-author of The Good Fight: How Conflict Can Bring you Closer, a book published in April, says the silent treatment is a very difficult pattern to break because it’s such an ingrained behavior.

“We learn this strategy very early on — just as little kids — to shut somebody out as a way to punish,” Parrott says. “Many of us are prone to sulk or to pout, and that is an early form of giving somebody the silent treatment.”
Parrott, a psychology professor at Seattle Pacific University, says nothing good comes from the silent treatment because it’s “manipulative, disrespectful and not productive.”

Schrodt’s analysis found that couples who use such conflict behaviors experience lower relationship satisfaction, less intimacy and poorer communication, which is also associated with divorce.

And, he says, some of the studies found the effects were not just emotional but physiological, such as urinary, bowel or erectile dysfunction.

“Partners get locked in this pattern, largely because they each see the other as the cause,” Schrodt says. “Both partners see the other as the problem.”

Parrott and Schrodt agree being aware of the destructive pattern can help resolve it.

“Conflict is inevitable, but how you manage it can make the difference,” Parrott says.

How to break the pattern of the silent treatment

— Become aware of what’s really going on. The person making demands feels abandoned; the silent person is protecting himself. Each needs to ask: “Why am I behaving this way? How does my behavior make my partner feel?”
— Avoid character assassination. It will do more damage to label your spouse as “selfish” or “rude.”
— Use the word “I,” because the more you use “you,” the longer your squabble will last.

 

You can say something like, “This is how I feel when you stop talking to me.”
— Mutually agree to take a timeout.

 

When the cycle emerges, both partners need to cool their heads and warm their hearts before engaging.

And some people just need a bit of time to think before they speak. This in NOT Days.
— Genuinely apologize as soon as you are able.

Source: Les Parrott, psychologist at Seattle Pacific University; co-author of the 2014 book The Good Fight: How Conflict Can Bring you Closer
Source: http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2014/08/03/relationships-conflict-research/12987065/

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By: Mort Fertel, author and Founder of the Marriage Fitness System for Relationship Renewal.

In marriage, you can be right or you can be happy.

Let me explain, and let me start by sharing an email I received from a women struggling in her marriage. She wrote:

Dear Mort,

We are in week 2 of the silent treatment! It all started over something so little and ridiculous! We are both adults, old enough to know better than this! He is a judge, I am a social worker ! He won’t budge! I need help!

Jodie

Oh, the dreaded silent treatment. The big stand-off. You know it, right? Horrible, isn’t it? And it doesn’t just eat away at your marriage; it eats away at your stomach. The stress on your body and the tension in your house…it’s the WORST.

At the time, you’re committed to avoiding him/her for the rest of your life. You’ve never prayed so hard wishing that he/she won’t come into the room or that he/she would just go to bed already.

Sometimes you feel like you could explode, right? There’s so much bottled-up inside you.

And yet you let it continue. WHY?

You refuse to be the one to apologize first. You’re NOT going to break the ice this time. Why not?        Answer: Ego.

Most silent treatments start like Jodie’s started…with something “little and ridiculous.” Most couples can’t remember what the impetus was. And if they could, they’d be too embarrassed to admit that something so small blew-up into something so big.

So what are these silent treatments or stand-offs REALLY about? And how can you avoid them or end them soon after they begin?

It’s interesting that Jodie made a point to share with me that she and her husband “know better.” In other words, they’re intelligent, educated, and accomplished people. Jodie’s husband is even a judge, an expert in distinguishing between right and wrong. They know that treating each other this way doesn’t make sense. They know IT is wrong. But they also know that THEY are right.

And that’s exactly the problem.

Silent treatments ensue when both people feel they’re RIGHT. And the more intense each spouse’s conviction to their perspective, the longer the silence lasts.

And, ironically, the more intelligent and the articulate the couple, the MORE LIKELY they are to endure silence between them. Because intelligent and articulate people have confidence in their position and justification for holding their ground.

Although Jodie is surprised that her and her husband, intelligent people, could be so petty; the fact is that one reason they’re holding their silence for so long is BECAUSE they’re intelligent.

In other words, intellectual capacity and marital satisfaction can be INVERSELY related.

Let me say it another way: When it comes to your marriage, you can be right or you can be happy. But sometimes you can’t be both.

In a courtroom, a hospital, or an office , right and wrong determine success or failure. The decision to prescribe the right medicine, for example, could be the difference between life and death. The relationship between the doctor and the patient is secondary.

Being RIGHT is what matters and what is rewarded.

In marriage, being right has no value. All that matters is the relationship.

Sometimes you have to choose. Do you want to be right or do you want to be happily married?

Remember, being right in your marriage will get you NOTHING.

Just because you’re right/wrong paradigm works at the office doesn’t mean that you should bring it home. “He who is a hammer thinks everything is a nail.”

Some things work perfectly in one area of life and fail terribly in another.

In marriage, you have to be like a carpenter and know which tool to use.

The right/wrong mode is the WRONG tool to use in your marriage.

The more you insist on being RIGHT, the more you will be miserable in your marriage. Don’t go for RIGHT; go for LOVE.

Jodie expects that because she and her husband are “intelligent,” they shouldn’t find themselves in these petty stalemates. But just because Jodie and her husband have a high

IQ, doesn’t mean they have a high EQ.

IQ is a measure of your INTELLECTUAL intelligence. The higher your IQ, the better your ability to process information and determine what’s “right.”

EQ is a measure of your EMOTIONAL intelligence. The higher your EQ, the better your ability to connect with people and succeed in relationships.

Just as some athletes are strong but not fast, so too many people have a high IQ but a low EQ.

Bottom line: Intelligence, in the way Jodie means it, has little bearing on her and her husband’s ability to succeed in their marriage. In fact, a high IQ coupled with a low EQ can be a disastrous combination for a marriage.

The good news, however, is that EQ can be developed.

Here’s one way to begin to develop your EQ and improve the quality of your relationship.

The first step is to redefine what it means to be RIGHT.

Most people think of right and wrong as black and white. And our experience at work usually reinforces this understanding. After all, there can only be one verdict, one prescription, and one marketing plan. In other words, if I’m right then unless you agree with me you are wrong.

But there is a TRUTH which transcends right and wrong.

What do you see?

The picture you’re looking at is a picture of BOTH a profile of two people and a wine glass. But YOU can only see one at a time. It’s optically impossible for you to see both images at the same time. HOWEVER, they are BOTH there.

face

What do you see?

One person sees a profile. Your partner sees a frontal view. Whose right?

Right and wrong is an emotionally immature way to view most things in the context of marriage.

 

TRUTH has more than one perspective.

 

Your ability to see the truth from your spouse’s perspective is crucial for the success of your relationship. Can you “Human-Up” and see your partner’s point of view. Nope, did not think so. You are an idiot.

How did that feel? Make you mad? Are you triggered so easily. I rest my case.

And I don’t mean that you should see things from your spouse’s perspective as a manipulative strategy for finding compromise or out of pity toward your spouse.

You need to see your spouse’s perspective so YOU can come to a more complete understanding of TRUTH. If you’re only a profile, then you’re not seeing the whole picture. Your spouse is your ticket to you having a greater understanding.

Silent treatments are usually the result of spouses having too narrow a view of the truth. Just because you’re right doesn’t mean your spouse is not right ALSO.

Next time you’re at a stand-off with your spouse, ask them to explain their perspective.

And you don’t have to get defensive.

Do not stonewall.

Do no do The Silent Treatment. Grow up.

You don’t have to compromise your position in order to acknowledge theirs.

The chances are good that you are BOTH right. Two smart ass people.

And when you appreciate their perspective, you’ll be a better person and the silence will end.

When it comes to your marriage, it’s better to be happy than right. That’s the TRUTH as I see it. But, hey, I’m open to your perspective.

CONTACT:

Couple Conflict Management Sessions:

Stress Management:

EQ Development

Emotional Intelligence EQ-i 2.0 Assessment to measure your current EQ strengths and weaknesses.

Anger Management

Assertion Training

Director Richard Taylor

Director Richard Taylor

Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator
Diplomate American Association Anger Management Providers

Atlanta Anger Management
5555 Glenridge Connector
Suite 200 (2nd Floor)
Atlanta, Georgia 30342 USA

Office Phone: 678-576-1913
Fax: 1-866-551-1253
Web: www.atlantaangermanagement.com
E-mail: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com

Linked in: http://www.linkedin.com/in/richardtayloraam

#1 Certified Anderson and Anderson™ Anger Management Provider
The Best Of The Best In Anger Management & Emotional Intelligence

Father’s Day Drama – Focus On The Positives

Father’s Day Drama – Focus On The Positives

With a large percentage of multiple parent families¹ these days being civil to all involved can be an exercise in restraint, taking the higher road, control of impulses and  using emotional intelligence.

Lesson today: Focus on Positives and being Kind.

Case Study: This weeks Father Day’s Aftermath News…

Denise Richards Had The Best Response To Charlie Sheen’s Angry Father’s Day Tweets

Charlie Sheen showed that he can still totally shock people when he took to Twitter during Father’s Day yesterday, targeting ex-wife Denise Richards and branding her ‘the worst mum alive’.

Luckily, Denise was taught to kill such nasty comments with kindness, and responded on her own Twitter in the best way possible.

Charlie, 49, went on something of a vile Twitter rant on Sunday, taking aim at his 44-year-old ex-wife (and the mother of two of his kids, 11-year-old Sam and 10-year-old Lola), writing: “Brooke M is a sexy rok star whom I adore D Richards a heretic washed up piglet Shame pile Happy Father’s Day!!! [sic]”

Brooke M most likely refers to Brooke Mueller, his third ex-wife and the mother of his twin sons Bob and Max, who were once in Denise’s custody.

He wasn’t done there though, continuing on to add: “Cadre: On FD; Father’s Rights! I INSIST we devour the mendacity of these “kidnapping” D Richards “types” & bring justice to “us,”.“

He later seemed to clear up what he was referring to (sort of) in a “open letter to the media,” in which he hints that his anger stems from a conflict over money. Possibly.

The letter starts by saying: “Denise Richards is a shake down piece of s**t doosh phace & worst mom alive!”

The whole Twitlonger is removed along with his other tweets deleted.

Denise Response:
Happy Dad’s Day! @charliesheen have a great trip in Mexico! Kids were disappointed u weren’t here for it- Hey we’ll celebrate when u r back!

However, rather than fighting fire with fire, Denise had THE classiest response to the rant, tweeting simply to wish Charlie a Happy Father’s Day.

She wrote: “Happy Dad’s Day! @charliesheen have a great trip in Mexico! Kids were disappointed u weren’t here for it- Hey we’ll celebrate when u r back!”

Kill them with kindness, babes.

And Happy Fathers Day to all the dads including my own dad Irv! Best dad ever & an amazing Grandpa!

Yup ain’t that the truth https://t.co/5SZyosCvat

She later tweeted another message to all the other amazing dads in the world, before retweeting a Twitter user’s inspirational message about not letting negativity get you down.

YAAAAAS

Other Twitter users were ready to show the actress a ton of support following her message, with Louise Mensch writing: “classy and classic burn, sis.”

Source: http://rachelannepilcher.tumblr.com/post/122156541802/denise-richards-had-the-best-response-to-charlie

_____________________________________________________________

ADVICE: If you cannot control your impulses you should not use Social Media. See first Episode of HBO “Ballers” starring Dwayne Johnson on Sunday nights. Advice he gives to one of the characters who destroys his career with impulse control issues.

Denise Richards teaches us to focus on the Positives and being Kind. You cannot control another but you can CHOOSE to control yourself. As I say, “Another’s person’s chaos is theirs, not yours.” Remain neutral and do not get sucked in.” It is called maintaining your boundaries.

Anger Management awareness has increased since the first movie “Anger Management”
and Charlie’s Sheen’s TV series “Anger Management”. Those of us who coach Anger Management appreciate this increased awareness. There is a real need for true research based Anger Management practices to help people control their emotions.

Director/Owner Richard Taylor of Atlanta Anger Management seeks to help people.

Anger Is An Emotion

DO I NEED ANGER MANAGEMENT?

Answer YES to any of these and you need help managing your anger or rage so you do not destroy your life.

ANGER IS A PROBLEM:

• When it occurs too frequently
• When it is too intense
• When it lasts too long for days
• When it leads to health issues – heart disease, GI issues, stress attacks and anxiety
• When it destroys relationships: personal life, at work and expressed in public
• When it results in person-directed aggression: verbal abuse or physical abuse

  • Blow up with little provocation
  • Yell when you are angry
  • Curse when you are angry
  • Damage property
  • Hurt yourself when angry
  • Hit or slap others when angry
  • Humiliate others
  • Poor loser
  • Always have to be right
  • Your siblings are angry people
  • Family relationships are no longer pursued
  • I like being alone
  • I dream of being alone
  • I use work so you do not have to deal with your partner
  • I never rest, I feel I have to be busy all the time
  • I am a perfectionist
  • Low Frustration Tolerance
  • Extremely fast to express yourself without any thought of outcome
  • I find little pleasure in simple things anymore
  • I drink to mask my discomfort; to “feel better”
  • I smoke pot to “feel better”
  • Intimate relationships have always been very volatile
  • I prefer to isolate myself from others
  • I like long distant relationship to enjoy my freedom
  • I like long distant relationship to prevent deep intimacy ties
  • I prefer to not feel
  • I get angry while driving
  • I get angry while playing sports
  • I am a angry golfer
  • I have difficulty accepting criticism
  • I get defensive in conversations
  • I am inattentive while listening
  • I am impatient while listening
  • I prefer to talk rather than listen
  • I interupt every conversation
  • I redirect conversation to my talking points
  • I like to give advice to everyone
  • I like to be right
  • I like pain so hurt myself
  • I have violent dreams often
  • I have violent day dreams or fantasies often
  • I think about “pay backs” and getting even often
  • I think about shooting someone often
  • I feel trapped by my life
  • Life sucks then you die
  • I watch hours of TV to pass the time
  • I sleep all the time
  • Conversations become debates or arguments frequently
  • I end relationships often
  • I can’t keep a job
  • I move a lot
  • I do not maintain family ties
  • I admit I am angry
  • People tell me I need anger management

 

Call Richard Taylor at 678.576.1913 for help.

COUPLE CONFLICT MANAGEMENT HELP

TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS

25 Ways to Tell if Your Relationship is Toxic

  1) Your partner puts you down verbally, in private or in front of others.
2)
Your partner tells you he/she loves you but behavior shows otherwise.
3)
Your partner doesn’t want you to see or talk to friends or family.
4)
Your partner is jealous of the time you spend with your kids.
5)
Your partner shows up often at your work unexpectedly or opens your mail.
6)
Your partner calls you often to see what you are doing.
7)
You cry often or feel depressed over your relationship.
8)
Your partner says you would have the perfect relationship if only you would change.
9)
Your partner wants you to be dependent on him.
10)
Your partner does things for you and then uses them to make you feel obligated.
11)
Your thoughts, opinions, accomplishments, or words are devalued.
12)
You don’t know who you are anymore without him/her, or how you would survive.
13)
Your friends/family don’t like your partner or don’t think he is good for you.
14)
You have changed things about yourself to suit your partner, even when it is not your taste.
15)
You always go where your partner wants to, like movies, restaurants, etc.
16)
Your partner has made you feel afraid or unsafe, and you have been afraid to speak the truth at times for fear of upsetting him/her (walking on eggshells).
17)
You don’t feel you have control of your life anymore.
18)
Your self-esteem is lower since you’ve been with your partner.
19)
You think it’s up to you to make the relationship work.
20)
You keep secrets about your relationship from others who love you because they wouldn’t understand.
21)
Your partner makes you feel unattractive or stupid.
22)
Your partner accuses you of cheating and is overly jealous.
23)
Your partner can be really sweet to you one minute, and really mean the next.
24)
Your partner seems really sweet/loving to you when he/she thinks you are about to leave the relationship, or after he/she has been mean to you.
25)
You can’t remember the last time you felt happy for more than a few days straight.  

Many people are in relationships that are unhealthy.

When a person is in the middle of this relationship, it is often difficult to see how detrimental the relationship is to his or her self-esteem. Others may tell you that your partner is not “good for you” or that they can’t understand “why you don’t leave.”

Your partner may be a good provider, a good father, and at times, loving and kind to you. However, there are other times when you are left feeling alone, afraid, or upset and don’t understand what is going on.

Dr. Lillian Glass, author of Toxic People, describes a toxic person as “anyone who manages to drag you down, make you feel angry, worn out, deflated, belittled or confused.” It may be difficult for people to admit they are in a toxic relationship, because they are intelligent, self-sufficient individuals in other aspects of their lives. Most people in toxic relationships, however, have the sense that something is just not right.

By Kathy Reed O’Gorman

If you need help with your relationship, talk to a friend or family member, a clergyman, an anger management provider.

Call Richard Taylor at 678.576.1913 at Atlanta Anger Management to set up appointment.

If you are in danger, help is available at The National Domestic Violence Hotline, (800) 799-SAFE, where someone can put you in touch with battered women’s shelters and other resources. Remember, no one can take care of you as well as YOU can. Get the help you need.

More resources

http://www.newliving.com/issues/dec_2003/articles/toxic%20relationships.html http://www.gerzon.com/resources/getting_out.html

2010 © Associated Content, All rights reserved.

 

Takeaways

You don’t have to be physical abused to be in an unhealthy relationship.

Some relationships are toxic, so unhealthy they can seriously affect one’s self-esteem.

Toxic partners can be very loving and giving at times.

Call Richard Taylor owner and chief facilitator at 678.576.1913 for immediate help and start getting on the right track for better living.

Richard’s one of a kind sense of humor will help you lighten up.

Anger Management is not counseling. It is education based and actually enjoyable.

Attend individually, and/or as a couple.

Use Private Sessions or Anger Management Classes.

What Is Anger Management?

Call right now and make a change. Anger does not go away on it’s own as you know.


Call Richard Taylor at 678.576.1913

REMINDER: Focus on Positives, practice kindness, attitude of gratitude, acceptance,
move from a reactive impulse driven emotional style to a choice based slower neutral or nice response style. This is Anger Management/Emotional Intelligence development!

CONTACT:

Richard TaylorDirector Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator
Diplomate American Association Anger Management Providers

Atlanta Anger Management
5555 Glenridge Connector
Suite 200 (2nd Floor)
Atlanta, Georgia 30342 USA

Office Phone: 678-576-1913
Fax: 1-866-551-1253
Web: www.atlantaangermanagement.com
E-mail: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com

Linked in:http://www.linkedin.com/in/richardtayloraam

#1 in Atlanta, Certified Anderson and Anderson™ Anger Management Provider
The Best Of The Best In Anger Management & Emotional Intelligence

________________________________________________
References
¹ Less than half (46%) of U.S. kids younger than 18 years of age are living in a home with two married heterosexual parents in their first marriage. This is a marked change from 1960, when 73% of children fit this description, and 1980, when 61% did, according to a Pew Research Center analysis of recently-released American Community Survey (ACS) and Decennial Census data.
http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2014/12/22/less-than-half-of-u-s-kids-today-live-in-a-traditional-family/

Vegetable Oils Are Toxic – STOP

 

 

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6 Reasons Why Vegetable Oils Are Toxic
By Kris Gunnars

“I am personally convinced that vegetable oils (along with added sugars and refined wheat) are key players in the epidemics of chronic, Western diseases, which are currently the biggest health problems in the world.
Take Home Message
If you want to be healthy, feel good and lower your risk of serious diseases, then you should avoid vegetable oils as if your life depended on it (it does).

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FAST TIP:
Good Oils: Organic Extra Virgin Olive Oil not heated, Avocado Oil for cooking high heat, and Organic Extra Virgin Coconut Oil for smoothies, cooking. Use all sparingly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Many people perceive vegetable oils as healthy.
Maybe it’s because they have the word “vegetable” in them.
I mean… vegetables are good for you, right? So vegetable oil must be too…

Even the mainstream nutrition organizations recommend that we eat them, because according to them, unsaturated fats are much healthier than saturated fats.

However, many studies have now demonstrated that these oils can cause serious harm (1).
The composition of the fatty acids in them is different than anything we were ever exposed to throughout evolution.

This is leading to physiological changes within our bodies and contributing to multiple diseases.

hhjak of pixabay  Used With permission.

hhjak of pixabay
Used With Permission.

6 reasons why vegetable oils are downright toxic.

1. Vegetable Oils are Very “Unnatural” in Large Amounts
In this article, I’m referring to processed seed oils like soybean oil, sunflower oil, corn oil, canola oil, cottonseed oil, safflower oil and a few others.
Even though they aren’t really vegetables, these oils are commonly referred to as “vegetable oils.”
These oils contain very large amounts of biologically active fats called Omega-6 polyunsaturated fatty acids, which are harmful in excess.
This does NOT apply to healthy plant oils like olive oil or coconut oil, which are extremely good for you.
Humans have been evolving for a very long time, but industrial food processing is brand new. We didn’t start producing vegetable oils until about a hundred years ago.
Between the years 1909 and 1999, the consumption of soybean oil increased more than a thousandfold and now supplies about 7% of calories in the U.S. diet (2).

Take a look at this video to see how commercial canola oil is made:
This processing method is really disgusting and involves pressing, heating, various industrial chemicals and highly toxic solvents. Other vegetable oils are processed in a similar manner.

It baffles me that anyone would think this stuff is fit for human consumption.
If you choose healthier brands that have been cold pressed (lower yield and therefore more expensive) then the processing method will be much less disgusting, but there is still the problem of excess Omega-6 fats.

Bottom Line: Humans were never exposed to these oils until very recently on an evolutionary scale, because we didn’t have the technology to process them.

2. Vegetable Oils Mess up The Fatty Acid Composition of The Body’s Cells
There are two types of fatty acids that are termed “essential” – because the body can’t produce them.

These are the Omega-3 and Omega-6 fatty acids.

It is absolutely essential for the human body to get these fatty acids from the diet, but it must get them in a certain balance.
While humans were evolving, our Omega-6:Omega-3 ratio may have been around 4:1 to 1:2. Today, our ratio is as high as 16:1 on average, with great variation between individuals (3).

These fatty acids aren’t just inert structural molecules or fuel for the cell’s mitochondria, they serve vital functions related to processes known to affect various systems like the immune system (4).

When the balance of Omega-6s and Omega-3s in the cell is off, things can start to go terribly wrong.

Another problem is the relative unsaturation of these fatty acids. Polyunsaturated fats have two or more double bounds, while monounsaturated fats have one and saturated fats have no double bonds.

The more double bonds in a fatty acid, the more reactive it is. Polyunsaturated fatstend to react with oxygen, which can cause chain reactions, damaging other structures and perhaps even vital structures like DNA (5, 6).

These fatty acids tend to sit in the cell membranes, increasing harmful oxidative chain reactions.

Our body fat stores of Linoleic Acid (the most common Omega-6 fat) have increased 3-fold in the past 50 years.
That’s right, excessive consumption of vegetable oils leads to actual structural changes within our fat stores and our cell membranes.
I don’t know about you, but I find that to be a pretty scary thought.

Bottom Line: Omega-6 and Omega-3 fatty acids are biologically active and humans need to eat them in a certain balance to function optimally. Excess Omega-6s in our cell membranes are prone to harmful chain reactions.

 

3. Vegetable Oils Contribute to Inflammation
Omega-3 and Omega-6 fatty acids are used to make substances called eicosanoids in the body.

These are modified fatty acids that sit in the cell membranes.

There, they play a crucial role in bodily functions like cellular messaging, immunity and inflammation.

If you’ve ever taken aspirin or ibuprofen and noticed relief from headache or some kind of pain, then that’s because these drugs inhibit the eicosanoid pathways and reduce inflammation.

Whereas acute inflammation is good and helps your body heal from damage (such as when you step on a lego), having chronic, systemic inflammation all over your body is very bad.
Generally speaking, eicosanoids made from Omega-6s are pro-inflammatory, while those made from Omega-3s are anti-inflammatory (7).

These different fatty acids compete with each other. The more Omega-6 you have, the more Omega-3 you need. The less Omega-6 you have, the less Omega-3 you need (8).
Having high Omega-6 AND low Omega-3 is a recipe for disaster, but this is the case for people eating a Western diet.

Put simply, a diet that is high in Omega-6 but low in Omega-3 contributes to inflammation. A diet that has balanced amounts of both Omega-6 and Omega-3 reduces inflammation (9).

It is now believed that increased inflammation can contribute to various serious diseases, including cardiovascular disease, arthritis, depression and even cancer.

Bottom Line: Eicosanoids, signaling molecules made from Omega-6 and Omega-3 fats, are crucial in regulating inflammation in the body. The more Omega-6s you eat, the more systemic inflammation you will have.

4. Vegetable Oils Are Loaded With Trans Fats
Trans fats are unsaturated fats that are modified to be solid at room temperature.

These fats are highly toxic and are associated with an increased risk of various diseases, like heart disease, cancer, diabetes and obesity (10, 11, 12).

They are so bad that even the governments around the world have started taking action, setting laws that command food manufacturers to reduce the trans fat content of their foods.

However, a little known fact is that vegetable oils often contain massive amounts of trans fats.

In one study that looked at soybean and canola oils found on store shelves in the U.S., about 0.56% to 4.2% of the fatty acids in them were toxic trans fats (13).

If you want to reduce your exposure to trans fats (you should) then it’s not enough to avoid common trans fat sources like cookies and processed baked goods, you also need to avoid vegetable oils.

Bottom Line: Trans fats are highly toxic and associated with multiple diseases. Soybean and canola oils commonly sold in the U.S. contain very large amounts of trans fats.

5. Vegetable Oils Can Dramatically Raise Your Risk of Cardiovascular Disease
Cardiovascular disease is the most common cause of death in the world (14).

Whereas saturated fats were once considered to be key players, newer studies prove that they areharmless (15, 16).

Now the attention is increasingly being turned to vegetable oils.

Multiple randomized controlled trials have examined the effects that vegetable oils can have on cardiovascular disease.

3 studies have found a drastically increased risk (17, 18, 19), while 4 found no statistically significant effect (20, 21, 22, 23).

Only one study found a protective effect, but this study had a number of flaws (24).

If you look at observational studies, you find a very strong correlation.
This graph is from one study where the Omega-6 content of blood was plotted against the risk of death from cardiovascular disease (25):

 

You can see the U.S. sitting there at the top right, with the most Omega-6 AND the greatest risk of death from cardiovascular disease.

Even though this study only shows a correlation, it makes perfect sense given that inflammation is a known contributor to these diseases.

I’d like to point out that there are some studies showing that polyunsaturated fats reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease. But the problem is that they don’t make the distinction between Omega-3s and Omega-6s, which is absolutely crucial.

When they do, they see that Omega-6s actually increase the risk, while Omega-3s have a protective effect (26).

Bottom Line: There is evidence from both randomized controlled trials and observational studies that vegetable oils can increase the risk of cardiovascular disease.

6. Vegetable Oil Consumption is Associated With Various Other Diseases
Because polyunsaturated fats are so tightly involved in the function of the body on a molecular level, it makes sense that they could affect other diseases as well.

Many of these association aren’t well studied in humans (yet), but there are both observational studies and animal studies linking vegetable oils to other serious diseases:

• In one study, increased Omega-6 in breast milk was associated with asthma and eczema in young children (27).

• Studies in both animals and humans have linked increased Omega-6 intake to cancer (28, 29).

• One study shows a very strong correlation between vegetable oil consumption and homicide rates (30).

• The Omega-6:Omega-3 ratio in blood has been found to be strongly associated with the risk of severe depression (31).

This is just the tip of the iceberg. Inflammation, and therefore vegetable oil consumption, is associated with a wide range of serious diseases and it is beyond the scope of this article to cover all of them.

I am personally convinced that vegetable oils (along with added sugars and refined wheat) are key players in the epidemics of chronic, Western diseases, which are currently the biggest health problems in the world.

Take Home Message
If you want to be healthy, feel good and lower your risk of serious diseases, then you should avoid vegetable oils as if your life depended on it (it does).

© 2012-2015 Authority Nutrition. All rights reserved.
AuthorityNutrition.com does not provide medical advice, treatment or diagnosis.

SOURCE: http://authoritynutrition.com/6-reasons-why-vegetable-oils-are-toxic/

DISCLAIMER: Richard Taylor does not provide medical advice, treatment or diagnosis.
Consult your Holistic Integrated Medicine Practitioner for health concerns.
ATLANTA ANGER MANAGEMENT : Public Service Announcement.

Turning Towards Your Partner – Worksheet USE IT!

Turning Towards Your Partner* – Worksheet      USE IT!

1. A kiss before he/she dashes out the door. Your partner may be in a frenetic rush to work, but one never knows when you may never see your partner again. Embrace the moment and express your love ALWAYS, even if you had a argument.  A kiss, a hug…say “I love You! Have a good day/trip/have fun,” something!

2. Refusing to let your clothes wrinkle in the dryer. When you don’t hear its ending cycle buzz, know your partner answers the call, and chooses to be proactive folding the clothes before those iron-resistant creases can set in.

3. Pulling the blanket over a bare shoulder. You’ve crashed on the couch, uncovered—but your partner comes to the rescue with a blanket so that you won’t awake shivering in the cold.

4. You could use your partner’s first name, but instead use a nickname or pet name instead.

5. Displays Of Affection. Check! Whether you’re strolling side by side on a sidewalk, walking through a crowded venue, or hunkered down on the couch, choose to hold hands, touch, displays of affection.

6. Texting midday just to say hello.  Send a simple check-in message, read the subtext of the text: It’s always “I was thinking of you.” Leave a Post It Note®  “I love you!”  ” I want you!”

7. Whip out a candle at dinnertime. Even leftovers devoured on the sofa are made romantic when your partner adds a little candlelight action to the coffee table. Display one flower. Nice.

8. Keeping notes. You may not have the memory of an elephant, but because you want to remember things, write it down. Take a picture. Make a voice note on your phone.

9. Celebrating the small stuff. Life is made of Moments, make each day a day to be grateful for the gift of life, for the small “wins”, the little something that stands out noticed. Share that!

10. “Remember that one time?” Remember the good times, the funny times, the times when everything was great! Show your romantic side by regularly reminiscing about these times.

11. Create joy by adopting a positive more fun attitude. Work on adding humor and laughter in your lives. “A day without laughter is a day wasted.” Buy a joke book and read to each other. Find funny people to become friends with. Ditch negative folks….or minimize your exposure to them. Choose to be UP, not down. Choose to try to be kind to your partner.

What are you going to do?

Name Name
1.2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

1.2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

 

* Gottman Method – Sound Relationship House

Turning towards your partner builds up “Your Bank Account Of LOVE”. Positivity. Couples who have life long relationships build up, not tear down. Turning towards Today.

 

The saying goes…”Random Acts Of Kindness.”

https://www.randomactsofkindness.org/inspirational-kindness-quotes

 

Couples Workshop: 

Couple Private Sessions

For Help Contact:

Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator
Certified MHS Emotional Intelligence EQ-i 2.0 Provider
Diplomate American Association Anger Management Providers

Richard Taylor

Atlanta Anger Management
5555 Glenridge Connector
Suite 200 (2nd Floor)
Atlanta, Georgia 30342 USA

Office Phone: 678-576-1913
Fax: 1-866-551-1253
Web: www.atlantaangermanagement.com
E-mail: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com

Linked in:http://www.linkedin.com/in/richardtayloraam

#1 Certified Anderson and Anderson™ Anger Management Provider
The Best Of The Best In Anger, Emotional Intelligence, Stress, Communication, Couples

EQi-2.0 Certified - Richard Taylor

Couples Conflict Management Intensive

Couples Conflict Management Intensive

Couples Conflict Management Intensive In Atlanta, GA

” Save Your Relationship Workshop “

Couples in Conflict Intensive Workshop Course To End Conflict And Smell The Roses

Director Richard Taylor of Atlanta Anger Management is offering an Intensive For Couples Wanting To Enhance Their Relationship; For those couples who are having trouble in their relationship. If Anger seems to be an overriding emotions that comes up too frequently and too intensely lately, too many arguments, discord ever present, this is for you.

NOTE: RICHARD ONLY OFFERS THIS 2x A YEAR.

Couples Conflict Management Workshop

 

 

 

 

 

 

Image courtesy of smarnad at FreeDigitalPhotos.net 

 

FOR:

Couples In Trouble

Relationships where Anger, Depression, Being Stuck, Broken Trust, Broken Promises Exist

Break up or Divorce seems likely

SEEKING:

Creative Partners Invested In Change To Empower Your Relationship.

Important Note: This is not COUNSELING. This is Educational Based Coaching.

WHEN:

Friday Night “Date” Night – July 10, 24 August 7, 14 Four Sessions 6:30PM – 8:00PM

COUPLE COST:

Early Bird Sign-up $240.00 USD – Sign up by June 17
Discount $280.00 – Sign up by July 5
Regular Pricing $360.00 – Sign Up after July 5 12:00AM

Pre-Pay To Reserve Your Two Seats. 3 Couples Only. Total 6 People. Non Refundable.

WE WILL BE LEARNING:

Core Life Skills in the following domains:

• Emotional Intelligence:
self-awareness & self-control, social-awareness and relationship management
• Anger Awareness – ABCDs Of Anger
• Assessments in: Identying Your Trippgers, Passive Anger Behaviors, Aggressive Behaviors, Cognitive Distortions or Assumptions
• Anger Management
• Improved Communication through Assertion Training & Active Listening
• Relationship Management
• Conflict Styles
• Learning to Respond To Another Person’s Anger
• Optimism and Gratitude
• Empathy and Compassion
• Fighting Fair
• Proper Time Outs
• Stop Arguing
• Learning to turn Aggressive Anger into Respectful Anger
• Learning to Live In The Present Moment
• Letting Go Of Past Hurts
• Become Best Friends Again
• Manage Conflict
• Create Shared Meaning
• Create Bucket List Of Dreams & Possibilities
• You are what you consume, Nutrition, Stress, Media

• Time For Couple to Have a Meaningful Private Conversation

WHAT TO EXPECT: Rapid Change And Improvement In Your Relationship.
FORMAT: 1.5 Hour Couple Conflict Intensive Sessions with 3 Couples with 4 Meetups All Commited To Change July 10, 24 and August 7, 14
WHEN:

Friday Night “Date” Night – July 10, 24 August 7, 14 Four Sessions 6:30PM – 8:00PM

No Babies, No Children as they will distract you/others

A Total of Six Hours of Growth and Change

PrePay above to Reserve Your Seat.

NOTE: RICHARD ONLY OFFERS THIS 2X A YEAR.

Call Richard Taylor 678.576.1913 to discuss if you have questions.

INCLUDED:

After the Intensive, each couple will have a free follow up 1 Hour Private Session four weeks later With Richard Taylor.

Take Away For Free: Free workbook of Couple Conflict Intensive for Future Reference

TERMS: Non Refundable
Please plan to attend 4 Consecutive 1.5 Hour Couple Sessions

No Make Up Sessions
If you cancel at last minute you agree to forfeit 90% of paid amount. The remaining 10% will be refunded with 5-7 business days

All USD funds are non refundable. Only Book if you really plan to attend.

In all 6 hours of learning new principles and life skills to steer a new course towards
growing, breaking loose of codependency, becoming best friends again, learning to let go and truly get on with better happier living.

Call Richard at 678-576-1913 for more information or with questions.

WHO SHOULD ATTEND:

DO I NEED ANGER MANAGEMENT HELP?

Any of these currently at work in your relationship?

–>Criticism –> Defensiveness –> Contempt –> Withdrawal

–>Days pass with no happiness and joy

–>Harsh words exchanged daily

–>Name Calling and Blaming a way of life

–>Life’s Passion is gone, just existing is our daily duty

–>Stuck. Destructive patterns exchanged frequently

–>At least one partner never forgets anything and continually revisits them.

–>You hear yourself say: “Our relationship is messed up!”

–>”Oh x#%!, Here we go again!”

1) Your partner puts you down verbally, in private or in front of others.
2) Your partner tells you he/she loves you but behavior shows otherwise.
3) Your partner doesn’t’t want you to see or talk to friends or family.
4) Your partner is jealous of the time you spend with your kids.
5) Your partner shows up often at your work unexpectedly or opens your mail.
6) Your partner calls you often to see what you are doing.
7) You cry often or feel depressed over your relationship.
8) Your partner says you would have the perfect relationship if only you would change.
9) Your partner wants you to be dependent on him.
10) Your partner does things for you and then uses them to make you feel obligated.
11) Your thoughts, opinions, accomplishments, or words are devalued.
12) You don’t know who you are anymore without him/her, or how you would survive.
13) Your friends/family don’t like your partner or don’t think he is good for you.
14) You have changed things about yourself to suit your partner, even when it is not your taste.
15) You always go where your partner wants to, like movies, restaurants, etc.
16) Your partner has made you feel afraid or unsafe, and you have been afraid to speak the truth at times for fear of upsetting him/her (walking on eggshells).
17) You don’t feel you have control of your life anymore.
18) Your self-esteem is lower since you’ve been with your partner.
19) You think it’s up to you to make the relationship work.
20) You keep secrets about your relationship from others who love you because they wouldn’t understand.
21) Your partner makes you feel unattractive or stupid.
22) Your partner accuses you of cheating and is overly jealous.
23) Your partner can be really sweet to you one minute, and really mean the next.
24) Your partner seems really sweet/loving to you when he/she thinks you are about to leave the relationship, or after he/she has been mean to you.
25) You can’t remember the last time you felt happy for more than a few days straight.
DRESS: Casual
BRING: Snacks, Bottle Drinks if you want.
ENVIRONMENT: Inside Corporate Building

Complimentary Refreshments: Designer Coffees, Hot Tea, Hot Chocolate, Cappuccino, Filtered Water
Purists: Bring your own, bring your own snacks.
Free workbook of Couple Conflict Intensive for Future Reference

There will be break-out time for couples to work alone on their issues, private discussion
and try some of the new ways to be in a relationship.

This is an experience to immerse yourselves into.

Creative Partners Invested In Change To Empower Your Relationship.

WHAT TO EXPECT: Rapid Change And Improvement In Your Relationship.

CONTACT:
Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator
Diplomate of the AAAMP

Atlanta Anger Management
5555 Glenridge Connector
Suite 200 (2nd Floor)
Atlanta, Georgia 30342 USA

Phone: 678-576-1913
Fax: 1-866-551-1253
Web: www.atlantaangermanagement.com
E-mail: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com

Couples Conflict Management, Intensive, Workshop, Anger Management For Couples, Angry Couples Workshop, Atlanta, Conflict Resolution, Couples In Conflict, Couples Conflict Resolution, Couples Counseling, Friday Night, Retreat, Couples Heal Relationship, Couples Retreat, Couples Course, Creating A Healthy Relationship, Emotion Control For Couples, Relationship Counseling for Anger, Save My Relationship, Troubled Relationship Help, Relationship Management, Anger Management, Save My Relationshi

ARGUMENT TIP WHEN STUCK OR EMOTIONS RUN HIGH

ARGUMENT TIP WHEN STUCK OR EMOTIONS RUN HIGH

Continuing from yesterday Post on RESPECTING PARTNER’S PERSONAL “SPACE”

When emotions continue to run high when having a discussion or argument and cannot be resolved (STUCK) then it time time to use PROBLEM SOLVING.

Problem-Solving: Use when stuck or emotions run high.
1. Define The Problem – Write out on paper.
2. Generate Solutions (Brainstorming- no idea is dismissed) Pen to paper.
3. Make a Decision – Synergize (combine ideas) and choose action to take. Document. Pen to paper.
4. Implement Decision – Assign action steps, responsibilities and deadline for completion. Pen to paper.
5. Evaluate Outcome – Important. Set Date. If necessary follow up with corrections, further plans. You may need to revisit any of above steps or if nothing works come see me.

– Richard Taylor Of Atlanta Anger Management at 678.576.1913
If you are still angry perhaps postpone a day or two… and then come back to issues.

CONTACT:

Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator
Diplomate American Association Anger Management Providers

Atlanta Anger Management 
5555 Glenridge Connector
Suite 200 (2nd Floor)
Atlanta, Georgia 30342 USA

Office Phone: 678-576-1913
Fax: 1-866-551-1253
Web: www.atlantaangermanagement.com
E-mail: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com

Linked in:http://www.linkedin.com/in/richardtayloraam

Atlanta’s #1 Oldest Certified Anderson and Anderson™ Anger Management Provider
The Best Of The Best In Anger Management & Emotional Intelligence 

RESPECTING PARTNER’S PERSONAL “SPACE”

RESPECTING YOUR PARTNER “SPACE”

Every week I see clients who volunteer to work with me in Private Sessions
to resolve conflict and anger in their personal relationships.

Couples Conflict composes about 80% of my work. Helping one or both present to create new relationship patterns replacing old ones that are not working.

This post is about respecting your partner’s personal “space” that is often requested but not honored. Almost always this comes up in the Session.

Imagine: You are beginning to argue as usual (lately more than ever) and one person gets emotionally charged by the discussion and your partner withdraws as they do not want to continue to argue. They FLEE and you chase them around your house or apartment to continue the argument. They sometimes lock themselves in a room and you find yourself banging on the door shouting at them. “Come on! We need to discuss this NOW!”

Their disengagement really triggers you into an aggressive anger mode. We say that AVOIDANCE is destructive as the FIGHT-FLIGHT RESPONSE ¹ has kicked in. Our brains get hijacked by this and we want push back. We want engagement NOW! We might even name call, badger, get nasty vocally trying to be fulfilled. We actually want a fight.

Our partner does not want a fight. We cannot see that. We just want to be able to continue to express our hostility. We think “Weasel.” The reason this occurs is that our amydala in the limbric part of our brains gets stimulated launching the Fight Response. We want engagement.

For WITHDRAWAL or AVOIDANCE to work when things are calm between you have a discussion and agree to below formula.

  1. When a person calls for “I NEED SPACE” or “TIME OUT” or ” I NEED A BREAK” both immediately acknowledge it, and person tells for how long.  For example: “I need space for 20 minutes for things to cool off.”
  2. Decide ahead of time location for each person to retreat to. One to the bedroom. Another to the porch, or man cave etc. No one leaves the premise.
  3. Use DISTRACTION TOOL. Both people do not think of the impasse or topics being discussed. Refocus your attention to something else. Think about someone you love, your next vacation, a hobby, what you have to get done today, think about your goals you want to accomplish in the next few months. By distracting yourself you allow the hormones to dissipate and rational thinking returns.
  4. When time is up, check in and see if both are now back to more normal emotional state. If one is still very emotional, continue break for another 20 minutes.
  5. Upon resuming discussion, both ask together: ” Are we going to remember this argument in a year?” 80% No. 20% Yes.
  6. Easiest for one to say ok lets do it your way. Or You are right. If you start getting emotional again. STOP. Postpone for a day.
  7. OR Get paper and use Problem Solving Technique we will discuss in tomorrow’s blog.

_____________________________________________________________

The Fight or Flight Response¹

¹

The Fight or Flight Response

The reaction begins in the amygdala, which triggers a neural response in the hypothalamus. The initial reaction is followed by activation of the pituitary gland and secretion of the hormone ACTH.[8] The adrenal gland is activated almost simultaneously and releases the neurotransmitter epinephrine. The release of chemical messengers results in the production of the hormone cortisol, which increases blood pressure, blood sugar, and suppresses the immune system.[9] The initial response and subsequent reactions are triggered in an effort to create a boost of energy. This boost of energy is activated by epinephrine binding to liver cells and the subsequent production of glucose.[10] Additionally, the circulation of cortisol functions to turn fatty acids into available energy, which prepares muscles throughout the body for response.[11] Catecholamine hormones, such as adrenaline (epinephrine) or noradrenaline (norepinephrine), facilitate immediate physical reactions associated with a preparation for violent muscular action. These include the following:[12]

Function of physiological changes

The physiological changes that occur during the fight or flight response are activated in order to give the body increased strength and speed in anticipation of fighting or running. Some of the specific physiological changes and their functions include:[13][14]

Are you in constant conflict and never ending arguments?

A few Private Sessions on a Monday Evening will give you the tools to live better and return yourselves to your old loving selves. Your life deserves better that how you are living. You are killing yourselves with stress, coronary heart disease. No joke.

Call Richard Taylor at 678.576.1913

CONTACT

Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator
Diplomate American Association Anger Management Providers

Atlanta Anger Management
5555 Glenridge Connector
Suite 200 (2nd Floor)
Atlanta, Georgia 30342 USA

Office Phone: 678-576-1913
Fax: 1-866-551-1253
Web: www.atlantaangermanagement.com
E-mail: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com

Linked in: http://www.linkedin.com/in/richardtayloraam

#1 Certified Anderson and Anderson™ Anger Management Provider
The Best Of The Best In Anger Management & Emotional Intelligence

 

SIGNS YOUR MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP IS IN TROUBLE

SIGNS YOUR MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP IS IN TROUBLE 8


 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Smart Tip: Get help when things start going downhill. Nip things in the bud.
 
 

“Couples wait an average of six years of being unhappy with their relationship before getting help,” said John Gottman, emeritus professor of psychology at the University of Washington and executive director of The Gottman Research Institute in Seattle. 1

 
Many couples never seek any help and either break up or head to a divorce attorney.
 
The divorce rate in the United States is the highest in the world. Fifty percent of marriages end in divorce. Sixty-seven percent of all second marriages end in divorce and 73 percent of third marriages end in divorce.2
 
Fifty percent of all children are children of divorce. 40.8% of all children are born of never married parents. 3
 
Divorce is expensive.
 

“It’s a lot more expensive to maintain two separate households and you’re having to do it on the same amount of income,” said Jeff Landers, CDFA, President of Bedrock Divorce Advisors in New York.

 
The impact of divorce is huge in their own lives and that of their children.
 
When children have a hard time, boys and girls suffer equally. They differ in how they suffer. Boys are more externally symptomatic acting out their anger, frustration and hurt. Boys may get into trouble in school; fight more with peers and parents. Girls tend to internalize their distress. They may become depressed, develop headaches, stomach aches, and have changes in their eating and sleeping patterns. Aggressive anger or passive anger is often felt and acted out.
 

What should people experiencing relationship/marriage problems do?
 

Get help when things start going downhill. Nip things in the bud.
 
 

Opposition brings concord. Out of discord comes the fairest harmony. 4

 
 
Hotu-240px

Signs Of Trouble:

 
1 You’re Thinking About Having An Affair – STOP!
 

Having an affair outside the marriage/relationship does not solve your unhappiness.
Fact is affairs create unintended problems, generating a life of their own with unintended consequences no one can anticipant. It is not worth it. Stop the mental projections, the wishing immediately when they come up. Change your focus back towards your partner and seek help if you cannot work things out.
 
Bear in mind that counselors varying greatly on what they actually are committed to helping you accomplish.
Some have the goal of saving the relationship/marriage and is the driving point of their work; others maintain a goal of separate partner (individual) bliss. Divorce/Separation for the later is often guaranteed. Know your counselor point of view and goals before engaging them. Ask for a disclosure. Ask an open ended question like: ‘What is your main goal when working with couples with problems?’
 
Try and figure out if the counselor/anger management expert:
 
A. Fight for relationship/marriage at all costs
B. Main concern of the work is individual happiness and wellbeing
 
Instead of talk therapy, check out Anger ManagementCouples Conflict Management.
Atlanta Anger Management Couples Conflict Management is not talk therapy counseling.
 
It is client education and training re-framing the relationship patterns, enhancing assertive communication and active listening. It is increasing awareness of anger and other negative emotions triggers and hot buttons to understand relationship dynamics and handle them in a more productive way. It is changing destructive behavior patterns into more positive relationship patterns that are sustainable. It is not a short term fix but a new way of being/living. It is maintaining an exciting new way of being. Commit to being a “Creative Partner Invested In Positive Change”6.
 
Affairs Continued…
 
Once emotional or sexual involvement goes outside a marriage, the issues needing to be addressed become background issues.
 
Problems magnify and get worse:
 
• Lies
• Not doing what you say – See: Be Impeccable
• Broken promises
• Deceit
• Guilt
• Building Walls of separation
• Avoidance
• Less time spend together
• Shame
• Increased suspicions
• Trust erodes
• Responsibility diminishes
• Character flaws are magnified
• Love is crushed and turns to contempt
• I do not care anymore = death of relationship
 
If you’re considering being unfaithful, it signals something is wrong with your relationship.
Ask yourself and be honest. “Can I resist temptation?”
 
If someone threw themselves on me … Can I resist without thought because I am totally committed to my partner. This is what is needed even if you are fighting right now.
 
Remember: Any indiscretion is always found out. The Truth always is found out. The News verifies this daily.
 
There are solutions to your problems. Call Richard Taylor 678.576.1913
 
2 You Fight About The Same Thing Over and Over and Over
 
You should know with a 50% chance of marriage lasting that Marriage and Conflict happening is not if but when. Arguing from time to time is perfectly normal and is expected. That is not a problem. The problem is outlined with further points below.
Accept The Unsolvable
 
According to relationship scientist John Gottman, 69% of relationship conflicts are persistent problems, meaning they revolve around issues that tend to resurface no matter how long you’ve been together. If you find a problem seems to call up painful emotions, you’re looking at one that’s persistent.1
 
To stop this trouble from ruining your relationship, you’ll need to address the bigger issues underlying your difficulty. Take turns discussing with your partner what this loaded issue really means to you. When your partner is talking, your job is to listen, be nonjudgmental and to find something in her/his perspective that makes sense to you. When it’s your turn to talk, she/he should be doing the same thing. By treading more gently into touchy areas, you should at least be able to agree to disagree or make some small concessions for one another. Accept that some things are not solvable. It is best to not talk about it. Couples who have been together a long time have embraced this concept and saved their marriage by doing so.
 
Couples who focus on the negatives in their relationship surely self destruct.1
 
It is best to practice LIVING IN THE MOMENT and not bringing up the past. Live right now. Also do not project these beliefs into the future. Say: “ That was then, this is now.” All I can experience is right now. Work on catching negative thoughts and choose to ‘change the channel” with positive thoughts. Like “What is it I like most about my partner?” Focus with intention for 10-30 seconds on the good to help imprint it on the brain to rewire it.
 
3 Spending Less Time Together
 
 

“The number one cause for the breakdown in marriages today is couples aren’t spending enough time together.” 7 – Michele Weiner Davis

 
 
Everything is more important than setting aside sacred time for one another. Whether it’s work, kids, meetings, clubs, church, temple, friends, working out, hobbies, golf, sports, TV, social media, relatives, and so on, everything seems to take precedence over the relationship. When this happens, couples stop being friends and their emotional connection suffers. They begin leading separate lives. The often become housemates.
 
Marriage will remain in danger unless you change this. Make it your joint mission to re-establish couple time together and family time together. Perhaps real meals rather than fast food eating. Outdoor activities help relieve stress and help bonding. Put away your cell phones, texting, listening to “your” music. Embrace being present to those around you. Get out of yourself and into your relationships. You can choose to change. But no one can make you. Each person has to decide to let others in.
 
4 Talking About Superficial Topics
 

Communication is one of the keys to lasting relationships.
 
Partners often have different needs when it comes to talking. Often guys like to talk “about” things, while women like to often talk about their emotions and the meaning of things, events, family, deeper conversations that force us to think, feel, emote and define our beliefs. This is often harder work than the surface talk.
 
The “talker” in the marriage/relationship often feels let down, hurt, frustrated and alone because their partner does not participate willingly in the dialogue.
 
The “talker” sometimes talks about their needs and what needs fixing in the relationship which results in the partner shutting down and wants to disengage in the conversation. These produce avoidance, putting up walls and further shuts down communication. The result is negative feelings that might include frustration, isolation, uncooperativeness, unhappiness, loneliness, not being connected and depression.
Having these talks of the heart is needed to promote intimacy, acceptance, reliance, love, safety and security. Maybe even the feeling of feeling cherished. Being reluctant to engage in these conversations put your relationship at risk.
 
Unmet needs and boundary violations are the two main reasons anger is often felt and expressed.
 
So conversations discussing important matters about finances, your own feelings, loved ones, future plans and goals, what is working and not working, behavior change requests, etc are vastly important. Couples usually are able to move into these conversations in their 30’s and on. Not having them can make the relationship seem superficial, light and not very serious. Many, many people remain adolescent in their self development no matter what age they are. They are just not willing to do any self growth work.
 
5 Escalating Fights
 

Often we find our vocabulary limited and we rely on the same expression over and over and our conversations repeat themselves. He/she says the same thing, she/he responds always in the same way. We are on a gerbil round treadmill repeating the same relationship dynamics. We hear ourselves say…”Oh no, here we go again!”
 
This often leads to anger, contempt and withdrawal. Avoidance is a key destructive interaction in relationships.
 
Pay attention and notice if you are having the same fights.
 
If these arguments are growing in intensity you must act and do something about them. Seek outside professional help very soon, not six years from now! Sometimes these escalating fights manifest into either verbal abuse or physical abuse.
 
Rule #1 In Anger Management: Do Not Touch Your Partner When Angry. You Will Get Arrested.
 
Both verbal abuse or physical abuse are destructive to lasting relationships so act and get help.
 
Aggressive Communication Style often has components of:
 
Inattention

• Interrupting

• Control

• Manipulation

• Intimidation

• Hostility
 
These ongoing ever repeating fights or arguments definitely showcase that deeper underlying issues are not being addressed. Most often communication skills are lacking that healthy couples have. These communication skills can be learned so that unresolved issues can be worked through. We offer help in communication skills. Inquire.
 
6 Having Little Or No Sex
 
Usually one partner has a lower sex drive than the other partner. In other words one partner wants sex more often than the other. The problem arises when the partner with the lower sex drive refuses their spouse’s feelings and rejects most, if not all, sexual advances.
 
Often this results in hurt feelings, frustration, rejection, feeling unwanted, feeling deflated, emotionally disconnected, angry and desperate.
 
If this goes on too long be wary of one partner disconnecting and becoming removed. Intimacy ends. This can often lead to infidelity. Even if only emotional infidelity.
 
Divorce also happens.
 
Once you experience these feelings, many things can happen. You stop enjoying each other’s company, spending time together, connecting emotionally, and being friends. If you don’t do something about it the death of the relationship often results. Or you become housemates for the duration with little empathy or love for the other. You move into existence mode. This is unnatural and not healthy, especially when children are involved.
 
I have helped many couples that are sleeping in separate bedrooms, in essence co-existing.
 
If this is a religious decision of sexual abstinence that is a choice and is healthy and a positive thing, but most people are not in that situation. It is isolation, alienation that causes it.
 
If a spouse is not getting enough sex, or would like more frequency while the other not, you both need to examine the reasons it’s happening. If might be necessary get professional help in Sex Therapy. Do whatever it takes to re-create passion and intimacy in your marriage. Action is called for.
 

7 Focusing more on kids than each other
 
Fact: Empty Nesters are still divorcing in droves. Once the children leave home, the relationship often feels overwhelmingly void.9
Today’s American culture (and many others) has become very Child Centric; meaning making our children our number one priority placing them in the center of our lives.
 
Everything is about our children.
 
Often when we live this way, our marriages suffer. It is hard to follow the sage wisdom: God First, Spouses Second, Children Third, Parents Fourth. 10
 
Be careful to not feel more connected to your children than your partner. Doing so often disconnects us from our spouses, resulting in us becoming strangers. This empties the marriage of intimacy.
 
Making the marriage the most important thing in your lives is the best thing you can do for your children. Your children benefit enormously when you have loving close relationship, as it models what a good marriage is, giving them the image framework to repeat it in their own adult lives.
It also helps marital longevity more likely.
 
TIP: Analyze your family life. Are you on auto pilot? Are you placing your relationship to God 1st, Spouse 2nd, Children 3rd, Parents 4th? If not, try to change as this will put your marriage on a better path towards lasting fulfillment.

“Good character is not formed in a week or a month. It is created little by little, day by day. Protracted and patient effort is needed to develop good character.” – Heraclitus 3

 

QUESTIONS:

 
Do you see yourself in any of the above?
 
Do you see partner in any of the above?
 
Do you admit you might need to tweak some things?
 
Great. Awareness is the first key to change and make things better.
 
Do not be static, stuck and remain in your relationship patterns.
 
Do something.
 
Take a positive step and invest in your relationship/marriage, It is worth the cost of money, time, effort and growth.

Change is the only constant. All is flux, nothing is stationary. Everything flows and nothing stays. 3 – Heraclitus

Be exceptional and do not wait years, 2013 is the year. Heed these warnings if you are living them.
 
Make the call to Richard Taylor of Atlanta Anger Management at 678.576.1913
 
When you do, your marriage/relationship will be a healthier, happier place to be and you will live longer due to less stress. Really.
 
 
CONTACT
Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator
Diplomate American Association Anger Management Providers
Atlanta Anger Management
5555 Glenridge Connector
Suite 200 (2nd Floor)
Atlanta, Georgia 30342 USA
Office Phone: 678-576-1913
Fax: 1-866-551-1253
Web: http://www.atlantaangermanagement.com
E-mail: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com
Linked in:http://www.linkedin.com/in/richardtayloraam

A Certified Anderson and Anderson™ Anger Management Provider
The Best Of The Best In Anger Management & Emotional Intelligence
 
At Atlanta Anger Management, Atlanta, GA  Anger Management is offered:

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References:
1. The Gottman Research Institute
2. Leo Averbach, Author, Breakup: Enduring Divorce; BreakupAid
Follow Leo Averbach on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Breakupwriter
3. Heritage Foundation – America’s Greatest Weapon Against Child Poverty
4. Heraclitus – Ηράκλειτος (Herakleitos; Heraclitus) of Ephesus (c.535 BC – 475 BC) was a Greek philosopher
Good character is not formed in a week or a month. It is created little by little, day by day. Protracted and patient effort is needed to develop good character.
5. Ancient version of the Taijitu (太極圖), origins from Lai Zhi-De (來知德) alias Lai Qu-Tang (來瞿唐) 1525-1604). Black and white swirls around a transparent circle.
6. “Creative Partners Invested In Positive Change” © Richard Taylor 2009
7. Michele Weiner-Davis MSW http://www.divorcebusting.com/
8. Michele Weiner-Davis MSW http://www.divorcebusting.com/
9. Empty Nests and Empty Marriages
10. Happy Wives Club