Turning Towards Your Partner – Worksheet USE IT!

Turning Towards Your Partner* – Worksheet      USE IT!

1. A kiss before he/she dashes out the door. Your partner may be in a frenetic rush to work, but one never knows when you may never see your partner again. Embrace the moment and express your love ALWAYS, even if you had a argument.  A kiss, a hug…say “I love You! Have a good day/trip/have fun,” something!

2. Refusing to let your clothes wrinkle in the dryer. When you don’t hear its ending cycle buzz, know your partner answers the call, and chooses to be proactive folding the clothes before those iron-resistant creases can set in.

3. Pulling the blanket over a bare shoulder. You’ve crashed on the couch, uncovered—but your partner comes to the rescue with a blanket so that you won’t awake shivering in the cold.

4. You could use your partner’s first name, but instead use a nickname or pet name instead.

5. Displays Of Affection. Check! Whether you’re strolling side by side on a sidewalk, walking through a crowded venue, or hunkered down on the couch, choose to hold hands, touch, displays of affection.

6. Texting midday just to say hello.  Send a simple check-in message, read the subtext of the text: It’s always “I was thinking of you.” Leave a Post It Note®  “I love you!”  ” I want you!”

7. Whip out a candle at dinnertime. Even leftovers devoured on the sofa are made romantic when your partner adds a little candlelight action to the coffee table. Display one flower. Nice.

8. Keeping notes. You may not have the memory of an elephant, but because you want to remember things, write it down. Take a picture. Make a voice note on your phone.

9. Celebrating the small stuff. Life is made of Moments, make each day a day to be grateful for the gift of life, for the small “wins”, the little something that stands out noticed. Share that!

10. “Remember that one time?” Remember the good times, the funny times, the times when everything was great! Show your romantic side by regularly reminiscing about these times.

11. Create joy by adopting a positive more fun attitude. Work on adding humor and laughter in your lives. “A day without laughter is a day wasted.” Buy a joke book and read to each other. Find funny people to become friends with. Ditch negative folks….or minimize your exposure to them. Choose to be UP, not down. Choose to try to be kind to your partner.

What are you going to do?

Name Name
1.2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

1.2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

 

* Gottman Method – Sound Relationship House

Turning towards your partner builds up “Your Bank Account Of LOVE”. Positivity. Couples who have life long relationships build up, not tear down. Turning towards Today.

 

The saying goes…”Random Acts Of Kindness.”

https://www.randomactsofkindness.org/inspirational-kindness-quotes

 

Couples Workshop: 

Couple Private Sessions

For Help Contact:

Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator
Certified MHS Emotional Intelligence EQ-i 2.0 Provider
Diplomate American Association Anger Management Providers

Richard Taylor

Atlanta Anger Management
5555 Glenridge Connector
Suite 200 (2nd Floor)
Atlanta, Georgia 30342 USA

Office Phone: 678-576-1913
Fax: 1-866-551-1253
Web: www.atlantaangermanagement.com
E-mail: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com

Linked in:http://www.linkedin.com/in/richardtayloraam

#1 Certified Anderson and Anderson™ Anger Management Provider
The Best Of The Best In Anger, Emotional Intelligence, Stress, Communication, Couples

EQi-2.0 Certified - Richard Taylor

MINDFULNESS

Raw footage from Rick Hanson’s interview for © The Mindfulness Movie, 2013. More info at www.themindfulnessmovie.com

More Resources:

HOW TO PRACTICE MINDFULNESS VIDEOS

Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator
Diplomate American Association Anger Management Providers

Atlanta Anger Management 
5555 Glenridge Connector
Suite 200 (2nd Floor)
Atlanta, Georgia 30342 USA

Office Phone: 678-576-1913
Fax: 1-866-551-1253
Web: www.atlantaangermanagement.com
E-mail: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com

Linked in:http://www.linkedin.com/in/richardtayloraam

#1 Certified Anderson and Anderson™ Anger Management Provider
The Best Of The Best In Anger Management & Emotional Intelligence

FOCUS – A KEY TO SELF CONTROL

FOCUS – Is one of the keys to self control and improved Social Intelligence.

Richard Taylor of Atlanta Anger Management uses the Anderson and Anderson Contrasting Wheels of Behavior to help clients move quickly into more positive constructive relationship patterns.

Today we look at FOCUS or Paying Attention with Awareness.

Is your mind wandering?

The Practice

Pay attention.

Why?

Moment to moment, the flows of thoughts and feelings, sensations and desires, and conscious and unconscious processes sculpt your nervous system like water gradually carving furrows and eventually gullies on a hillside. Your brain is continually changing its structure. The only question is: Is it for better or worse?

In particular, because of what’s called “experience-dependent neuroplasticity,” whatever you hold in attention has a special power to change your brain. Attention is like a combination spotlight and vacuum cleaner: it illuminates what it rests upon and then sucks it into your brain – and your self.

Therefore, controlling your attention – becoming more able to place it where you want it and keep it there, and more able to pull it away from what’s bothersome or pointless (such as looping again and again through anxious preoccupations, mental grumbling, or self-criticism) – is the foundation of changing your brain, and thus your life, for the better.

As the great psychologist, William James, wrote over a century ago: “The education of attention would be the education par excellence.”

But to gain better control of attention – to become more mindful and more able to concentrate – we need to overcome a few challenges. In order to survive, our ancestors evolved to be stimulation-hungry and easily distracted, continually scanning their interior and their environment for opportunities and threats, carrots and sticks. There is also a natural range of temperament, from focused and cautious “turtles” to distractible and adventuresome “jackrabbits.” Upsetting experiences – especially traumatic ones – train the brain to be vigilant, with attention skittering from one thing to another. And modern culture makes us accustomed to an intense incoming fire hose of stimuli, so anything less – like the sensations of simply breathing – can feel unrewarding, boring, or frustrating.

To overcome these challenges, it’s useful to cultivate some neural factors of attention – in effect, getting your brain on your side to help you get a better grip on this spotlight/vacuum cleaner.

How?

You can use one or more of the seven factors below at the start of any deliberate focusing of attention – from keeping your head in a dull business meeting to contemplative practices such as meditation or prayer – and then let them move to the background as you shift into whatever the activity is.

You can also draw upon one or more during the activity if your attention is flagging. They are listed in an order that makes sense to me, but you can vary the sequence. (There’s more information about attention, mindfulness, concentration, and contemplative absorption inBuddha’s Brain.)

7 Things To Help Keep Focus:

1.  Set the intention to sustain your attention, to be mindful. You can do this both top-down, by giving yourself a gentle instruction to be attentive, and bottom-up, by opening to the sense in your body of what mindfulness feels like.

2.  Relax. Use Conscious Breathing. For example, take several exhalations that are twice as long as your inhalations. This stimulates the calming, centering parasympathetic nervous system and settles down the fight-or-flight stress-response sympathetic nervous system that jiggles the spotlight of attention this way and that, looking for carrots and sticks.

3.  Without straining at it, think of things that help you feel cared about – that you matter to someone, that you belong in a relationship or group, that you are seen and appreciated, or even cherished and loved. It’s OK if the relationship isn’t perfect, or that you bring to mind people from the past, or pets, or spiritual beings. You could also get a sense of your own goodwill for others, your own compassion, kindness, and love. Warming up the heart in this way helps you feel protected, and it brings a rewarding juiciness to the moment – which support #4 and #5 below.

4.  Think of things that help you feel safer, and thus more able to rest attention on your activities, rather than vigilantly scanning. Notice that you are likely in a relatively safe setting, with resources inside you to cope with whatever life brings. Let go of any unreasonable anxiety, any unnecessary guarding or bracing.

5.  Gently encourage some positive feelings, even mild or subtle ones. For example, think of something you feel glad about or grateful for; go-to’s for me include my kids, Yosemite, and just being alive. Open as you can to an underlying sense of well-being that may nonetheless contain some struggles or pain. The sense of pleasure or reward in positive emotions increases the neurotransmitter, dopamine, which closes a kind of gate in the neural substrates of working memory, thus keeping out any “barbarians,” any invasive distractions.

6.  Get a sense of the body as a whole, its many sensations appearing together each moment in the boundless space of awareness. This sense of things as a unified gestalt, perceived within a large and panoramic perspective, activates networks on the sides of the brain (especially the right – for right-handed people) that support sustained mindfulness. And it de-activates the networks along the midline of the brain that we use when we’re lost in thought.

7.  For 10-20-30 seconds in a row, stay with whatever positive experiences you’re having or lessons you’re learning. Since “neurons that fire together, wire together,” this savoring and registering helps weave the fruits of your attentive efforts into the fabric of your brain and your self. [You change.]

by

Rick Hanson, Ph.D.
25 Mitchell Blvd.
San Rafael, California 94903

Used With Permission

My latest book is adapted from this newsletter and is titled Just One Thing: Developing a Buddha Brain One Simple Practice at a Time. In the book, I present 52 of my favorite practices – simple actions inside your mind – to light up the neural networks of deep well-being and resilience.

Just One Thing: Developing A Buddha Brain One Simple Practice at a Time

by Rick Hanson by New Harbinger Publications
Paperback

List Price: $15.95
Our Price: $9.62

Buy Now

RICHARD TAYLOR’S FAVORITE BOOKS, DVDS ON: REWIRE YOUR BRAIN, MEDITATION, MINDFULNESS, PATHS TO SELF IMPROVEMENT, BRAIN SCIENCE, BRAIN NEUROPLASICITY

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE & ANGER MANAGEMENT go hand in hand.
First Step: Self Awareness
Second Step: Self Control
Third Step: Social Intelligence & Awareness
Fourth Step: Relationship Management

FOCUS – Using Mindful Attention To What We Are Doing is key to rewire the brain
to become more (slower) responsive then caveman fight, flight, freeze instant reactivity.

My Suggestion:

1. Stop Multi-Tasking when you can.

2. Turn off TV and Radio when you can. Embrace silence.

3. Silence allows us to hear our inner brain (ego) chatter.

4. Catch Negative thoughts. Change them to Positive thoughts. Click -> Change the channel! Called: 3 C’s -> Catch It. Check It. Change It.

5. Linger 10-20-30 seconds on these positive thoughts or experiences to rewire the brain.

For Class Information
For Individual Private Session

For Saturday One Day Class

Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator
Diplomate American Association Anger Management Providers

Atlanta Anger Management 
5555 Glenridge Connector
Suite 200 (2nd Floor)
Atlanta, Georgia 30342 USA

Office Phone: 678-576-1913
Fax: 1-866-551-1253
Web: www.atlantaangermanagement.com
E-mail: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com

Linked in:http://www.linkedin.com/in/richardtayloraam

A Certified Anderson and Anderson™ Anger Management Provider
The Best Of The Best In Anger Management & Emotional Intelligence