MEN EXPERIENCE MORE WORK/HOME CONFLICT STRESS

MEN EXPERIENCE MORE WORK/HOME CONFLICT STRESS

For the first time in polling history, men experience more work/home conflict related stress than women.

At higher rates than ever, men want to be at home, having a part in raising their kids.

They don’t want to just show up at sports games, and think they’re the world’s best dad.
But many women don’t want to go to work

With the choice:
37% of women would prefer to work full time
50% part time
And 11% wouldn’t work at all
Compared to the 75% of men who would want to work full time

The weeks workload is evening out:
Women: 59 hours
Men: 58 hours

But Men still work outside the home 11 more hours than their
(partners in dual working couples)

Making work/home conflict a bigger deal for men

For dual earning couples
6% more women than men say they are happy with their lives
And men are twice as likely to say that they are unhappy with their lives than women

A more balanced work/home achievement rate would solve the male crisis

The question remains:
Why hasn’t the demise of institutionalized sexism, and higher education rates amongst women led to more success outside the home?

Contributing Factors

Fields of work
Women dominate the education field
Men dominate the engineering and MBA programs

The Wharton school is the closest to achieving “the magic half” of gender equality in MBA programs[4] and it is still 58% male

Money’s a pretty big incentive to stay outside the home.

Location
Currently, men are at work longer, leaving them less time to

  • Help around the house
  • Spend time with the kids the kids

Even if they are willing to help, they’re in another place

Postpartum
Many work places are now offering men pregnancy leave if their spouse is expecting

In California, where up to 6 weeks of unpaid leave is available to fathers, only 29% of those who take the leave are men

But think about it:
If there are no health complications:
The baby needs feeding (80% are breastfed)
The baby sleeps
The mother rests
And occasionally the baby goes to the bathroom
Sure mom can use some help, but days on leave are often listless for dads

Expectations
Even if the man does the cleaning, the woman is often blamed by others if the house is not cleaned well enough.

Reactions
Whether cultural, emotional, or something else, women overwhelmingly feel guiltier pulling late nights at the office, or going on extended business trips with kids.

Communication breakdown
Woman: “support me more”
man: “But you always tell me I’m doing it wrong.”
Don’t worry, sometimes progress comes in fits and starts. Adjusted per family income is on the rise, and three times as many father’s spend time with their kids as in 1965.

Need help sorting things out?

Call Richard for Couples Conflict Management Session or Stress Management  at 678.576.1013

Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator
Diplomate American Association Anger Management Providers

Atlanta Anger Management 
5555 Glenridge Connector
Suite 200 (2nd Floor)
Atlanta, Georgia 30342 USA

Office Phone: 678-576-1913
Fax: 1-866-551-1253
Web: www.atlantaangermanagement.com
E-mail: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com

Linked in:http://www.linkedin.com/in/richardtayloraam

#1 Certified Anderson and Anderson™ Anger Management Provider
The Best Of The Best In Anger Management & Emotional Intelligence

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citations

Pew
Gallup
Esquire
[4]http://www.businessweek.com/articles/2013-01-14/women-in-business-school-why-so-few

Source: http://collegedegreesearch.net/men/  Used With Permission.

_______________________________________________________________

REWIRE YOUR BRAIN – PRACTICE NOT QUARRELING

Who do you argue with?

The Practice

Don’t quarrel.

Why?

It’s one thing to stick up for yourself and others. But it’s a different matter to get caught up in wrangles, contentiousness, squabbles . . . in a word: quarrels.

Similarly, it’s one thing to disagree with someone, even to the point of arguing – but it’s a different matter to get so caught up in your position that you lose sight of the bigger picture, including your relationship with the other person. Then you’re quarreling.

You know you’re quarreling when you find yourself getting irritated, especially with that sticky feeling that you’re just not gonna quit until you’ve won.

Quarrels happen both out in the open, between people, and inside the mind, like when you make a case in your head about another person or keep revisiting an argument to make your point more forcefully. We quarrel most with family and friends – imagine that! – but also with people on TV, or politicians and groups we don’t like. We can even quarrel with conditions in life (such as an illness or tight money) or with physical objects, like a sticky drawer slammed shut in anger.

However they happen, quarrels are stressful, activating the ancient fight-or-flight machinery in your brain and body: a bit of this won’t harm you, but a regular diet of quarreling is not good for your long-term physical and mental health.

Plus it eats away like acid on a relationship. For example, I was in a serious relationship in my mid-twenties that was headed for marriage, but our regular quarrels finally so scorched the earth in our hearts that no love could grow there for each other.

This week, try not quarrel with anyone or anything.

How?

Be mindful of what quarreling feels like, in your body, emotions, and thoughts. For example, be aware of that sense of revving up, pushing against, being right, and driving your view home that is so characteristic of quarreling. Ask yourself: Does this feel good? Is this good for me?

Observe the impact of quarreling in relationships, whether you’re doing it or others are (including on the world stage). Ask yourself:Are the results good? What would my relationships be like if I did not quarrel in them?

If you sense yourself warming up to a quarrel, step back, slow down, don’t do it. Try a different approach: Say only what truly needs saying; stay calm and contained, without trying to persuade the other person; don’t take any bait. If it comes to this, let the other person, not you, look over-heated and argumentative.

Richard Taylor adds: [ “If you want to always be right you will end up single.”]

Much of the time, you’ll realize that nothing needs to be said at all:you just don’t have to resist the other person. His or her words can pass on by like a gust of air swirling some leaves along its way. You don’t have to be contentious. Your silence does not equal agreement. Nor does it mean that the other person has won the point – and even if he or she has, would that actually matter so much in a week – or year – or so?

If you do get caught up in a quarrel, as soon as you realize that’s happened, back out of it. A good first step is to get quieter. Think about what really matters in the interaction – like saying what you are going to do in the future, or finding out some key fact – and then zero in on that thing, whatever it is. Maybe acknowledge to the other person that you’ve realized you’ve gotten into a kind of argument here, but that’s not what you really want to do. If that person tries to keep up the fight, you don’t have to. It takes two to quarrel, and only one to stop it. Then when the time is right, as you can, try to repair the damage of the quarrel.

Overall, explore the sense of being at peace with the world, without a quarrel with anyone.

(The feeling of this reminds me of a saying from my wife’s childhood, which should be adapted to one’s own situation: Be a friend to all, and a sister to every Girl Scout!)

by

Rick Hanson, Ph.D.
25 Mitchell Blvd.
San Rafael, California 94903

Used With Permission

My Offerings

· Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom – Written with a neurologist, Richard Mendius, M.D., and with a Foreword by Daniel Siegel, M.D. and a Preface by Jack Kornfield, Ph.D., it’s full of effective ways to use your mind to change your brain to benefit your whole being.
· Stress-Proof Your Brain -Meditations to rewire neural pathways for stress relief and unconditional happiness.
· Meditations to Change Your Brain – Three CDs of powerful guided practices, plus practical suggestions, for personal transformation.
·  Meditations for Happiness – Downloadable program (3 CDs worth) on gratitude, inner protectors, and coming home to happiness.

Question? Are we going to remember this argument in a year from now? 

Related Richard’s Selected Best In Class Books – DVDs – Meditations

Couples Conflict Management

Couples Communication Help

What Is Anger Management?

Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator
Diplomate American Association Anger Management Providers

Atlanta Anger Management

5555 Glenridge Connector
Suite 200 (2nd Floor)
Atlanta, Georgia 30342 USA

Office Phone: 678-576-1913
Fax: 1-866-551-1253
Web: http://www.atlantaangermanagement.com
E-mail: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com

Linked in: http://www.linkedin.com/in/richardtayloraam

A Certified Anderson and Anderson™ Anger Management Provider
The Best Of The Best In Anger Management & Emotional Intelligence