Clients have flown into Atlanta, GA to work with Richard Taylor of Atlanta Anger Management for issues of emotional control, couples conflict management, job performance enhancement, and sports anger management.
Cheap flights from Atlanta, GA¹
Atlanta, GA is the gateway for cheap flights to domestic and international destinations and it currently has non-stop flights to 235 cities.
Atlanta, GA travelers take frequent flights to the following cities of Las Vegas, Nevada, Honolulu, Hawaii and New York City, New York.
In 2014 London, United Kingdom was the favorite European destination for travelers flying from Atlanta, GA and was followed by other cities like Rome, Italy, Paris, France and Frankfurt, Germany.
San Juan, Puerto Rico and other favorite sunny locations like Montego Bay, Jamaica, St. Thomas are also places visited by Atlanta, GA travelers.
The Top Asia destinations like Mumbai (Bombay), India, Manila, Philippines and New Delhi, India are also some favorite places for Atlanta, GA travelers.
Hartsfield-Jackson has a direct economic impact of more than about $32.5 billion for the metro Atlanta area economy.²
6 Reasons Why Vegetable Oils Are Toxic
By Kris Gunnars
“I am personally convinced that vegetable oils (along with added sugars and refined wheat) are key players in the epidemics of chronic, Western diseases, which are currently the biggest health problems in the world. Take Home Message If you want to be healthy, feel good and lower your risk of serious diseases, then you should avoid vegetable oils as if your life depended on it (it does). “
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FAST TIP: Good Oils: Organic Extra Virgin Olive Oil not heated, Avocado Oil for cooking high heat, and Organic Extra Virgin Coconut Oil for smoothies, cooking. Use all sparingly.
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Many people perceive vegetable oils as healthy.
Maybe it’s because they have the word “vegetable” in them.
I mean… vegetables are good for you, right? So vegetable oil must be too…
Even the mainstream nutrition organizations recommend that we eat them, because according to them, unsaturated fats are much healthier than saturated fats.
However, many studies have now demonstrated that these oils can cause serious harm (1).
The composition of the fatty acids in them is different than anything we were ever exposed to throughout evolution.
This is leading to physiological changes within our bodies and contributing to multiple diseases.
hhjak of pixabay Used With Permission.
6 reasons why vegetable oils are downright toxic.
1. Vegetable Oils are Very “Unnatural” in Large Amounts
In this article, I’m referring to processed seed oils like soybean oil, sunflower oil, corn oil, canola oil, cottonseed oil, safflower oil and a few others.
Even though they aren’t really vegetables, these oils are commonly referred to as “vegetable oils.”
These oils contain very large amounts of biologically active fats called Omega-6 polyunsaturated fatty acids, which are harmful in excess.
This does NOT apply to healthy plant oils like olive oil or coconut oil, which are extremely good for you.
Humans have been evolving for a very long time, but industrial food processing is brand new. We didn’t start producing vegetable oils until about a hundred years ago.
Between the years 1909 and 1999, the consumption of soybean oil increased more than a thousandfold and now supplies about 7% of calories in the U.S. diet (2).
Take a look at this video to see how commercial canola oil is made:
This processing method is really disgusting and involves pressing, heating, various industrial chemicals and highly toxic solvents. Other vegetable oils are processed in a similar manner.
It baffles me that anyone would think this stuff is fit for human consumption.
If you choose healthier brands that have been cold pressed (lower yield and therefore more expensive) then the processing method will be much less disgusting, but there is still the problem of excess Omega-6 fats.
Bottom Line: Humans were never exposed to these oils until very recently on an evolutionary scale, because we didn’t have the technology to process them.
2. Vegetable Oils Mess up The Fatty Acid Composition of The Body’s Cells There are two types of fatty acids that are termed “essential” – because the body can’t produce them.
These are the Omega-3 and Omega-6 fatty acids.
It is absolutely essential for the human body to get these fatty acids from the diet, but it must get them in a certain balance.
While humans were evolving, our Omega-6:Omega-3 ratio may have been around 4:1 to 1:2. Today, our ratio is as high as 16:1 on average, with great variation between individuals (3).
These fatty acids aren’t just inert structural molecules or fuel for the cell’s mitochondria, they serve vital functions related to processes known to affect various systems like the immune system (4).
When the balance of Omega-6s and Omega-3s in the cell is off, things can start to go terribly wrong.
Another problem is the relative unsaturation of these fatty acids. Polyunsaturated fats have two or more double bounds, while monounsaturated fats have one and saturated fats have no double bonds.
The more double bonds in a fatty acid, the more reactive it is. Polyunsaturated fatstend to react with oxygen, which can cause chain reactions, damaging other structures and perhaps even vital structures like DNA (5, 6).
These fatty acids tend to sit in the cell membranes, increasing harmful oxidative chain reactions.
Our body fat stores of Linoleic Acid (the most common Omega-6 fat) have increased 3-fold in the past 50 years.
That’s right, excessive consumption of vegetable oils leads to actual structural changes within our fat stores and our cell membranes.
I don’t know about you, but I find that to be a pretty scary thought.
Bottom Line: Omega-6 and Omega-3 fatty acids are biologically active and humans need to eat them in a certain balance to function optimally. Excess Omega-6s in our cell membranes are prone to harmful chain reactions.
3. Vegetable Oils Contribute to Inflammation
Omega-3 and Omega-6 fatty acids are used to make substances called eicosanoids in the body.
These are modified fatty acids that sit in the cell membranes.
There, they play a crucial role in bodily functions like cellular messaging, immunity and inflammation.
If you’ve ever taken aspirin or ibuprofen and noticed relief from headache or some kind of pain, then that’s because these drugs inhibit the eicosanoid pathways and reduce inflammation.
Whereas acute inflammation is good and helps your body heal from damage (such as when you step on a lego), having chronic, systemic inflammation all over your body is very bad.
Generally speaking, eicosanoids made from Omega-6s are pro-inflammatory, while those made from Omega-3s are anti-inflammatory (7).
These different fatty acids compete with each other. The more Omega-6 you have, the more Omega-3 you need. The less Omega-6 you have, the less Omega-3 you need (8).
Having high Omega-6 AND low Omega-3 is a recipe for disaster, but this is the case for people eating a Western diet.
Put simply, a diet that is high in Omega-6 but low in Omega-3 contributes to inflammation. A diet that has balanced amounts of both Omega-6 and Omega-3 reduces inflammation (9).
It is now believed that increased inflammation can contribute to various serious diseases, including cardiovascular disease, arthritis, depression and even cancer.
Bottom Line: Eicosanoids, signaling molecules made from Omega-6 and Omega-3 fats, are crucial in regulating inflammation in the body. The more Omega-6s you eat, the more systemic inflammation you will have.
4. Vegetable Oils Are Loaded With Trans Fats
Trans fats are unsaturated fats that are modified to be solid at room temperature.
These fats are highly toxic and are associated with an increased risk of various diseases, like heart disease, cancer, diabetes and obesity (10, 11, 12).
They are so bad that even the governments around the world have started taking action, setting laws that command food manufacturers to reduce the trans fat content of their foods.
However, a little known fact is that vegetable oils often contain massive amounts of trans fats.
In one study that looked at soybean and canola oils found on store shelves in the U.S., about 0.56% to 4.2% of the fatty acids in them were toxic trans fats (13).
If you want to reduce your exposure to trans fats (you should) then it’s not enough to avoid common trans fat sources like cookies and processed baked goods, you also need to avoid vegetable oils.
Bottom Line: Trans fats are highly toxic and associated with multiple diseases. Soybean and canola oils commonly sold in the U.S. contain very large amounts of trans fats.
5. Vegetable Oils Can Dramatically Raise Your Risk of Cardiovascular Disease
Cardiovascular disease is the most common cause of death in the world (14).
Whereas saturated fats were once considered to be key players, newer studies prove that they areharmless (15, 16).
Now the attention is increasingly being turned to vegetable oils.
Multiple randomized controlled trials have examined the effects that vegetable oils can have on cardiovascular disease.
3 studies have found a drastically increased risk (17, 18, 19), while 4 found no statistically significant effect (20, 21, 22, 23).
Only one study found a protective effect, but this study had a number of flaws (24).
If you look at observational studies, you find a very strong correlation.
This graph is from one study where the Omega-6 content of blood was plotted against the risk of death from cardiovascular disease (25):
You can see the U.S. sitting there at the top right, with the most Omega-6 AND the greatest risk of death from cardiovascular disease.
Even though this study only shows a correlation, it makes perfect sense given that inflammation is a known contributor to these diseases.
I’d like to point out that there are some studies showing that polyunsaturated fats reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease. But the problem is that they don’t make the distinction between Omega-3s and Omega-6s, which is absolutely crucial.
When they do, they see that Omega-6s actually increase the risk, while Omega-3s have a protective effect (26).
Bottom Line: There is evidence from both randomized controlled trials and observational studies that vegetable oils can increase the risk of cardiovascular disease.
6. Vegetable Oil Consumption is Associated With Various Other Diseases
Because polyunsaturated fats are so tightly involved in the function of the body on a molecular level, it makes sense that they could affect other diseases as well.
Many of these association aren’t well studied in humans (yet), but there are both observational studies and animal studies linking vegetable oils to other serious diseases:
• In one study, increased Omega-6 in breast milk was associated with asthma and eczema in young children (27).
• Studies in both animals and humans have linked increased Omega-6 intake to cancer (28, 29).
• One study shows a very strong correlation between vegetable oil consumption and homicide rates (30).
• The Omega-6:Omega-3 ratio in blood has been found to be strongly associated with the risk of severe depression (31).
This is just the tip of the iceberg. Inflammation, and therefore vegetable oil consumption, is associated with a wide range of serious diseases and it is beyond the scope of this article to cover all of them.
I am personally convinced that vegetable oils (along with added sugars and refined wheat) are key players in the epidemics of chronic, Western diseases, which are currently the biggest health problems in the world.
Take Home Message If you want to be healthy, feel good and lower your risk of serious diseases, then you should avoid vegetable oils as if your life depended on it (it does).
DISCLAIMER: Richard Taylor does not provide medical advice, treatment or diagnosis.
Consult your Holistic Integrated Medicine Practitioner for health concerns.
ATLANTA ANGER MANAGEMENT : Public Service Announcement.
□ 1. A kiss before he/she dashes out the door. Your partner may be in a frenetic rush to work, but one never knows when you may never see your partner again. Embrace the moment and express your love ALWAYS, even if you had a argument. A kiss, a hug…say “I love You! Have a good day/trip/have fun,” something!
□ 2. Refusing to let your clothes wrinkle in the dryer. When you don’t hear its ending cycle buzz, know your partner answers the call, and chooses to be proactive folding the clothes before those iron-resistant creases can set in.
□ 3. Pulling the blanket over a bare shoulder. You’ve crashed on the couch, uncovered—but your partner comes to the rescue with a blanket so that you won’t awake shivering in the cold.
□ 4. You could use your partner’s first name, but instead use a nickname or pet name instead. □ 5. Displays Of Affection. Check! Whether you’re strolling side by side on a sidewalk, walking through a crowded venue, or hunkered down on the couch, choose to hold hands, touch, displays of affection.
□ 6. Texting midday just to say hello. Send a simple check-in message, read the subtext of the text: It’s always “I was thinking of you.” Leave a Post It Note® “I love you!”” I want you!”
□ 7. Whip out a candle at dinnertime. Even leftovers devoured on the sofa are made romantic when your partner adds a little candlelight action to the coffee table. Display one flower. Nice.
□ 8. Keeping notes. You may not have the memory of an elephant, but because you want to remember things, write it down. Take a picture. Make a voice note on your phone.
□ 9. Celebrating the small stuff. Life is made of Moments, make each day a day to be grateful for the gift of life, for the small “wins”, the little something that stands out noticed. Share that!
□ 10. “Remember that one time?” Remember the good times, the funny times, the times when everything was great! Show your romantic side by regularly reminiscing about these times.
□ 11. Create joy by adopting a positive more fun attitude. Work on adding humor and laughter in your lives. “A day without laughter is a day wasted.” Buy a joke book and read to each other. Find funny people to become friends with. Ditch negative folks….or minimize your exposure to them. Choose to be UP, not down. Choose to try to be kind to your partner.
What are you going to do?
Name
Name
1.2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
1.2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
* Gottman Method – Sound Relationship House
Turning towards your partner builds up “Your Bank Account Of LOVE”. Positivity. Couples who have life long relationships build up, not tear down. Turning towards Today.
Every week I see clients who volunteer to work with me in Private Sessions
to resolve conflict and anger in their personal relationships.
Couples Conflict composes about 80% of my work. Helping one or both present to create new relationship patterns replacing old ones that are not working.
This post is about respecting your partner’s personal “space” that is often requested but not honored. Almost always this comes up in the Session.
Imagine: You are beginning to argue as usual (lately more than ever) and one person gets emotionally charged by the discussion and your partner withdraws as they do not want to continue to argue. They FLEE and you chase them around your house or apartment to continue the argument. They sometimes lock themselves in a room and you find yourself banging on the door shouting at them. “Come on! We need to discuss this NOW!”
Their disengagement really triggers you into an aggressive anger mode. We say that AVOIDANCE is destructive as the FIGHT-FLIGHT RESPONSE ¹ has kicked in. Our brains get hijacked by this and we want push back. We want engagement NOW! We might even name call, badger, get nasty vocally trying to be fulfilled. We actually want a fight.
Our partner does not want a fight. We cannot see that. We just want to be able to continue to express our hostility. We think “Weasel.” The reason this occurs is that our amydala in the limbric part of our brains gets stimulated launching the Fight Response. We want engagement.
For WITHDRAWAL or AVOIDANCE to work when things are calm between you have a discussion and agree to below formula.
When a person calls for “I NEED SPACE” or “TIME OUT” or ” I NEED A BREAK” both immediately acknowledge it, and person tells for how long. For example: “I need space for 20 minutes for things to cool off.”
Decide ahead of time location for each person to retreat to. One to the bedroom. Another to the porch, or man cave etc. No one leaves the premise.
Use DISTRACTION TOOL. Both people do not think of the impasse or topics being discussed. Refocus your attention to something else. Think about someone you love, your next vacation, a hobby, what you have to get done today, think about your goals you want to accomplish in the next few months. By distracting yourself you allow the hormones to dissipate and rational thinking returns.
When time is up, check in and see if both are now back to more normal emotional state. If one is still very emotional, continue break for another 20 minutes.
Upon resuming discussion, both ask together: ” Are we going to remember this argument in a year?” 80% No. 20% Yes.
Easiest for one to say ok lets do it your way. Or You are right. If you start getting emotional again. STOP. Postpone for a day.
OR Get paper and use Problem Solving Technique we will discuss in tomorrow’s blog.
The reaction begins in the amygdala, which triggers a neural response in the hypothalamus. The initial reaction is followed by activation of the pituitary gland and secretion of the hormone ACTH.[8] The adrenal gland is activated almost simultaneously and releases the neurotransmitterepinephrine. The release of chemical messengers results in the production of the hormone cortisol, which increases blood pressure, blood sugar, and suppresses the immune system.[9] The initial response and subsequent reactions are triggered in an effort to create a boost of energy. This boost of energy is activated by epinephrine binding to liver cells and the subsequent production of glucose.[10] Additionally, the circulation of cortisol functions to turn fatty acids into available energy, which prepares muscles throughout the body for response.[11] Catecholamine hormones, such as adrenaline (epinephrine) or noradrenaline (norepinephrine), facilitate immediate physical reactions associated with a preparation for violent muscular action. These include the following:[12]
The physiological changes that occur during the fight or flight response are activated in order to give the body increased strength and speed in anticipation of fighting or running. Some of the specific physiological changes and their functions include:[13][14]
Increased blood flow to the muscles activated by diverting blood flow from other parts of the body.
Increased blood pressure, heart rate, blood sugars, and fats in order to supply the body with extra energy.
The blood clotting function of the body speeds up in order to prevent excessive blood loss in the event of an injury sustained during the response.
Increased muscle tension in order to provide the body with extra speed and strength.
Are you in constant conflict and never ending arguments?
A few Private Sessions on a Monday Evening will give you the tools to live better and return yourselves to your old loving selves. Your life deserves better that how you are living. You are killing yourselves with stress, coronary heart disease. No joke.
85% of people who call for help with anger and rage issues call because their relationship is in deep crises or one person has “crossed the line” of non-acceptable behavior.
WAR can look like the below situations:
Any of these currently at work in your relationship?
NeuroPsychologist & Best Selling Author, Dr. Rick Hanson talks about his new book – Hardwiring Happiness. The new new brain science of contentment, calm, and confidence. Dr. Hanson was in town as part of the Neuroplasticity and Education Conference which took place in Vancouver on October 25th, 2013.
ATLANTA CONTACT RICHARD TAYLOR
Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator
Diplomate American Association Anger Management Providers
Atlanta Anger Management
5555 Glenridge Connector
Suite 200 (2nd Floor)
Atlanta, Georgia 30342 USA
Today Jennifer Keitt and her staff visited with
Principle Director Richard Taylor Of Atlanta Anger Management to video tape segments for her upcoming show.
Jennifer hosts two nationwide radio shows.
In Atlanta, Jennifer interviewed Richard Taylor via video for her show airing on KISS 104.1 this Sunday.
MARCH 24, 2013 from 7PM – 8PM on KISS 104.1
New This Week!
STOP ARGUING – START TALKING TOOLKIT FROM THE JENNIFER KEITT SHOW
Stop Arguing, Start Talking – The Jennifer Keitt Show
Screaming, Slamming Doors, and Regretted Words! Is this familiar for your house?
Find out how to Stop Arguing and Start Talking this Sunday March 24th
from 7PM – 8PM on KISS 104.1
Richard Taylor and Jennifer Keitt
She is talking about “Stop Arguing & Start Talking” including an anger management perspective. Also much of their time together (off camera) gathered current information regarding the work Richard does at Atlanta Anger Management.
Passionate, engaging, powerful . . . Speaker, Author and Today’s Black Woman Show Host Jennifer Keitt invokes change and improvement in lives of people around the world! She has the unique ability to challenge individuals in ways they had not thought of before. After any interaction with Jennifer Keitt, you are left feeling as though you can conquer the world!
Her pathway to empowerment includes focusing on what she calls the ‘seven core areas’ of a woman’s life:
her spiritual/moral growth and development,
her emotional/intellectual stability and well-being,
her physical body (inclusive of a woman’s health, beauty, fitness and fashion);
a woman’s financial empowerment,
her significant relationships,
her career and
her sexuality/self-esteem.
Her true passion for people is evident in every thoughtful word she speaks. She is real and relevant and stirs up the power and abilities that lie within you to live your life to the fullest. Helping people realize the amazing power that they possess and pushing you beyond your self-imposed limitations is a unique gift Jennifer Keitt provides that you will not find anywhere else. Jennifer Keitt is a highly sought after speaker impacting the lives of people everywhere she goes.
Jennifer Keitt reaches over 1,000,000 women weekly with one simple truth: There is hope…you can be victorious over life every day!
Women globally are empowered and inspired by her ability to encourage them to live confident, powerful lives.
Author of the book, The Power Of Being A Real Woman, she has earned honors for her contributions to the lives of today’s women as the creator and host of the Today’s Black Woman Radio Show.
Richard Taylor
Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Richard Taylor is Principle Director of Atlanta Anger Management providing real world help for those struggling with issues concerning:
Anger
Rage
Stress
Communication Issues
Lack Of Emotions Control
Couples Conflict
Stop Divorce – Often You Can Save Your Marriage
Work Related Anger
Sports Peak Performance With Anger and Stress Control
Work Peak Performance With Anger and Stress Control
NEW- For Christians – Anger And Your Faith Walk Private Sessions
WHO: Volunteer Participants, Court Pending Cases Folks, Court Ordered Individuals,
HR and EAP Participants, Military, Public Service Officials, Politicians, Work Related Anger, College and Universities, Counselors With Anger Issues, Attorneys, Hospital Staff.
Atlanta Anger Management offers Anger Management Classes in Atlanta.
Atlanta Anger Management is an Atlanta, GA based Anger Management Education, Training and Research Company offering the Anderson and Anderson™ curriculum that is the most effective and widely recognized anger management curriculum in the world. It focuses on introducing behavior strategies for identifying and managing anger, stress and conflict while enhancing emotional intelligence and assertive communication.
Director Richard Taylor / Atlanta Anger Management is the oldest operating Nationally Certified Anderson and Anderson Anger Management Provider in Atlanta offering this outstanding anger management curriculum.
Come and get the service, compassion and excellent humorous teaching style offered by Richard at Atlanta Anger Management.
No one is like Richard.
Call and find out! – 678-576-1913
Participants are self check in, Court Ordered or often Companies H.R. and EAP Managers referred including employees, Administration VIPs, Government, Law Enforcement, and Educational Institutions.
Smart Tip:Get help when things start going downhill. Nip things in the bud.
“Couples wait an average of six years of being unhappy with their relationship before getting help,” said John Gottman, emeritus professor of psychology at the University of Washington and executive director of The Gottman Research Institute in Seattle. 1
Many couples never seek any help and either break up or head to a divorce attorney.
The divorce rate in the United States is the highest in the world. Fifty percent of marriages end in divorce. Sixty-seven percent of all second marriages end in divorce and 73 percent of third marriages end in divorce.2
Fifty percent of all children are children of divorce. 40.8% of all children are born of never married parents. 3
Divorce is expensive.
“It’s a lot more expensive to maintain two separate households and you’re having to do it on the same amount of income,” said Jeff Landers, CDFA, President of Bedrock Divorce Advisors in New York.
The impact of divorce is huge in their own lives and that of their children.
When children have a hard time, boys and girls suffer equally. They differ in how they suffer. Boys are more externally symptomatic acting out their anger, frustration and hurt. Boys may get into trouble in school; fight more with peers and parents. Girls tend to internalize their distress. They may become depressed, develop headaches, stomach aches, and have changes in their eating and sleeping patterns. Aggressive anger or passive anger is often felt and acted out.
What should people experiencing relationship/marriage problems do?
Get help when things start going downhill. Nip things in the bud.
Opposition brings concord. Out of discord comes the fairest harmony. 4
Signs Of Trouble:
1 You’re Thinking About Having An Affair – STOP!
Having an affair outside the marriage/relationship does not solve your unhappiness.
Fact is affairs create unintended problems, generating a life of their own with unintended consequences no one can anticipant. It is not worth it. Stop the mental projections, the wishing immediately when they come up. Change your focus back towards your partner and seek help if you cannot work things out.
Bear in mind that counselors varying greatly on what they actually are committed to helping you accomplish.
Some have the goal of saving the relationship/marriage and is the driving point of their work; others maintain a goal of separate partner (individual) bliss. Divorce/Separation for the later is often guaranteed. Know your counselor point of view and goals before engaging them. Ask for a disclosure. Ask an open ended question like: ‘What is your main goal when working with couples with problems?’
Try and figure out if the counselor/anger management expert:
A. Fight for relationship/marriage at all costs
B. Main concern of the work is individual happiness and wellbeing
Instead of talk therapy, check out Anger Management – Couples Conflict Management. Atlanta Anger Management – Couples Conflict Management is not talk therapy counseling.
It is client education and training re-framing the relationship patterns, enhancing assertive communication and active listening. It is increasing awareness of anger and other negative emotions triggers and hot buttons to understand relationship dynamics and handle them in a more productive way. It is changing destructive behavior patterns into more positive relationship patterns that are sustainable. It is not a short term fix but a new way of being/living. It is maintaining an exciting new way of being. Commit to being a “Creative Partner Invested In Positive Change”6. Affairs Continued…
Once emotional or sexual involvement goes outside a marriage, the issues needing to be addressed become background issues. Problems magnify and get worse:
• Lies
• Not doing what you say – See: Be Impeccable
• Broken promises
• Deceit
• Guilt
• Building Walls of separation
• Avoidance
• Less time spend together
• Shame
• Increased suspicions
• Trust erodes
• Responsibility diminishes
• Character flaws are magnified
• Love is crushed and turns to contempt
• I do not care anymore = death of relationship
If you’re considering being unfaithful, it signals something is wrong with your relationship. Ask yourself and be honest. “Can I resist temptation?”
If someone threw themselves on me … Can I resist without thought because I am totally committed to my partner. This is what is needed even if you are fighting right now. Remember: Any indiscretion is always found out. The Truth always is found out. The News verifies this daily. There are solutions to your problems. Call Richard Taylor 678.576.1913 2 You Fight About The Same Thing Over and Over and Over
You should know with a 50% chance of marriage lasting that Marriage and Conflict happening is not if but when. Arguing from time to time is perfectly normal and is expected. That is not a problem. The problem is outlined with further points below. Accept The Unsolvable
According to relationship scientist John Gottman, 69% of relationship conflicts are persistent problems, meaning they revolve around issues that tend to resurface no matter how long you’ve been together. If you find a problem seems to call up painful emotions, you’re looking at one that’s persistent.1
To stop this trouble from ruining your relationship, you’ll need to address the bigger issues underlying your difficulty. Take turns discussing with your partner what this loaded issue really means to you. When your partner is talking, your job is to listen, be nonjudgmental and to find something in her/his perspective that makes sense to you. When it’s your turn to talk, she/he should be doing the same thing. By treading more gently into touchy areas, you should at least be able to agree to disagree or make some small concessions for one another. Accept that some things are not solvable. It is best to not talk about it. Couples who have been together a long time have embraced this concept and saved their marriage by doing so. Couples who focus on the negatives in their relationship surely self destruct.1
It is best to practice LIVING IN THE MOMENTand not bringing up the past. Live right now. Also do not project these beliefs into the future. Say: “ That was then, this is now.” All I can experience is right now. Work on catching negative thoughts and choose to ‘change the channel” with positive thoughts. Like “What is it I like most about my partner?” Focus with intention for 10-30 seconds on the good to help imprint it on the brain to rewire it. 3 Spending Less Time Together
“The number one cause for the breakdown in marriages today is couples aren’t spending enough time together.” 7 – Michele Weiner Davis
Everything is more important than setting aside sacred time for one another. Whether it’s work, kids, meetings, clubs, church, temple, friends, working out, hobbies, golf, sports, TV, social media, relatives, and so on, everything seems to take precedence over the relationship. When this happens, couples stop being friends and their emotional connection suffers. They begin leading separate lives. The often become housemates.
Marriage will remain in danger unless you change this. Make it your joint mission to re-establish couple time together and family time together. Perhaps real meals rather than fast food eating. Outdoor activities help relieve stress and help bonding. Put away your cell phones, texting, listening to “your” music. Embrace being present to those around you. Get out of yourself and into your relationships. You can choose to change. But no one can make you. Each person has to decide to let others in. 4 Talking About Superficial Topics
Communication is one of the keys to lasting relationships.
Partners often have different needs when it comes to talking. Often guys like to talk “about” things, while women like to often talk about their emotions and the meaning of things, events, family, deeper conversations that force us to think, feel, emote and define our beliefs. This is often harder work than the surface talk.
The “talker” in the marriage/relationship often feels let down, hurt, frustrated and alone because their partner does not participate willingly in the dialogue.
The “talker” sometimes talks about their needs and what needs fixing in the relationship which results in the partner shutting down and wants to disengage in the conversation. These produce avoidance, putting up walls and further shuts down communication. The result is negative feelings that might include frustration, isolation, uncooperativeness, unhappiness, loneliness, not being connected and depression.
Having these talks of the heart is needed to promote intimacy, acceptance, reliance, love, safety and security. Maybe even the feeling of feeling cherished. Being reluctant to engage in these conversations put your relationship at risk. Unmet needs and boundary violations are the two main reasons anger is often felt and expressed.
So conversations discussing important matters about finances, your own feelings, loved ones, future plans and goals, what is working and not working, behavior change requests, etc are vastly important. Couples usually are able to move into these conversations in their 30’s and on. Not having them can make the relationship seem superficial, light and not very serious. Many, many people remain adolescent in their self development no matter what age they are. They are just not willing to do any self growth work. 5 Escalating Fights
Often we find our vocabulary limited and we rely on the same expression over and over and our conversations repeat themselves. He/she says the same thing, she/he responds always in the same way. We are on a gerbil round treadmill repeating the same relationship dynamics. We hear ourselves say…”Oh no, here we go again!”
This often leads to anger, contempt and withdrawal. Avoidance is a key destructive interaction in relationships. Pay attention and notice if you are having the same fights.
If these arguments are growing in intensity you must act and do something about them. Seek outside professional help very soon, not six years from now! Sometimes these escalating fights manifest into either verbal abuse or physical abuse. Rule #1 In Anger Management: Do Not Touch Your Partner When Angry. You Will Get Arrested.
Both verbal abuse or physical abuse are destructive to lasting relationships so act and get help. Aggressive Communication Style often has components of:
• Inattention
• Interrupting
• Control
• Manipulation
• Intimidation
• Hostility
These ongoing ever repeating fights or arguments definitely showcase that deeper underlying issues are not being addressed. Most often communication skills are lacking that healthy couples have. These communication skills can be learned so that unresolved issues can be worked through. We offer help in communication skills. Inquire. 6 Having Little Or No Sex
Usually one partner has a lower sex drive than the other partner. In other words one partner wants sex more often than the other. The problem arises when the partner with the lower sex drive refuses their spouse’s feelings and rejects most, if not all, sexual advances.
Often this results in hurt feelings, frustration, rejection, feeling unwanted, feeling deflated, emotionally disconnected, angry and desperate.
If this goes on too long be wary of one partner disconnecting and becoming removed. Intimacy ends. This can often lead to infidelity. Even if only emotional infidelity.
Divorce also happens.
Once you experience these feelings, many things can happen. You stop enjoying each other’s company, spending time together, connecting emotionally, and being friends. If you don’t do something about it the death of the relationship often results. Or you become housemates for the duration with little empathy or love for the other. You move into existence mode. This is unnatural and not healthy, especially when children are involved.
I have helped many couples that are sleeping in separate bedrooms, in essence co-existing.
If this is a religious decision of sexual abstinence that is a choice and is healthy and a positive thing, but most people are not in that situation. It is isolation, alienation that causes it.
If a spouse is not getting enough sex, or would like more frequency while the other not, you both need to examine the reasons it’s happening. If might be necessary get professional help in Sex Therapy. Do whatever it takes to re-create passion and intimacy in your marriage. Action is called for.
7 Focusing more on kids than each other
Fact: Empty Nesters are still divorcing in droves. Once the children leave home, the relationship often feels overwhelmingly void.9
Today’s American culture (and many others) has become very Child Centric; meaning making our children our number one priority placing them in the center of our lives.
Everything is about our children.
Often when we live this way, our marriages suffer. It is hard to follow the sage wisdom: God First, Spouses Second, Children Third, Parents Fourth. 10
Be careful to not feel more connected to your children than your partner. Doing so often disconnects us from our spouses, resulting in us becoming strangers. This empties the marriage of intimacy.
Making the marriage the most important thing in your lives is the best thing you can do for your children. Your children benefit enormously when you have loving close relationship, as it models what a good marriage is, giving them the image framework to repeat it in their own adult lives.
It also helps marital longevity more likely. TIP: Analyze your family life. Are you on auto pilot? Are you placing your relationship to God 1st, Spouse 2nd, Children 3rd, Parents 4th? If not, try to change as this will put your marriage on a better path towards lasting fulfillment.
“Good character is not formed in a week or a month. It is created little by little, day by day. Protracted and patient effort is needed to develop good character.” – Heraclitus 3
QUESTIONS:
Do you see yourself in any of the above? Do you see partner in any of the above? Do you admit you might need to tweak some things? Great. Awareness is the first key to change and make things better.
Do not be static, stuck and remain in your relationship patterns. Do something. Take a positive step and invest in your relationship/marriage, It is worth the cost of money, time, effort and growth.
Change is the only constant. All is flux, nothing is stationary. Everything flows and nothing stays. 3 – Heraclitus
Be exceptional and do not wait years, 2013 is the year. Heed these warnings if you are living them. Make the call to Richard Taylor of Atlanta Anger Management at 678.576.1913
When you do, your marriage/relationship will be a healthier, happier place to be and you will live longer due to less stress. Really. CONTACT Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator
Diplomate American Association Anger Management Providers Atlanta Anger Management
5555 Glenridge Connector
Suite 200 (2nd Floor)
Atlanta, Georgia 30342 USA
Office Phone: 678-576-1913
Fax: 1-866-551-1253
Web: http://www.atlantaangermanagement.com
E-mail: richardtaylor5555@gmail.com
Linked in:http://www.linkedin.com/in/richardtayloraam
A Certified Anderson and Anderson™ Anger Management Provider
The Best Of The Best In Anger Management & Emotional Intelligence At Atlanta Anger Management, Atlanta, GA Anger Management is offered:
By Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF for Atlanta Anger Management
Couples who are experiencing relationship problems often have moved into angry feelings due to frequent exchanges of criticism, defensiveness, contempt, stonewalling and withdrawal. The relationship seems to be ‘stuck’ in a downward circle of destructive interactions.
Does this describe your relationship? Yes? … Read on help is available.
Invest in a few 1.5 to 3 hour private couple sessions to get over this toxic way of existing.
Richard will help you by giving you an ACTION PLAN with each session specifically designed just for your issues.
Often these might include:
Behavior Reform Contracts
Language Reform Contracts
24 Hour Anger Contract
List Of What Each Partner Needs And Wants
How To Fight Fair Instruction
Proper Time Out Methods
Learn What Emotional Intelligence Is
Using Emotional Intelligence For Better Choices And Outcomes
Changing Aggressive Anger Into Respectful Anger For Growth
Becoming Creative Partners Invested In Change
Move Into Early Relationship Patterns Again
Learn To Dialogue Better With Active Listening And Assertion Skills
Learn To Have Fun Again And Laugh Often
Learn Intimacy Building Skills For Core Strengthening Of The Relationship
Build Trust Again
Learn To Let The Past Go
Learn To Let Emotions Flow Through You Rather Than Days Of Negative Feelings
Take A Negative Feeling Word Assessment To ID Your Anger Triggers (Free)
Take A Cognitive Distortion Assessment (Free)
Take A Passive Aggressive Assessment (Free)
Optional: Anger Management Assessment For Each Couple $100.00
Learning Communication Styles For Better Emotional Intelligence Outcomes
Learn To Control Stress As It Is A Main Cause Of Anger Outbursts, Health Problems
Learn That Each Person Is Responsible For Your Present Lousy Relationship
End Blame
End Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt, Stonewalling, And Withdrawal
Embrace Constructive Interactions
Embrace Change
Overcome Childhood ‘Programming’ And Choose A New Path To Healing
Learning To Choose Relationship Growth and Happiness
Learn To Control Yourself
Learn To be Empathetic and Compassionate
Become Unstuck and Excel At Intimate, Work, and Public Relationships
Learn To Become More Conscious
Learn To Balance 4 Domains: Emotional, Mental, Physical, Spiritual Realms
Learn To Be Selfless
Learn To Become Who You Want To Be
Be Coached By An Expert Trained In Anger, Rage, Stress, Emotional Intelligence, Communication, Growth and Couples Conflict Management
A thing to remember we do not offer counseling but rather psycho education to effect change. This is why it is much faster than traditional talk therapy. We focus on solutions, educational training, the positive to help couples change.
The Anderson & Anderson™ Anger Management Model includes Emotional Intelligence as one of its key components.
Please call Richard at 678-576-1913 to set up a couples session.
Hetero – Gay – Lesbian Couples
We suggest starting with a 1.5 hour session than move to a weekly one hour session. Many choose longer sessions to help move into “fixes” more quickly. The choice is yours and in a short time you will know when you are “done”. No pressure, no contracts. If both partners embrace your custom designed ACTION PLAN change will occur quickly.
more…
Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is the capacity to appropriately respond to emotional stimuli in a way which leads to positive outcomes in yourself and others. EQ is a learned ability to identity, experience, understand, and express human emotions in healthy and productive ways.
Emotional intelligence provided an intervention with a different set of skills which includes managing anger, stress, improving communication and emotional intelligence.
Emotional Intelligence is a key component in the Anderson & Anderson™ Model of Anger Management Intervention used by Rev. Richard Taylor of Atlanta Anger Management,
an Anderson and Anderson™ Certified Provider.
In contrast to IQ, which is the ability to manipulate objects and master precision learning, emotional intelligence can be changed, improved at any stage of life. In contrast, IQ remains stable over time and does not predict success in life or relationships.
Research by Goleman and others have shown that success in life and work is not determined by IQ but rather by emotional intelligence (EQ). The brightest students do not necessarily become the most successful.
The emotionally intelligent person is the one who is aware of his own feelings, moods, assets and limitations and is sensitive, empathic and compassionate to others. He or she has the capacity to actively listen to others, give feedback and positively influence others that lead to win – win situations.
By improving your emotional intelligence you will be better able to positively influence both your overall performance and well-being, and get incredible results from your relationships at work and life.
A growing body of research suggests:
Emotional Intelligence is a better predictor of success that the more traditional measures.
EQ may be the single most important factor in predicting success.
A person’s ability to perceive, identify, and manage their emotions provides the basis for the kinds of social and emotional competencies that are important for success in almost any job.
20% of your success is contributed by your IQ.
36% attributable to your emotional intelligence.
At least 90% of the difference between outstanding and average leaders is related to emotional intelligence.
Explains why some people excel while others of the same caliber lag behind.
Emotional intelligence is linked to important work-related outcomes such as individual performance and work related organizational productivity.
It is equally important when selecting the next generation of leaders.
Emotional Intelligence matters most in times of change.
It is a measure of your ability to recognize and manage your own feelings and those of other people (partners, family work related staff, colleagues and customers) to produce better results with win-win outcomes.
The skills taught in couples emotional intelligence coaching may include some or all of the following:
interpersonal awareness
self control
anger management
interpersonal assertion
listening skills
empathy, compassion
improving communication style for better outcomes
self-esteem
stress management
commitment
motivation
social awareness
flexibility
relationship management
problem solving – decision making
time management
How do issues like substance abuse, anger management and violence relate?
They are the result of unresolved conflicts relating to personal growth and a lack of knowledge about the process of making positive personal changes. Self-defeating and destructive living patterns are the result of learned behavior, any behavior which is learned can be unlearned.
When you work with other people, your relationship with them can really matter.
Using emotional intelligence is all about getting the most out of these relationships in ways that benefit everyone. Whenever you need to work with other people to deliver better outcomes, having the skills to work effectively with them will help you create a better solution and stronger relationships.
When you learn to recognize other’s emotions, you immediately begin to have greater empathy with them and to better connect with them.
Sometimes we respond to situations and people in ways that we may regret. It’s harder to rebuild bridges than it is to establish them. Using emotional intelligence allows you to develop strategies to respond to others comments, incidents and events that would normally push your emotional buttons.
It’s never easy to deal with conflict, but when you are aware of what drives conflict, you will be able to not just cope with the situation, but be able to diffuse the emotions that always accompanies conflict. When you know your own skills and abilities, you can focus on developing in areas that will benefit you most.
Here are some of the skills that can be developed through Emotional Intelligence:
Emotional Competency: constitutes the capacity to tactfully respond to emotional stimuli elicited by various situations, having high self-esteem and optimism, communication, tackling emotional upsets such as frustration, conflicts, inferiority complexes, enjoying emotions, doings what succeeds, ability to relate to others.
Emotional Maturity: constitutes evaluating your own emotions and those of others. The capacity to identity and express feelings. The ability to balance the state of your heart and mind. Being adaptable and flexible, appreciating another’s point of view, developing others, and delaying gratification of immediate psychological satisfaction.
Emotional Sensitivity: constitutes understanding the threshold of emotional arousal, managing the immediate environment, maintain rapport, harmony and comfort with others, letting others feel comfortable in your company while you feel comfortable in your own skin, empathy.
Couple Growth: learning how to help your partner feel heard, understood, helped, served, respected, valued and important. Learn to be emotionally sensitive, aware, optimistic, resilient, positive, and responsible. Learn to feel safe, trusted, special, needed, included, cooperative, focused, productive, and motivated.
Productivity: Reduce the lost time spent on conflict, turf-battles, defensiveness and insecurity.
Goal Setting: Determine ACTION PLAN that keeps promoting positive interactions for better outcomes. Further Sessions address adjusted goals to get to the expected finish line.
For information about training in Couples Emotional Intelligence and / or Couples Conflict Anger Management, please contact Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF of Atlanta Anger Management in Atlanta, GA.
Please call Richard: 678-576-1913
Director Richard Taylor BS, CAMF
Certified Anger Management Facilitator™ Atlanta Anger Management
5555 Glenridge Connector
Suite 200 (2nd Floor)
Atlanta, Georgia 30342 USA
ATLANTA ANGER MANAGEMENT BLOG 